Terrible threes!

Yep.

I recommend firm limits and a stiff drink.

(it's from the same site I linked to a while back - this time it's the two-three range)

from the Emotional Development section

Shewolf,
Mine did not have terrible twos either. I thought I was such a great mom until we got into threes. Totally blew my mind. It is not just you...lots of head banging on the floor and growling at me and stomping of the feet..screaming in inappropriate places. Made me feel so proud and accomplished . I seriously thought at first something was wrong with them! LOL....it gets better. I promise!

I have to agree with FreeDuck...the stiff drink part especially!

Missy

Im starting on the stiff drink, and reading Ebeths link.

A firm hand, and a firm drink.

You know what they say, motherhood isn't for sissies.

Re: Terrible threes!


Sorry shewolf you have 13, 14, 15, and 16 to come yet. And wait till 19 you cant do anything then.

Classic power struggle stuff. Be firm- Gentle but firm.

I have yet to see any teenager throw themselves on the ground screaming in a store because they want to go -that way- while mom goes this way.
But then again, if she is anything like I was as a teenager, Im in for hell.

It amazes me how much she has changed in just a few months.
I used to enjoy taking her to the store.
She would pick fruits, and small veggies. Put them in the bag and tie them shut, then put it in the cart.

If I pointed out something else, she would pick it up then put it in the cart.
Then, when we checked out , she would help empty the cart and just enjoy herself.

Now, EVERYTHING causes a tantrum.
If she cant reach something... before, she would try and then ask for help.
Now she just screams and throws herself down
If I ask her to do something, and she says no.. fine. That is the end of it.
Until 5 minutes later , when she has changed her mind.
Then, if the task is already done, it is a fight. If it ISNT done, she bullies her way into doing it ( Pushes, screams ..)

Of course, when she does this, I stop her and tell her that she can not be mean to anyone. She needs to respect peoples space, and bodies and that if she can not do it, she wont get to do ---what ever it is she wanted to --.
Sometimes she is ok with that... sometimes THAT brings up a fight.

ohhh. Im just so tired of fighting on a three year old level.
I feel bad because I dont look forward to taking her places anymore and I dont look forward on REALLY bad days, to picking her up from day care.
Im actually thinking of getting her some full time days, instead of all 1/2 days. I need a break from this. Seriously..

Um, I'm pretty sure the "stiff drink" suggestion was for the little wolfie.

We didn't do two's, either. What resistance / tantrums I did experience was also in the three's.

Humor worked very well. As soon as a mood started to shift (often split second timing) I'd looked surprised, smile and say something funny about their behavior.

"Well, my goodness! What got into you? A bunny? Does a bunny stomp and cry when he can't reach his cup? ... An alligator? Does an alligoter stomp his feet when he can't reach his cup?...Hmm, maybe a frog?" Etc. with him or her answering "No" between each question. Eventually they were laughing and coming up with silly suggestions and forgot what frustrated them.

Didn't always completely divert, and I wouldn't use humor if they had a serious frustration. If it isn't a time for humor diversion, you can probably say something like "Aw, Jillie, I remember being three and not being able to... It was very frustrating. I know how you feel. If you tell me what you are having trouble with I'll help you, okay? If I know what it is we can mark it on the calendar and count down the days until you are able to do it by yourself. But you have to tell me, not cry and stomp. Deal?"

This one was from about the same time of year last year:

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=81753

Is there anything that happens this time of year? Allergies? Some kind of work change? (Your husband works at a university, do things get busier this time of year?)

Actually, re-reading it looks like that spate of problems last year could have been related to specific transitions -- moving, school, etc.

But that faded, right? So you figured out a way to deal with it the first time around...

How to Deal With Your Child's Temper Tantrums.
http://www.heptune.com/tantrum.html
If the behavior is dealt with incorrectly, the child may learn to use tantrums to manipulate people and to gain attention.

As always with internet stuff look at more than one site to gain a range of views. The site above just stuck a chord with me who admits he could have been a better father.

Oh almost fogot.

Notice, compliment and reward appropriate behavior. Ignore inappropriate behavior.

I started reading child development books when K was 3. I kept reading them from that point forward. I highly recommend the series, "Your # Year Old" by Ames and Ilg or Ames and Haber. Slightly dated, but very informative for what to expect at each developmental stage.

The phrase I've heard coined for three year olds is Tyrannical Threes

Good luck! This too shall pass.

That was actually due to her -at the time- daycare.
After several sessions with a therapist, and some reviews of the classroom tapes, it was brought to attention that the day care was being almost abusive in their physical treatment with her. It explained all of the grown up size fingerprints that were on her arms and legs at that time.

Since she could not speak, and was truly scared of her daycare worker , she would bite,hit,scream and just be unhappy .

That faded quickly , when she left there and moved into the day care she is in now.
This behavior has been gone for almost an entire year with no major changes in anything .

Nothing has changed now in our lives except that we go out more often. But that hasnt been a large spike in change.. just a gradual , moving to more activity change .

Quoted from dadpads suggested website..



Almost to the T... this is what we do.

Except that we often try to talk to her while it is going on. And I am thinking that is just not ok. I may be , with out realizing it, making her feel bad for having normal emotions by trying to talk her out of it and trying to change her mind...

My example earlier of her "bullying" .
I will stop her and tell her that she can not hurt anyone ( push, spit, shove, etc...) because that is only being mean and no allowed. If she wants to do ___ what ever it is ___ she can not hurt anyone.

And then my talking stops there.

I haven ever tried simply ignoring the entire tantrum. That is going to be a task, but one I am willing to try.

I do understand that this is a developmental stage.
And I can understand the reasoning behind it.
As I am typing, I am printing up some picture labels for her dresser.
I want to follow this need for independance with some basic things that will HELP her be more independant and see if that helps to.

I am printing up shirts, pants, shorts, underware and shoes pictures so that I can tape them to her dresser and she can pick out her own clothes to go to school in.
I usually just set out 2 shirts and 2 pants and let her pick which one she wants to wear, but I am thinking if I just put them in the drawer that way, it may help her feel like she is doing MORE for herself.

I have also found some kid friendly recipies that she can help cook with.

She loves it when I make pizza bread.
She gets to put together all of the dry ingredience, then whisk them together, but she hates that she has to stop there because the bread has to rise, then I have to heat the stove and she can no longer participate after the stove gets hot.

I am also working out a laundry system that allows her to do her own clothes. ( Yes.. she likes doing laundry)
I put the soap in, she turns the machine on and puts in her clothes.
Then, I pull them out ( because they are heavy) and she takes them from the basket and puts them in the dryer.

But that is about the extent of the things she is allowed to do.

Im thinking of giving her a spray bottle with water and maybe some dishsoap so she can help clean, a small table so she can have a place to fold clothes, a chore cleaning the bird cage....

something.

I'd like to enter megadittos for the whole "terrible threes" thing.

Although our troubles seem milder than what the Bean is putting you through.

Defiance, arguing, attitude, backtalk....

Oh, lordy. The last long car ride we had where Yaya was encouraging Keetah to scream and shout....




It didn't help that they went on a trip with Mama recently where step-grandad was encouraging bad behavior. That's been nipped in the bud, but the damage, well undermining, happened so fast.

Timeouts are not just for kids.



Have you read SOS for Parents?

http://www.sosprograms.com/phome.htm

http://www.amazon.com/SOS-Parents-Third-Lynn-Clark/dp/0935111212/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-8527827-5398253?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1190128995&sr=1-1

I remember that stage. It did fade at about 3 1/2 for DD, only to return in monster form at about 4 1/2.

At the time, I noticed that giving more attention was actually what DD needed. Not during a tantrum, but at other times, seemed to dilute the strength of the upset.

Shewolf--

I had a toddler whose ambitions exceeded his ability.

Tantrums were a way of life for awhile.

In grit-toothed exasperation one day I looked at the kicking, screaming little horror and threw a blanket over him. The screaming stopped.

I looked under the blanket. The ructions started up again.

I replaced the blanket.

The enveloping blanket seems to reduce the world to a size the toddler can handle.

You needn't use a blanket--it can be a towel or a coat.

Silence is a blessed relief.

Does the Bean throw tantrums at Day Care?