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Wed 1 Aug, 2007 02:09 am
So I had this notion today: It is really difficult to introduce your partner to your fetishes. I did some internalizing about this subject and why that is. Some thoughts came to mind.
1) Some fetishes are more socially acceptable than others.
2) Despite some fetishes being more socially acceptable than others, the notion of proposition is still intimidating.
3) Some people feel or are trained to feel shame about thier fetish.
4) The emotions experianced upon a partners rejection of a given fetish can in some cases be similar to the emotions felt in other forms of rejection: romantic, sexual, or platonic.
5) Couples who are comfortable in a relationship may prevent themselves from the introduction of thier personal fetishes, for the same reasons that they might have reservations about approaching someone they are attracted to.
In my opinion, the introduction alone of individuals fetishes seems to be an incredible stress. I can only imagine in some cases how that stress can compound.
1) He/she is not into whatever but fears rejection so shys away from rejecting their partner.
2) He/she is repulsed by their own fetishes, and rejects their partner on the basis of accepting their fetishes. (I'm not making this one up.) This is the "I shouldn't be into this, and neither should you, but we are."
3) He/she finds that their fetish is rejected, but is not rejected romantically. the rejected partner then feels embarrassed and becomes reclusive in other area of the relationship fetish independant.
etc, etc, etc. I think I could go on all day.
Thoughts?
K
O
I'd guess that you'd have to trust your partner before sharing "controversial" preferences.
One lover aborted our relationship by announcing that he'd like to rip my clothes off. He did. I decided we were not romantically compatable. He decided I was too uptight.
I don't think my husband or I have any fetishes. I did make him dress as a Scotsman for Halloween once, just to see what he would look like in a kilt. We had great sex that night. It's now become his annual costume. Does that count?
I've always wanted to see a woman naked....
Green Witch wrote:I don't think my husband or I have any fetishes. I did make him dress as a Scotsman for Halloween once, just to see what he would look like in a kilt. We had great sex that night. It's now become his annual costume. Does that count?
While I'm not sure if you are serious, I would like to ask a question.
What was the turn on: Was it the kilt or was it perhaps the adoration you felt for your husbands willingness/openess to participate?
If it was the kilt, I'd venture to say it was a fetish, if it was the later of the two (as I suspect) I'd just assume that you were arroused by your husbands willingness to have fun and be social. I know I foster many positive feelings for my girlfriend when she shows that she'll do something new. Everytime she s willing to try a new food for instance (because she's a really picky eater), I feel really drawn to her. It's as if I feel that her willing to step out of her comfort zone for me is a very great complement to our relationship.
I wonder how this applies to fetishes? What does it mean to a partner when theirfetishes are accepted?
T
K
O
I believe the definition of a fetish is that you need that thing for sexual gratification. Even if it isn't present, you have to fantasize about it.
A fetish is only out of hand if it interferes with your relationships.
My post was serious. The kilt thing started as a joke after I read a book called Outlander, which is sort of time travel romance about 17th century Scotland. I loved the book and my husband teased me about my taste in literature. I told him I thought he would look sexy in a kilt and he should fulfill my fantasy by actually buying one. It just happened to be around Halloween and we were invited to large costume party, so it was an easy deal to put together. I think the turn on was 1. He was willing to play along, although his Scottish accent could use a lot of work. 2. He really did look good in the thing 3. I have a sort of matching wench costume (former Renaissance Faire girl here) which turns him on. 4. I had a blast literally lifting his skirt when no appeared to be looking (something he has done to me on occasion) 5. It brought a little kinkiness into our then 8 year marriage (now 13 years).
It's not something I get a great craving for - once a year is enough and it keeps the novelty alive.
If you ever do get a craving. Go to Seattle in Pioneer Village, there is a store: Utilikilts. The sell only one thing.
T
Kilts!
O
Seattle is a little far from the east coast, but lucky for me there is a place called Dooner's that sells all things Scotish in a nearby county. Only 3 more months until Halloween:
So what's your fetish Diest?
_________________________
he's currently searching for a japanese girlfriend... so i'm gonna guess something far eastern >.>;
Your 'fetish' is to tell your friend's business to a forum?
Green Witch wrote:I don't think my husband or I have any fetishes. I did make him dress as a Scotsman for Halloween once, just to see what he would look like in a kilt. We had great sex that night. It's now become his annual costume. Does that count?
Yeah, I think so.....did ya get pics??????
so would being spanked be considered a fetish??? it seems more of a dominent thing than anything else.
Mynameiswhat wrote:he's currently searching for a japanese girlfriend... so i'm gonna guess something far eastern >.>;
nihongo ga dekimasu ka?
Actually I have a girlfriend already. I probably should change the avatar.
What's my fetish? Really, really, really graphic drty talk.
Talk isn't so cheep.
K
O
Aw, Greenwitch, I loved Outlander! I could definitely see getting a kilt fetish after that book...
Apologies to Mynameiswhat, I see I was wrong and that you were just reading Diest's avatar!
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