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Thu 27 Sep, 2007 08:29 am
I Never Talk On The First Date
By David Alberts
April 11, 2007 Issue 4315
The Onion :wink:
People are so impatient nowadays. Everyone's rushing to find someone, get married, settle down, and have kids. Call me old- fashioned, but I believe in taking things slow. That's why I never talk on the first date. Or on the second or third date, if I can help it.
I know women want it. I can tell by the way they look at me and ask all kinds of questions about where I grew up, what I do for a living, and what books I've read lately. Hell, most women these days expect us to talk on the first date. They think they deserve it, just because I'm dressed a certain way and sitting across from them while they ask me personal questions.
Well excuse me, but I'm just not that kind of guy. You know the type?-talkative. Sure, some people can just move from one conversation to the next, or engage in three-way chats on a whim, but I'm not one of them. I can't just dive into an intimate discussion with a complete stranger. I mean, my God, can't we get to know each other a bit before we go straight into the heavy discussion?
I know what you're thinking, but I'm not a prude. I'm not above nodding on a first date, and if I really like someone, giving one-word answers to a variety of questions. On a second date, after a few drinks, I might tell a quick story. But that's where I draw the line. I have standards, and I'm not going to debase myself by flapping my gums for any woman who agrees to go to my office Christmas party at the last minute.
It's not even like I'm saving my talking for marriage. I just don't want to give away all my anecdotes to the wrong person. I respect myself too much to be bullied into talking to a woman before we've gotten the chance to see if we really connect.
I guess that's just how I was raised.
Besides, when you start off a date right away by saying "Hello" and immediately giving her 10 minutes of back-and-forth that shows that you're both intelligent and entertaining, that's all you're ever going to be in her mind: a great talk. A guy she could just call up whenever she feels like it for some no-strings-attached conversation. It's like my father always said: Why buy the cow when you can talk to the cow for free?
Unfortunately, I had to learn my lesson the hard way. There was this girl I really liked a while back, and I wanted to impress her so badly I ended up opening my mouth before we even got our appetizer. I think I had a little too much wine, because I don't even remember what I said, really.
She kept me around for a few months, but she just used me for my intellect and emotions. She wanted to talk all the time, day and night, without any consideration for whether I wanted to or not. Sometimes she wanted to do it as soon as I woke up in the morning. And when I told her I had had enough and that I never wanted to talk to her again, she stopped calling me altogether. Women.
But I'm not going to give up on my dream. Isn't there anyone out there who doesn't have a one-track mind about interpersonal communication? Are there no women left who will love a guy for who he is, and not just because they've grown to respect him as a human being? Can't I find a nice girl who wants to just sit around at my apartment in complete silence?
I really don't think that's too much to non-verbally ask for.
if he's not getting chicks by talking, then he's saying the wrong things, that's all
everyone knows a real playa can talk a girl into bed
[edit: oh wait it's from the onion
]
yeah, they got you again.
the sickest joke about the onion, and about this country, is you just can't tell parody and news apart anymore. jesus, that's sad. but it's not you, and it's certainly not just you.
I could never tell when people are joking
As for the state of the world, irony did not exist as a concept to the masses until recently.
that's because reagan had never been in the oval office.
Quote:Besides, when you start off a date right away by saying "Hello" and immediately giving her 10 minutes of back-and-forth that shows that you're both intelligent and entertaining, that's all you're ever going to be in her mind: a great talk.
Quote:She kept me around for a few months, but she just used me for my intellect and emotions.
This was funny. These parts reminded me of me (in that that's what I immediately notice (about people in general though- not just males).
ive noticed being the strong silent type isnt that much of a virtue nowdays.
strong silence worked for the first few days after 9/11. ever since then, the right and left have been trying to cannibalize the other.
on the other hand, i'm sure a lot of us that agree that now isn't the best time in history to be silent, there are a number of us that wish the discourse could be a bit more productive... not to presume we can even agree on what "productive" is. fortunately, not all the world's political parties are quite as easy to arbitrarily divide. no matter what though, don't count on silence any time soon. all the people pushing for it just make people want to cry out louder.
I found this poem and it reminded me of this thread:
The Sacred
by: Stephen Dunn
And the teacher asked if anyone had
a sacred place
and the students fidgeted and shrank
in their chairs, , the most serious of them all
said it was his car,
being in it alone, his tape deck playing
things he'd chosen, and others knew the truth
had been spoken
and began speaking about their rooms,
their hiding places, but the car kept coming up,
the car in motion,
music filling it, and sometimes one other person
who understood the bright altar of the dashboard
and how far away
a car could keep him from the need
to speak, or to answer; the key
in having a key
and putting it in, and going.
It is kind of sacred and magical when you find someone who can share silence with you- without feeling uncomfortable. Same thing with music. I have memories of two people with whom I loved traveling in cars at twilight or nighttime- in the dark- no talking- just harmonizing to songs. And even if you didn't know the words- you could just hum the tune- your voices intertwining- no words necessary. I think people should sing together more before they get married.
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