wish / hope

Yes, "hope" is better. "Wish" would be wrong.

No mistakes, except a capital letter which is missing.

1. I would use 'hope'. "Wish" is most commonly used in hypothetical (or imagined) situations, while 'hope' can be used to specify a desired outcome.

2. You ask, "Are there any errors in the above sentences?", but it is in fact only one (very long) sentence. I would rectify that in the following fashion:

Going on tozan to Japan to pray to the Dai-Gohonzon in the Head Temple can bring us such great benefits. I hope all the believers of our temple in Singapore will try their best to go to the Head Temple to have an audience with the Dai-Gohonzon.

Thanks Mc Tag and Contrex for your guidance.