THE SIMPSONS!!!!!!

Homer talking to his brain
Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Homer takes lie detector test
Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes.

.....the lie dectector blows up

Suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.

Wedding x Weeding !!!!!!
Homer: What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.

Muppet
Bart: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know.

To Ralph
Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

Uruguay
Must read
Homer: [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay!!!!!'

SPEED
Must read
Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down."

Reverse psychology
Must read
Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: no! I will!

911
Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Grandpa's oneliner to Homer
Brilliant
Lisa: I'm an ugmo.
Homer: Now, that's not true. You're cute as a bug's ear.
Lisa: Father's have to say that little stuff.
Homer: Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear?
Grandpa: No. You're homely as a mule's butt.
Homer: There. See?

Homer to Bart
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it.

Now get out the way! they're about to announce the lottery numbers.