Women who refrain.

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I'm talking about sex.

Men, please give me your opinion on women who refrain.

Women, do you ever refrain?

I'm asking this because oddly, ever since I broke up with my ex bf, I have done this everytime I have been with someone. It's been 3 years and I haven't been in any other committed relationship as of yet. It seems like I cannot "give myself away" again, but only with sex. And it feels weird having sex just for sex. Even when I feel really hot for the guy, or even very passionate about him, I don't let myself enjoy it. I find it invasive... I refrain from the pleasure and therefore I don't physically enjoy myself during the act.

Is this normal? I really think this will change once I find someone I trully like and trust again.

I really appreciate all coherent feedback.
Thanks!

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Hey - SUPERJULY! Good to see you! I dunno how to answer your question, just wanted to say hello.

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Good to see you too, Littlek !! Hows you, dear dear?
Hows Boston?

Oh, come on... think! I need other people's insight.
A2k is more affordable than a psychologist... you people already know that. Need help here!!

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Ok. Something seems unresolved. Either you're not over your ex or you aren't over something that happened with your ex.

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Or she feels that sex is not a part of social currency in a dating situation.

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Yeah, I know it ain't easy for other people to give an advice on that... It ain't easy talking about it either... I only ask because this is really bothering me.

I'm long over my ex. But it was a very unhealthy relationship and I got out of it quite low on self-esteem.... and up to this date I resent dating him for as long as I did.

ehhh.. I don't know what the problem is, really.
I just wonder if other people go through something similar, either women who refrain or men who know women who refrain, and what they do to deal with it...

Thanks Littlek... Hope you're doing great!

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I'll help you out, but first you have to have sex with me.

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It sounds like some sort of self-punishment to me... But then what the heck do I know???

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superjuly wrote:

But it was a very unhealthy relationship and I got out of it quite low on self-esteem.... and up to this date I resent dating him for as long as I did.

ehhh.. I don't know what the problem is, really.

That's it. That's the problem.

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You sound like a broken, emotionally unstable woman. Just the kind I attract.

I think you should just keep whoring it up, until you like sex again. I find rape scenario role-plays with someone dressed as a clown usually helps women like you break out of their funk.

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SuperJ - do you want to have sex or do you feel you should?

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Hey Superjuly, nice to see you again.

Hm, it seems to me you are just not ready to emotionally engage with
another man,. Physically you do, but this leaves you emotionally lacking
something.

Since you've had a rough relationship for such a long time, it would
also take quite some time to establish yourself again, regain your self worth and self esteem. Once you're confident about yourself again, you should
be able to properly give and receive - emotionally and sexually.

So my advice is: take some me-time and work on your emotional well
being, then go out and knock them dead Wink

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You could start by repulsing the A2K Resident Bad Boys--even if they are so cutsie-wootsie.

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Or cutsie-woodsie, as the case may be...

Hi, Super, nice to see you here, whatever the circumstances.

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If I am clear on this, you refrain from the pleasure, because of the invasiveness you feel, but still have sex? Or not? (Not to be intrusive, just to be clear, because my questions/comments would vary depending on what you meant.) Not that you should listen to me, but I might be able to come up with some questions to think about.

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This may be too private to talk about so skip over if you wish.

Is masturbation an enjoyable activity or do you avoid that form of self love as well?

It seems to me that you need to relearn yourself as a worthwhile, attractive sensual person.

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Oh, wow... This is some very good feedback. I could identify with most of it, really!

I don't know about self punishment, though. And nowadays I feel pretty confident on my self worth and self esteem.
Osso, I do still have sex... I just don't allow myself the pleasure. weeeeird. But I mostly enjoy it anyway.

But I'll leave this subject at this. Thank you very much you guys. Talking about it really makes it a little less frustrating.

I'll read the posts again... think lots about it... find the man of my dreams... and certainly knock him dead !

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Superjuly--

The Man of Your Dreams will materialize in springtime--after the dreary rains.

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SuperJ,
it seems to me I've been reading something like this can be related to change in birth control, if that is a consideration.

Dadpad may have a good point..

and a third thought, is along with CJane's comment about me-time, and gain in self esteem. It's hard to re-equilibrate after a long relationship leaves you hurt and reeling about self esteem. Trust is a difficult subject for a lot of us, but love is worth while. Love yourself first.

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Glad I could help, SJ. I know you have to do the politically correct thing and thank everyone, but we all know I gave you the best advice. You're welcome. Be strong, little tiger.

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Women who refrain.

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