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Sun 21 Oct, 2007 07:34 am
Hi,
Each day gets a lot better, but I just wanted to talk with you all about men in general.
Since all this has happened I feel so cynical towards men. I worry that all they are interested in is sex and what they can get from the relationship. Because of what happened to me I also worry that if I have a relationship again the man might let me down so much. I don't ever see myself getting married because I'll forever be wondering if he cancels on me or jilts me at the altar. I thought I wanted children with my ex and to get married, but turns out I read him and it all wrong. I thought he was my soulmate. I just don't trust my own decisions anymore or judgements. Maybe time will heal and I'll notice the difference when I meet someone who doesn't want to control me etc (but then still how can I be sure). A lot of these types of men and women are very sly. You get my meaning. Grrrrrrrr!!!! There are times when I still doubt what lots of people have told me and that I should run as fast as I can at the time. Mainly because I didn't know what was going on at the time with the abuse and I was just trying to live alongside it as best I could to make a life. People have said this is typical with brainwashing.
Sometimes I think because of what he has done he'll be able to punish me for the rest of my life because now I might not ever trust again in a man. I may miss out on the happy family I always wanted. So he's won!!!! But to try with someone else seems too much of a gamble for me.
Has anyone else had feelings like this that they can share. Perhaps some happy endings. That would be great!!!
Phoenix32890 wrote:helen26- Welcome to A2K! 
Quote:Since all this has happened I feel so cynical towards men.
Since WHAT has happened? When you write a new thread, and you make a reference to something that was written in another thread, it is a good idea to summarize to what you are referring. It is possible that someone who reads this thread has not read the other one, and has no idea of what you are talking about.
Whereas men such as meself just have no idea.
Phoenix32890 wrote:dys- Are you saying you are "clueless". Never would have guessed! 
I was rendered clueless by puberty. It's all been downhill since then.
I apologise..................since my fiance cancelled the wedding at relatively short notice. And it turns out he was abusive.
Just click on my name to view my previous posts.
helen26- Right now you are getting over a big disappointment. The fact that you say that every day things are getting better is a good sign.
Right now, IMO, you need to focus on yourself, and not even be looking for another partner. The fact that you allowed the abuse to go on for quite some time tells me that you need to do some work on yourself, to make sure that you don't repeat your mistakes. There are some women who attract abusers....................get rid of one, and another will come along to take his place.
How are you doing in your life? Are you settled in your living quarters? How is your career going? What sort of things do you like to do? You were with this guy for so long, that I'll bet that you have not thought about the things that YOU like to do. Join a club, take a class, volunteer at something you will enjoy, and find worthwhile.
Get to like yourself. When you do that, the men who will be attracted to you will not be abusers.
The Lady Diane is my life, my total life, my total meaning in life; but then I am just a man, I don't know better. Men are just assholes.
Francis wrote:dyslexia wrote:Men are just ****.
Yes.
Generally, I would agree, too.
But then I saw this notice ...
Thanks for your response Phoenix :-)
I am currently trying to sell the house I bought with my ex and it's proving tough!!!! Very frustrating as he seems to do nothing that is proactive enough.
Anyway I am moving in with my parents when sold and getting as far away from him as possible. My career is good although it was so close to not being after what he did. I have this difficulty saying it out loud what happened or even typing it at times.
When I am at work I feel really happy and I have felt at times the most confident that I have ever felt. I've already apparently been told I have one admirer but am no way going to act upon it. It did cross my mind about whether he was another abuser. The fact that he is showing interest after knowing what has happened to me seems quite bizarre (to me anyway) Could be taking advantage. One of my goals is to read up on as much info about these types of men as possible so I can protect myself in the future. And to get a new job near my parents home.
Just sometimes the dissapointment plays on my mind and I wonder about what other men are like and hope to God I don't have it all again.
Dyslexia...........I think you're crazy :-)
Yep sure is true Phoenix. It's the kind of behaviour I am showing to these potential abusers.
I think I already know what that is/was (but beginning to rectify already) My MOUSEY/SHY behaviour. That's one of my goals. I'm so tired of feeling worried about what I say to others or how I speak or if I make a fool of myself. I'm certainly going to learn from others. My workmates certainly aren't wallflowers. I was called that once years ago and hated it, but didn't have the confidence to change it just get frustrated instead. My workmates are showing me how to love/like myself. My ex always used to be trying to turn me into someone I wasn't and as a result criticised most of what I did. I have a great career that I love.
One of my favorite quotes by Ayn Rand:
"To say, 'I love you', one must know first how to say the 'I'! "
You might want to get a good book on assertiveness training. I think that it would prove helpful to you.
Helen--
I'm glad to hear that you're taking action instead of just sitting and quivering.
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