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Sat 18 Aug, 2007 04:25 pm
Hi, my name is Touch, I'm married and have a child. I left my first boyfriend Sam 24 years ago (1983). We dated for 2 years and I loved him so much ( I still do until now). He was my soulmate. I moved to the States to join the rest of my family. I never told Sam that one day, I would have to leave him. I was so young then, scared and very sad at the fact that I was going to leave him and I never knew when I'd be back. I didn't have any clue how to tell him. I was going crazy. But then, we had a fight and never reconciled until the day of my departure for the States. I didn't call him anymore, I just left without talking to him, I did not even say goodbye. When I was in the States, I wrote him a letter and apologized for what I did and to my surprise, he replied. Though it hurt him, he forgave me. To make the story short, we started our long distance relationship which lasted for about a year. Then he stopped writing me. But I never stopped writing and was hoping that he would but never did. The next thing I knew, he got married in 1989. He also has two grown up children.
It hurt me so much cause I really loved Sam, I suffered a great deal. It took me 9 years before I started dating. Finally, I met Peter and we started dating then six months later, I got pregnant by accident. We got married in 1992. Peter (my husband) told me later that he never really wanted to get married, he married me only because of the baby. I never felt that my husband loves me. And I never really loved him. But we felt we had to carry on with our lives and stay married for our child's sake.
NOW here's the real issue. Last year, I received a phone call. It was Sam! I was flattered and happy to hear his voice again after 24 years. We talked for hours and now, he calls me every single day. He told me that he made a mistake and he's really sorry. Finally we both agreed to see each other. We met and talked about our future. He wants me back, I still love Sam and I can imagine being with him forever.
I don't know what to do. Please, can you help me shed some light in my situation? Thanks in advance for your advice. I appreciate it.
Very confused,
Touch
Factors to consider
1. The kid
2. Peter said he didn't love you it was just for the kid.
3. Sam left you hanging for another women and now comes back. Why?
--------------------------------
Does Peter love you yet and will he?
Why is Sam Back?
How old is the kid?
Touch--
Do you think that Peter wants to end the marriage? Would a divorce be amiable?
While it is very flattering to know that Sam says he still loves you--especially when Peter has announced that he feels trapped into marriage--I don't think that being loved by Sam is going to solve all your problems.
A third person--Sam in this case--can't "fix" either your unhappiness or your marriage. Remember, Sam is lovey-dovey now, but he was out of your life for 24 years.
You seem to have trouble being an independent person. You went along with your parents' wishes when you were a young woman. Then a pregnancy determined your marriage. Now Sam is showing you a way out of that marriage....
Who are you, Touch? What do you want?
In my experience, people who reunite after a long period of time do so in a futile attempt to recapture their youth.
Good times tend to be remembered, bad times are erased or glossed over. You aren't who you were 25 years ago and neither is he.
i say hang out for a long time before doing anything "intimate", if you cant be just friends for more than id say a few months then it wont work really.
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