Recently married...need some advice/guidance

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My wife and I have been married for less than a year. It's wonderful and I am dedicated to her in every way.

Lately, I've been having dreams about my first love from when I was 16 years old, about 15 years ago. I've been thinking about this girl quite a bit and I'm starting to wonder if I'm crazy or something.

I've always remember the girl (no one forgets their first). We had a very sweet, innocent and happy relationship. I'm just wondering why she is in my thoughts lately. Would contacting her be inappropriate? I wonder if I'm just reminiscing about her, longing for the more innocent period of my life that wasn't filled with work/bills/taxes and the other daily grind type stuff that comes with it all.

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You may be reminiscing about an earlier part of your life, you may just be the kind of guy who cheats on his wife. Whatever, it would definitely be inappropriate for you to contact this woman (she is not a girl any more).

I sure am glad I'm not your wife!

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It happens. I think it's normal to reminisce and/or fantasize. You're human.

I think it has a lot to do with settling down into a routine and a lifelong marriage that you're committed to. You will always long for the more innocent, less committed, newer, fresher romances. But relationships have to evolve or end. The one with your wife is evolving.

Don't kick yourself, but don't go running off and contacting the other woman either, unless you two have an existing friendship and your wife is aware and supportive of it.

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contrex wrote:

I sure am glad I'm not your wife!

What am I doing to deliberatly disrespect my wife? Why are you working on the assumption that I'm a cheat? If I didn't feel remorse for what was going on I wouldn't be asking for advice.

I'm glad to know you're able to control what you dream about while you're asleep and have never thought about another person while you were in a relationship.

Without perfect people such as yourself, I guess the rest of us have nothing for which to strive.

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FreeDuck wrote:

It happens. I think it's normal to reminisce and/or fantasize. You're human.

I think it has a lot to do with settling down into a routine and a lifelong marriage that you're committed to. You will always long for the more innocent, less committed, newer, fresher romances. But relationships have to evolve or end. The one with your wife is evolving.

Don't kick yourself, but don't go running off and contacting the other woman either, unless you two have an existing friendship and your wife is aware and supportive of it.

I am kicking myself. Sad

I just wish I knew what is bringing on these vivid dreams. It's been a number of nights, too...very vivid. Nothing sexual in nature, just seeing her and talking...having that "butterflies" feeling in my stomach...all the things that go with a relationship when one is 15-16 years old. We're both adults in the dreams, however.

She was around for a lot of the things in my life at 16 (getting a license, confirmation etc) so she's in a number of pictures. I've been looking at these pictures on a daily basis, lol.

I feel horrible and guilty about it. I just don't understand where it's all coming from.

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Ah yes, the butterflies.

I'm a married woman who has had these same kinds of dreams. I even started a thread about it. http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=43728&highlight= You might find some insight there, even if the roles are reversed.

Welcome to A2K, btw.

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That thread is a great read. It made me feel like I'm not crazy. Believe me, I'm not the type of guy that can go around telling my friends what I'm feeling...if I were to mention "dreams" and "butterflies" to any one of my friends...oh jeez...lol

Another aspect of this I forgot to mention. The last time I had dreams like this (that I can recall) were dreams about my wife! We were co-workers when we met with hardly a passing flirt between us, a very professional relationship. If only she knew then the things that were going through my mind! Twisted Evil

This is hard to explain but there were times when I would wake up in the middle of the night and, momentarily, I thought she was there in my apartment. A feeling that she was close or something. I don't doubt for a moment that I was telling myself I had found the woman with whom I would grow old. Idea

But now those feelings/dreams are back. Not sexual like the other ones were but more emotional...more, you know...butterflies.

Thanks for the welcome.

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Re: Recently married...need some advice/guidance

Kester Teague wrote:

My wife and I have been married for less than a year. It's wonderful and I am dedicated to her in every way.

Lately, I've been having dreams about my first love from when I was 16 years old, about 15 years ago. I've been thinking about this girl quite a bit and I'm starting to wonder if I'm crazy or something.

I've always remember the girl (no one forgets their first). We had a very sweet, innocent and happy relationship. I'm just wondering why she is in my thoughts lately. Would contacting her be inappropriate? I wonder if I'm just reminiscing about her, longing for the more innocent period of my life that wasn't filled with work/bills/taxes and the other daily grind type stuff that comes with it all.

Perhaps the "dreams" are simply in relation to the way you feel/felt while being with these two women at different times. Elation is elation and it's not that uncommon for an emotion to remind one of similar emotions at prior times in our life.

Why would you desire to contact your 1st love? What is your intent?

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Re: Recently married...need some advice/guidance

baddog1 wrote:

Why would you desire to contact your 1st love? What is your intent?

Hmm...

I guess I would just tell her how I was doing, what I've done in my life. Hear what she's done in hers etc. Tell her that I've not forgotten her.

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Realize that your dreams are just dreams and nothing for you to act on or become alarmed about.
But be honest with yourself now. The fact that you're actually thinking about contacting her, even if only out of curiosity, is kind of strange. Are you sure there's nothing else going on in your marriage, or not going on, that's bringing on these thoughts and urges? I mean, why would you want to tell another woman that you haven't forgotten about her? Why should that be important to you?

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eoe wrote:

Realize that your dreams are just dreams and nothing for you to act on or become alarmed about.
But be honest with yourself now. The fact that you're actually thinking about contacting her, even if only out of curiosity, is kind of strange. Are you sure there's nothing else going on in your marriage, or not going on, that's bringing on these thoughts and urges? I mean, why would you want to tell another woman that you haven't forgotten about her? Why should that be important to you?

Those are good questions.

Hmm, I mean...who forgets their first love? Isn't it neat to catch up with people from your past? I mean, high school reunions and stuff...you meet old flames etc. I dunno, something tells me I'm trying to lie to myself there, I dunno. This has all thrown me for a loop.

Our marriage is fine. Financial problems, but who doesn't? Nothing we aren't going to get through, we've been through much worse. I mean, I think we're both realizing that the day to day life is setting in.

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I'm not married. I have had longings and thoughts about my first real relationship not so long ago. And I am in a relationship.

This may sound outrageous to you, but have you shared anything of that past that involved the girl you are dreaming of with your wife?

A dramatic approach would be to bring that photo album into the open, flip through it with her, share and laugh and tell stories together.

You haven't seen her since you were a teen or so right? So the person you are dreaming of does not exist. At least, not as you know her or think of her.
These are memories. Good ones!

Sharing brought perspective and closeness for me. Maybe it will work for you.

If not bringing out the whole photo album, simply talking to your wife or going and doing things from that time in your life with your wife that make you feel how you felt back then.

Innocence and sweetness can be reclaimed! At least in feeling.

but this is just an idea... :wink:

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Re: Recently married...need some advice/guidance
Write one of those annual holiday newsletters about your new marriage and how life is going for the two of you as you build your new family. Send it around to mutual friends and family and leave it at that.

If she's not someone you'd want your wife to know and ask why she's on the list of recipients, there's your answer to your dilemma. Leave her off the list and don't make contact if you can't contact her as a couple. Use the time to work on your relationship with your wife.

Kester Teague wrote:

baddog1 wrote:

Why would you desire to contact your 1st love? What is your intent?

Hmm...

I guess I would just tell her how I was doing, what I've done in my life. Hear what she's done in hers etc. Tell her that I've not forgotten her.

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The chemical madness phase is fading, in other words...

Hey A2K'ers, think we can put together some sort of a book about chemical madness, how long it lasts, what to expect, and what NOT to expect, go on Oprah, and make millions?

So many people come here with variations of the same problem, and so few seem to realize that it's a biological fact and not a huge deal...

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sozobe wrote:

The chemical madness phase is fading, in other words...

The newness is wearing off... :wink:

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The honeymoon is over... Rolling Eyes

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Our honeymoon is over
And the best days of our love
Are dead and gone
Instead of growing closer
This time goes on and on
We're getting miles apart
Though you're beside me as before
And when we kiss goodnight I find...

...That since we're sharing the same bed
We're not sharing the same dreams
Anymore
That since we're sharing the same bed
We're not sharing the same dreams
Anymore...

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Well, no.

I mean, maybe that's what's happening here, but that's not what I was referring to in general. Different, yes, but "best days of our love are dead and gone," hardly.

Recently married...need some advice/guidance

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