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Sun 2 Sep, 2007 04:37 pm
I met a guy through an online dating service. We hit it off big time. First it started off as emailing every night for hours on end. We did this for maybe 4 days. Then he finally asked me for my phone number. We talked on the phone for 3+ hours for 4 days or so before he asked me out on the first date. Well the night before the big date he asked if he could come and see me that night. It was late and the phone conversation had gotten pretty heavy. I of course was anxious to meet him and agreed. We ended up sleeping together after talking for a few hours in person at my place. We just had this connection. The next night our date night went off well. I fixed dinner at my place and we hung out and talked and talked like we had been. Eventually it was like ok we are both tired lets go lay down type thing. Of course that progressed.
We had another date planned for the next night at his place. We weren't able to keep that date because his father was in a very serious car accident so things went on hold. We have kept in touch and I've told him that I'm here for him when ever he needs someone. We haven't had the long phone calls and such because he has been spending so much time travelling back and forth to the hospital. We have been together since the accident by me driving up to his place and spending the night and then coming back home before work the next day.
Would you consider this casual sex or more than that? I know he has a lot going on right now but he is the one that keeps asking me to come up and stay with him. But as far as any other commitment I'm not getting it. Honestly I know I'm emotionally involved with him. What do others think?
What does he say avbout this when you ask him? That's more important than anyone's opinion here. I'd be only guessing and a guess here by someone outside of the circumstances is useless and could be misleading.
BTW, I'm a cautious sort of person, but have you independently verified that his Dad IS in the hospital? Also, have you verified that he's not married? Sorry if that sounds cynical or harsh.
This all sounds very fast ....not that it can't be all that it is, but I'd be careful. I've been dating through online connections for over 10 years so I've experienced a lot. IMHO about 95% of the time with it's best to go a bit slower. However, you might be that lucky 5%.
I wish all the best, but be prepared by doing a little more homework.
Yes I have verified his dad is in the hospital. Broken neck and two broken legs. He is divorced and I have met his son.
I haven't had a chance to ask him if it is just casual sex. He has been at the hospital all weekend. His dad is in ICU and they block cell phone signals within the hospital.
What other things should I look at?
Nothing else, short of running a background check on him (not recommended unless you decide to move in together this next week).
How long has he been divorced? Was the divorce nasty?
You need to be patient and caring..as you have been so far. Keep your center, as the New-agers would say. When it's appropros, ask him about the casual relationship part. I would ask the next time there's a sleep-over..well before bedtime.
Question: you say that you are not getting another indication of commitment, but have you asked for it in so many words? What did his online ad say about what sort of commitment he was looking for?
During those long convos you had through email and phone calls, what did he say about what he was looking for from a relationship?
Oh yes -- how's his Dad doing? will he pull through OK?
And, how is your son taking this? Has he met the new guy?
This is far more involved and complicated than was first indicated.
I had a long talk with him late last night. I told him I needed to know where I stood. Basically he said he is committed to seeing where the relationship goes. We don't have a crystal ball to know what is going to happen in the future but that he wants to find out. Which is all that I was asking. I just didn't want to be strung along without knowing whether it was a potential situation in both of our eyes or whether it was just me and about sex. Luckily he said it has potential in his eyes but that we just have to keep in mind that right now his dad needs him and it will make things difficult for awhile. I felt so much better after having the conversation with him. He did tell me that I need to stop thinking so much! But that he understands why I was concerned but I didn't need to be. We are just going to take one minute at a time right now to see where things go.
His dad is doing better but is still listed in serious condition. Developed a blood clot in one of his broken legs that the doctors are watching very closely.
He has been divorced two years now and it was bitter. He is definitely looking for a serious relationship. He is not the type to go around sleeping with a bunch of women because he hates cheaters. His ex-wife was one.
My son hasn't met him yet. He knows that I have a friend but it is to soon to involve him yet. I met his son because he needed the support of a friend one weekend when things were really rough with his dad but he needed to stay home with his son. We hit it off well as I'm sure my son will do with both of them.
Umm, Photogal... all that you write here is fine and all but ... across the other side of A2K you mentioned about last you were depressed to the extent of feeling suicidal. What happened to that situation? It didn't just go away, did it?
I think it's very curious and a bit disturbing that you are here now and aren't even mentioning that at all. What gives?
Ragman- Agree-
Photogal- Another thing. If you are depressed enough to consider yourself suicidal, and are considering hospitalization, now is definitely NOT the time to become involved with somebody. You need to straighten out your own life, before you allow even more complications.
Prince Charming is a very tempting solution to all problems--but in this day and age, Prince Charming is more likely to be an ideal than a reality.
Your new swain has lots of problems of his own right now. You've been waiting almost eight years for a good man to share your life with and having a Possible Good Man preoccupied and available only part time is nerve-wracking.
All the same, this guy can't solve your problems with depression and with collecting support from your child's father. You have to do that. If you need professional help to deal with the chaos of your life right now (mostly from things beyond your control) get professional help.
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