Abortion: tips on healing, ect

What are your feelings about it? How long ago?
(Certainly, don't answer if you don't feel comfortable doing so.)

It's been two weeks today since I had the surgery. This flood of emotions is overwhelming. And there are feelings that I've never felt before finally surfacing. I'm just looking for someone who has been there...

No, sweetie. I never had the experience. My college roomate had an unexpected, post-abortion meltdown. That's as close as I've been.

Will leave the thread, unless you just want a listening ear.

At any rate, I wish you well.

Thank you anyway, Sophia. I guess I'm just waiting for a sign that this is normal. Feels good just to somewhat discuss this. It's such a hard topic to even speak about let alone go through. The worse is being alone and not knowing how to deal afterwards. But no one can be prepared, I guess.

EileenM, I know people who have had many abortions, like 4 and 5, for whatever reason.

Guilt eats up a lot of energy that could be better used elsewhere. Most of us have already punished ourselves many times over.

You did what you had to do, now try to put it behind you and move on with your life. It can't be undone, but to learn from the experience you need to think and act in a new way, readjust your mental picture of yourself, and do not allow this mistake to ruin your life.

Abortions should not be a form of birth control, and if the woman doesn't protect herself, the man certainly will not take that initiative. We are all responsible for our own actions, so live accordingly.

I am not pro-abortion, I am pro-choice!

Good luck!

I haven't been through this either, Eileen, but I did think of something. Did the doctor or the clinic/hospital where you had the surgery offer you any counseling referrals? I know if I were you, I would want some professional reassurance that my feelings were normal. Just to know what to expect & how to best handle it, y'know. Counseling helped me a great deal more than once when I was going through difficult medical matters.

Wishing you the very best...Eva

Aw EileenM, I feel very sad that you're feeling so overcome by emotion. Eva's advice is good. If it's something that you believe you can't talk about to a close friend then a counsellor is an excellent idea. Especially if you want the things you need to say to remain private. You might want/need to talk about the relationship that led to your pregnancy, too.
Good luck, Eileen, I hope you're feeling a little better by now.

I've been there Eileen.

I can tell you that it never goes away, you just learn how to better cope with it. Every year, on the day I estimated would of been the birth date, I conduct a very private ceremony in memory of the baby, its father and acceptance of the circumstances that led to my decision. This year was the 30th. I do it on the birth date rather then the abortion date because I prefer to remember that date rather then the other.

Now and then when I get familiar with a young person I'll sometimes catch myself thinking "hey, this person is the same age my baby would be right now" and sometimes form a maternal bond with them. During that ceremony I mentioned, I spend some time fantasizing about what the baby's life would be like and how different, for both good and bad reasons, my own life would be if I'd made a different choice.


I have a few regrets, not for the baby, but for my family. My parents never became grandparents, and on my mom's side of the family my brother and I and a cousin are the last of the line. Neither my brother nor I have children to carry on the history. That is a big regret for me now that I am beyond childbearing years.

Knowing then what I know now, would I have made a different choice? No. There were too many complications, and even though I married the baby's father soon after, our marriage only survived 3 years.

One thing I am very thankful for is Roe vs. Wade. My abortion occurred very soon after the Supreme Court decision. I had medically safe options available rather then backstreet hacks.

Eileen, go ahead and grieve if you feel the need to. Find someone you feel comfortable talking with and share your feelings with them. Eventually, when the distance of time has taught you to better cope with your feelings, create your own memory ceremony and allow yourself to grieve on that day if you have the need.

Giving yourself a day to remember will help cope for the other days of the year. You've got a long life ahead of you. Don't let this stifle the possibilities. Embrace it, but don't obsess over it.

If you'd like to communicate privately with me, let me know and I'll give you my email address.

Eileen, here's a website you may find helpful. It will help you figure out what you are feeling and how best to cope with it.

Coping after an abortion

:::hugs:::

EileenM- Welcome to A2K!

Yes, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. There are a number of reasons for the way you are feeling. First, abortion is nearly always fraught with ambivalence. It is a difficult choice, and there no matter how appropriate, there is always a glimmer of regret with which you need to deal.

The other thing that no one has mentioned yet, is the aburpt change to your body. Pregnancy brings with it a deluge of hormonal changes. Now that you are no longer pregnant, your body needs time to return to normal. You have also undergone an invasive medical procedure, from which you need to recover.

Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time to heal, both emotionally, and physically, so you can move on with your life!

My wife lost our baby three years ago. It wass non-viable and had to be aborted. she still gets sad now and then. It was almost certainly our only chance to have a child together.

Time. It takes time.

But I read something that may help at odd times...

"I have to get over this sooner or later... how about now?"

Hang in there, SealPoet. I've been there. You never know.

We went through all the infertility stuff & had two miscarriages. They said there was less than a 5% chance that we'd ever have a child. So we gave up. Three years later, out of the blue, I got pregnant. Our handsome, intelligent, funny little boy is now nine years old! Who would've thought?!

We all do things in life where we question our choices made, and wonder about the outcome of the decisions. What you've accomplished is that you are now no longer pregnant, and isn't that what you wanted? Go, live your life, we are free to make these decisions, choices.

You may be suffering the same as "baby blues" after birthing a baby, and that can be serious. Please contact a counselor, who can also find a support group of people in the same situation, or similar.

We all understand, and care. You haven't done anything "wrong." I wish you luck.

Such a sad discussion, but so good Eileen could get such open answers. You girls are the greatest.

You too SP

Thanks everyone... The support is amazing... I was worried about the replies but instead I was warmed by them.
Pain will ease, wounds will heal. It does take time... Emotions, I realized, come in many many forms. I'm learning a lot about myself and for that I am grateful. A time where I can self discover must be, by lack of better terms, appretiated.
So once again thank you...

Glad to hear things are settling down a bit for you, Eileen. If you haven't already done so, give a glance to that website I posted. It did me some good reading it. I hope it helps you too. :::hugs:::

abortion
hey every one id like to tel people about my experience with what i have gone though. i was 18 years old and come off the pill and was in a very steady relationship i was living with my boyfriend and his parents at the time and found out i was pregant and the first time i saw the test i was scared i cried a lot my boyfriend wasn't happy at all about it he keep saying we cant possibly keep the baby as it wouldn't be the right time for as and we wouldn't have the money if the car broke down we wouldn't be able to mead it. at the time i didn't drive either so i could only work local which not much money and he sort of made my decision for me which was crazy as in a way i know it was the right thing to do but i didn't want it to happen either so i made a appointment to see my doctor to explain that i was pregnant and that i needed to arrange a abortion and so she just gave me some numbers and information about and i had to arrange it all myself it was horrible but i went ahead and i made a appointment for a week later at the place in reading just for a consultion but they were closed so i have to rush to another place that day to have as my boyfriend only had that day off work then i went had a scan to make sure i was pregnant the lady handed me the the scan they are not allowed to do that so i had the picture in my head they gave me a appointment to have the abortion a week later on the way home i couldn't talk at all i was just thinking about things the whole time i went back to work and found out that my best friend though she was pregnant as much as i wanted to be there for her i just couldn't cause of the way i was feeling at the time. life went on in a blur that whole week i keep texting my boyfriend whenever it got to bad for me then the day come and me,my boyfriend and a friend come with me there but they went shopping when i was having it done i keep looking around at people in there all sorts of people all different ages one lady must have been 6 months she was sat there crying i was wondered what her reasons were i wanted to comfort her but i couldn't as i needed comfort to but i wrote in a little purple book just so i could read it when times were tough it was january 28th 2003 so two years ago nearly as today is the 9th of january 2005 i feel that pain every day of my life the emptyness and the feeling of killing someone its so horrible i feel guilty now writing how horrible it was for me but that poor baby inside of me must have hurting ten time i know everyone has different views on this subject and i understand them all its just that you never ever thing that you would have to made a choose like that ever when i was little i used to think that you just have a baby and don't think about what to do you just have it and live happily ever after but thats just a little girls dream that isn't real pain real life. ever since that day i have wanted a baby and i wanted to care for it all the girls in the salon that i work in are one has just had a baby, one is pregnant, one is having i.v.f, three of them are trying to have one i cant stand it. i'm still with the same boyfriend(the farther to my baby) but i drive now we have just bought a flat at the beginning of last year we are doing well ok. yes we probably wouldn't have this now if we did have the baby but in another sense if i could turn back time then i would. i think we are ready now to have one we could give a baby everything it wanted but my boyfriend still isn't interested in it at all he said we still have to work on the house put a extra bedroom on it for a baby but to be honest i think its his way of saying no i don't really want one. i think this has drawn us apart alot more than it would have if we were to keep it but i wouldn't advise anyone to do it ever. but thats just my views now it wasn't that way before i hope that people reading this will either understand or disargree as everyone has a right to their own onion.