Terrible threes!

Sometimes, just throwing them off, switching things around, can bring new light to their little eyes. What would her response be if she started throwing a tantrum at home and you said "I'm feeling angry. I"m going to time out." and then went and sat in a corner.

What would she do if YOU threw a tantrum? Maybe some role playing where she gets to be the Mommy and you throw a fit. She may react with how you respond, or she may surprise you and in her response to your tantrum let you know how she wants to be dealt with during hers.

I have memories of two Kylie fits and one Seth fit. I took a picture of one of Kylies. I have to find that for you. It may help you when organizing Jillie's room.

I have tried several things, and the one thing that seems to be working with her, I dont necessarily agree with.... is ,

the second she starts whining.. for ANYTHING.. she goes right to her bedroom.

If we are in the store and she starts that, she goes to the car to sit inside of it by herself while either dad or I am outside .

( of course, with the engine running + AC . )

No expliantion, no " please stop" , or " this is your first ( second third ) warning"

She does it, she goes right to her room period.

The first time we did it, we told her what was going on.
And it was really simple.

She started whining for a toy she could reach.
I said " Im sure you can handle that easily"

She whined.

I said, whining gets you to your room, and will not get you your toy.

She whined again

She went to her room.

I wait until after she has cried and screamed it out, then she is allowed to come back out.
No further discussion, just open her door and say " Hey. Ya wanna come out? "

A few times I have sort of reminded her as to why she is getting put in her room so quickly. I will say things during the day about " remember how I said whining gets you to your room? "
I say it generally around the time I can tell she is heading in that direction.
I have stopped explaining things too. I told her once. Whining isnt accepted. She remembers, but chooses to keep doing it.

(sigh)

Oh yeah.................. I tried throwing a blanket over her and it pissed her off even more once..

Shewolf--

Alas, all adorable children are adorably different.

Deep insight here: Some kids are natural born whiners and some are not. Some parents can tolerate whining and some can't.

Sorry--was interrupted by Real Life.

You've mentioned that Bean is a slow talker? Perhaps she's using the whining as a way of intensifying the expression of her desires. In her mind, she's not annoying--she's intensively persuasive.

She doesn't want to be under a blanket--she wants to be in-your-face miserable at full volume.

This too shall pass.

You will survive.

As the old saying goes, you'll dance at her wedding.

I like Squinney's post up there about doing it back - it works at all ages, with many things. I like the Mommy Time-Out Good one, Squin.

My daughter was a terrible whiner! OMG, the sound used to drive me around the bend. I would just say, "Sorry, I don't listen to whining. If you want to talk, TALK, don't whine!" and just keep repeating that until she said what she wanted. However, she whined for a good two years, so it didn't help, did it? lol

When I saw she was getting tired and bitchy, I'd send her to her room and tell her to come out when she wanted to be happy. She'd invariably nap and then come out, asking: Are you happy to me, Mom?

Good luck, shewolfnm... it's a long haul, and every year has its own 'special' challenges

My sister came up with a good one: Please stop, my ears are full. I use it on grown ups

When Mo gets whiney I whistle.

I told him that something in the pitch of his voice when he whines makes me automatically whistle. He usually gets mad at me for a minute or two but then he calms down and talks instead of whining.

:-)

I like that one.

I have an easy way out (unironic reason #281 that I'm happy I'm deaf) -- I just wouldn't look at sozlet (close enough to see what she was saying anyway) until she quit with the whining and spoke normally. (Maybe if I didn't lipread it would be different, but yes, watching her whine is also incredibly annoying, even if I don't have to hear it per se...)

Yeah, the facial expressions that go with the whining are equally annoying.

We said "use your words" a lot at this age. It worked well with Duckie, but backfired somewhat with Ducklet.

There were the facial expressions, yeah, but also I worked with enough kids when I could still hear that the sound of whining would be mentally manufactured when I saw her... anyway, being able to just not look (and thereby cut off the "sound") was useful.

I have watched Jillian have a tantrum from outside the car, through the store window and I still felt worked up, pissed, embarrassed... you name it. Sound was not necessary to feel that three year old rage.

Even visually, tantrums take a toll on your psyche . No doubt.

We tried the whole " mama whining too" thing and that just did not work.
It made everything worse.
She would just amplify herself to be heard over the now whining, sometimes on the floor, mom and dad.
Im sure, if we had a peeping tom, he would have made an anonymous call to a psychiatrist.

I even used the " my ears dont work at that sound. If you want me to hear you, you are going to have to change the sound."
I even had Daddy do it during dinner clean up, and I said the same thing to him.
Jillian found that hilarious. But, it didnt change anything.

Just stopping in our tracks, for everything , putting her in her room/or car has made a difference in as little as 5 days.


It has crossed our minds that Jillian may just be having a hard time with her words like you suggested Noddy, but the more we paid attention, the more we realized it was just manipulation. Not an inability.

Example -
Toy is less then 3 feet away and she doesn't want to get it herself.
I dont mind picking something up, but when I am working ( in the special chair in front of the computer that shows work and not play ) I will not stop to assist with simple tasks she can handle.
She amps up the moooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmm-ieeeeeeeeee
and throws herself backwards on the couch, bringing herself even closer to the toy she doesn't want to stretch her arm out for...
and keeps going.
moooooommmmmieeee
moooooommmmmieeee

I tell her that she is very strong and can use her arm to get the toy easily.

whining keeps going.

Those are the situations where the tantrums get ugly.

Not when she is trying to actually say something.. ( at least not yet)
As she gets older and learns more things she doesnt have words for, I am sure a tantrum will follow the lack of language then.. we just have not quite reached that point.

Having her drawers and other things labeled has worked WONDERS for her sense of 'control' as well.
She wears what she wants to wear. And once every other week, we go to Goodwill and let HER pick out a piece of clothing. No matter the size, shape, color.. etc. Its her choice.
She also gets to pick out fruits at the store for her lunch.
She picks out 'smooth ' things for now. Tomatoes, watermelon, leeks, cucumber.... ( to her, all growing things are fruit)

And I am slowly giving her other avenues to be the decision maker.

maybe, myself and the liquor store down the street can survive these 3 year old times...

Shewolf--

She's trying to tell you that she deserves your full attention and focus for every single one of her waking hours and you are a mean, horrid, wicked, evil mommie for giving your attention to the computer.

Her world is not idea and it is all your fault.

So there!

May she be cursed for at least a week--but no more than two weeks--with a yammering, possessive, self-centered boyfriend.

This is a cruel and heartless wish but it is better than hoping for a grandchild just like her mommie.

Hold your dominion.

I just grin and bear... I hope I do. We are smack in the middle of the tantrum year... It helps to know that, historically, Thing #1 changed into an angel 2 weeks before her 3rd birthday. There is a huge bright hope ahead. It also helps that Thing #2 has Thing #1 to redirect himself to/at. Though there's a danger of double whining.. ah, well.

ugh.
I dont see how parents of multiples dont end up alcoholics.

Double whining?
holy crap

Amen to that, shewolfnm...

A drink now and then helps

With two, you get a glimpse of something else - for example, a shorter but big-hearted son (who just smacked his sister - because he's in his terrible twos) drops everything when she cries and bear-hugs her, holding and saying in maternal tones: "It's OK, it's OK.."

Reading along and feeling for you, Shewolf. Here's a large scotch on the rocks for you!

that's why mommy has her "mommy juice" after bed time.

You ain't kiddin' sister! :wink:

I hear ya.




On a side note-
I wanna write a book on this.. in your room stuff..

Wow.
She has almost completely stopped the tantrum stuff. No more whinny voice either.
Im amazed and scared..

She is bottling up this three year old behavior.. I just know it..
It will pop out sooner or later. But for now.. just.. WOW