Will love last these days?

Love comes mostly from within.
If you learn and know your own heart and mind deeply,
then the source of love is an infinite well-spring
that continually spills over onto everything in your life.

Nobody can give you love, except to remind you what you love.
There is no action that can retrieve it for you.
And once you have it, you cannot love one and only one thing.

It's a way of being that comes when you
know your self.



Both people must know themselves very well, to be able to love,
but self-knowledge goes directly against what our commercial
marketting society is all about.

Like the bumper sticker says:
"When it comes to self-determinism, you're on your own."

There's hope!

CodeBorg

What beautiful words you wrote!

Hello EileenM

Welcome to A2K!
I do hope you enjoy yourself here. It's a terrific forum!
I couldn't answer your question more eloquantly than CodeBorg has. I hope that his response gave you some comfort.

One of my favorite quotations is:



Many people enter into relationships unrealistically. There is an expectation that the partner will supply all emotional needs, will "fill in the gaps" for that person. That is why many marriages do not work. People need to have a strong self concept, and enter into a relationship not because they NEED the other person, but because they DON'T need them, but WANT them. Think about it. There is a big difference!

I totally agree with you that its so hard in this day and age hearing about all the broken marraiges, divorce rates etc....
while I witnessed a broken marraige between my parents it made me stop and wonder why people get married and is there hope for marraiges.

my boyfriend of 2 years has 2 parents who are happily married nearly 40 years.! So I have seen 2 very different sides of a marraige and it has made me believe in marraige and see that it can work.
Too many couples are giving up too easy on their marraiges. when you get married you make the committment to love and stand by your partner until death do you part. When things go wrong in marraiges it shouldn't always mean the end and lets take the easy way out and end everything we have together.!

There are exceptions, my parents.! they couldn't work out their differences and my brother and sisters and myself witnessed the "not so nice " side to their relationship, the rows etc...

It honestly hasn't put me off marraige.
Since I have been going out with my current boyfriend I realise how much you can love and respect someone.
I look at his parents after nearly 40 years together and still seem as happy as ever.!

I think that there are two things to consider in a marriage. When you marry, IMO, it is best to think of the marriage as a "work in progress". There are lots of things to iron out. It is important to go into the marriage with the idea that it is going to take hard work from both of the partners for the relationship to reach a point of equanamity, and if there is love, one needs to work even harder on points of contention, and come to a consensus agreeable to both. This takes negotiation, empathy, and compromise.

The second thing is to know when to give up, and not continue a relationship that is going nowhere!

I agree with Phoenix. Relationships are easy, marriage is work. If both partners are willing to work at things, and not be selfish, marriage can be a beautiful thing. My folks are still married, 36 years this month. Also, most of my high school friends were from divorced or separated families. CodeBorg is right when he says that love comes from within. When you learn to love yourself, you are in much better shape to love others.

Hmmm.. I'd agree with Phoenix too but with a sidenote because I dislike the idea of "marriage is work".

I think to many people spend way to much time worrying about their marriage instead of just being married. To paraphrase a line from Pollyanna, "If you look for the bad in your marriage you will surely find it!"

If you spend all your time focused on what is wrong/right with your marriage it possible that you'll find a bunch of little things that you build into something that never should have been to begin with. Yep, you have to be able to communicate, negiotiate, compromise, etc...

But if you view it as "work" then doing those things becomes a chore and a burden instead of something done out of love and respect for your partner. It builds resentment instead of enhancing the bond.

In addition to loving yourself one also has to realize that no one is perfect. You have to be able to overlook some of their flaws and love them in spite of those flaws.

I like that perspective, Fishin'.

fishin' has it right. 'Work' is an easy term to throw around, as I did, but perception of what that means when it comes to marriage is often unclear. I like to think "be happy in your work."

I totally agree, marraige should not be considered "work.!" you should marry someone because you are madly in love with them and want to spend all your time with them and have fun together and do things together.

A lot of people have this notion that when you get married its the end of your social life and its all down hill..........
this is not the case.

And when that initial rush of mad love is over, we realize that marriage is about companionship, about sharing one's life with another person.

I have been married (this time) for 20 years. We've been through good times & bad, richer & poorer, sickness & health, etc. Neither of us is the same person we were when we married. Life has changed us. But he is always there for me. Every time I get frustrated with him, I go take a good, long look in the mirror.

thats really nice Eva, 20 years together.

marriage can't always be happy times, not with the situations life throws our way. We never know whats going to happen next.

to find someone that you love and can spend 20 years of your life with is a lovely thing and a lot of people would envy you.

A lot of people never find their true love which is sad as I believe there is someone out there for all of us. finding them though now that can be hard.!

I find we are more impatient and demanding of our partner than we are of any other person in our lives. I have watched many many couples and partners treat each other disrespectfully where no other relationship (brother/sister, friend, co-worker) would stand for that type of behavior. It's strange how the one we are supposed to love the most, can be treated the absolute worst. Why some of the things lovers do to each other borders on criminal!

I have caught myself bitching and moaning and stopped, thinking "what the heck am I doing?" No-one else would stand for that type of treatment. Does the fact that my partner sleep with me allow me to behave this way? No!
It is NOT acceptable to behave badly and be abusive (verbally, physically, emotionally) to your lover/spouse/partner.

While I am sure all of you out there love and cherish your partners and love is a beautiful thing, we expect an awful lot of each other ... something we would never dream of demanding of any one other person.

I am one of those few people who does not desire marriage. I cannot ever imagine giving 100% of myself to another person and having them around 24/7. For me, I find that unnatural and I give the rest of you kudos for having the ability to make a loving close relationship work.

IMO if it is true love it will last. It takes a hell of alot of commitment to be with someone and give them your heart but in the end it is worth it. It is never just as easy as loving who you want to love as love is not something we choose it's something that chooses us. Basicly what im saying is with true love you dont got a choice you will love the person even if your mind didn't think you could ever do so. I hate seeing relationships today how most ppl treat their partners it's sickening. To have a working relationship you need not only love but respect, trust, honesty, patients, and understanding amoung other things.

Hi EileenM and all,

Of course there is hope, it's all around us.
For a while, I was very discouraged, but this year my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Being part of that celebration helped me realize "what it's all about".

While life is never easy, their commitment to each other has never hesitated. I know, for a fact, that there were moments when they didn't like each other very much, but the love has always been there.

Seeing the friends and family that came to celebrate this event, helped me to see that it's all about the people in our lives who have been there through thick and thin. Those people who we love, and will do anything for and will do anything for us, are the anchors in our crazy lives.

It's unfortunate that society has taken a "selfish" bent. For a while now we've all been told that it's "all about me" and "how can I be happier" or "get what I want",...not that you shouldn't be happy, but one of the prerequisites for love is putting others before yourself.
Relishing in the joy of making someone else happy, and sharing in the burdens that weigh on another's heart are the rewards of love, and it does take work to earn those rewards.

Love means putting all of your faith in another person, that's quite a risk; if you want to win the big prize, you have to place a sizeable bet. I think that is a scary thing for most of us, that's why it is so precious, and difficult to find.

I think that one of the keys to a happy life is surrounding ourselves with wonderful people. There aren't many people that I meet and just don't like, but there are even fewer that I meet and decide to get closer to. A group of great friends, who love each other, always attracts more of the same and that's probably the best way to meet a quality, potential partner.

Love and Luck!
Jerry

For Heeven's sake, neither can I!!! Those are two of the most common myths about marriage. It takes awhile, but couples figure out how much space they want in a relationship. I know successful marriages that have lasted because of geographical distance (not in spite of it.) I know marriages where one person is open and one is not, and they manage just fine. There are no rules, just compromises.