Well that's just RUDE!

I've told this before.....

When I was little, I was walking out of a store, in front of my mother, and let it drop without thinking.

That was the absolute LAST time I EVER walked through a door without glancing behind me to see if anyone's there.

I don't care if I could swear on a stack of bibles no one was behind me. I look....and, sometimes, someone had magically materialized out of thin air.

That is one thing I would like to specifically ask.....

WHY does anyone walk through a door without looking to see if someone is, not just behind them, but within a dozen steps so you can wait and hold the door for them.

To me, that is a HUGE opportunity missed to show a kindness. ESPECIALLY toward the elderly, that and a major respect.

For someone to say they were too busy, in a rush, or pre-occupied is pure and utter bullshit.

I held doors open for people when I was on my way into the ICU to visit my husband for the 10 minutes out of the 2 hours or something I was allowed to go in.

Don't talk to me about preoccupied.

I'm trying to remember... I think I do, that back in the fifties, women did used to keep their hats on in 'fine' restaurants (picturing those little hats that often had veils). The gloves would go in the handbag...

Sometimes when walking through a door, and nobody is behind me, I just hold the door and wait. I've made a few dollars in tips this way.

So where's the line as to where you can/can't wear your hat indoors? Are you talking about somebody's home, or should I take it off in a sports bar too?

I never mentioned a door, that was sweettart.

as to the hat issue, yes, I did address that....reread.

If you had read that part, you also would know why I don't consider them silly.

sexist?
I hold doors for men, children, women.

If there was an equivalent of taking off a hat, I'd do it. don't need to rationalize it by sex, it's the respectful thing to do.

It warms my heart when I see a small child performing what some might call an archaic form of etiquette. The little one is learning small actions mean kindness. That same child is less likely to be the one running around and screaming, in my experience.

Slappy, you take off you "I f*cked your sister" cap any time you go indoors.

Office
Home
Bar
Restaurant

Take off your hat.

The only exceptions are for religious purposes, which, whether you are a believer or not, is that person showing respect for their diety.

The "rule," which is now archaic, and meaningless, is that if you are under cover, you uncover. That means you take your hat off whenever you go indoors. It was once also considered good manners for a man to uncover in the presence of a lady.

Chai, you don't want to know about Virginia etiquette. When I was a mere child, my oldest sister never let me eat a meal in peace. She had a formal dinner party one evening, and my dad was there. She noticed that he didn't have his napkin in his lap and surreptiously placed it there. He immediately put it on the table again. Clueless sis then did it a second time upon which, my dad banged it on the table three times. My sis immediately became engrossed in eating her soup. (with the proper spoon, of course.)

Yes, there are old customs that originate for a reason. Anyone recall that the man walks on the outside of a sidewalk when he and a woman are together? Know why?

Also, there is the custom of having three buttons on a man's jacket. Know why?

I hold doors for men as well as women. Frankly, it has to do with convenience, and it always elicits a smile.

The man walks on the outside to protect the woman from splashes from the puddles in the street.

Setanta, I have always heard that in old Europe, folks would empty their slop jars from the window above. The one on the outside of the sidewalk would take the brunt of it. As for the hat in the house, I think that may have to do with a superstition.

I don't get why he banged it on the table.

I was taught you put your napkin in your lap as soon as you sat down.

Of course I know why a man walks outside the lady...so she won't get mud spattered on her.

I never understood why people have a hard time remember which spoon/fork to use...you work from the outside in....is that so hard to remember?

All these little ettiquettes might seem useless, until the day you are in a situation where you don't know what to do and realize you are standing out like a sore thumb. Then, you might feel resentful, as if others are putting on airs, but if the others truely had good manners, they would cover for you and quietly show you the proper way.

You don't care about that you say? Well, part of being a social being is networking, and there's nothing wrong with making a good impression.

Letty, actually I think this would be the perfect place to educate us in Southern Manners.

Overall, do you feel it's about doing the gracious thing and making others feel comfortable?


Three buttons?
No, I don't know that one...

Actually, it reads "tell your mother to stop texting me."

I'm glad I found this thread. The concert I'm going to tonight is indoors, I'll have to make sure I remove my cap and bow at every lass that crosses my path.

Set,

I heard that in England the man walked on the inside... to make sure that refuse thrown out of the window would hit him instead of the lady. I don't know if this is true or not.

Chai,

I agree with you about holding doors. Thoughtfulness is a great thing. I don't think thoughtfulness should (or can) be enforced by rules.

I'd suggest that what you read was somebody's imaginary scenario. In the first place, neighborhoods in which people threw rubbish or the contents of a pisspot out the window were likely to have few ladies or gentlemen living in them or even passing through--unless they passed through in a carriage or a sedan chair. There is another reason why that sounds dubious to me--in England, and in London in particular, people got around the regulations which specified how much right of way had to be afforded in a street by building outward above the ground floor. The first floor (which is what the English call what we would call the second floor) projected out beyond the front of the building. Anything thrown from the windows would have been more likely to have struck whoever was walking on the outside.

er, eBrown, did you see my post? If something is thrown from a window, gravity predicts that it will hit the one on the outside.

Chai, my dad banged his napkin on the table three times to warn my sister that he would not tolerate her silly rules of etiquette. He was an iconoclast.

There are three buttons on a man's coat so that he will not wipe his nose on the sleeve. Behavior modification existed back then as well.

Oops, crossed posts, Setanta

It is a nice gesture of respect and common decency to hold a girl's hair back and away from her face while she's vomitting.

Oh, and also while she's blowing you.

Noisy chewing is a pet peeve of mine. Chewing with mouth wide open, that slapping slurping noise that can be lessened if the dumb-ass would only chew with his/her mouth closed. It is just plain rude and I always think that their parents never taught them any manners at all. I especially hate gum chewing. It IS possible to chew gum with your mouth closed!

Also, clipping fingernails in public, or cleaning/picking at nails so that there is any kind of clickity-click noise. Absolutely well and truly disgusting. It's like a dripping tap to me. I am driven insane and I have, and will continue to, scream at anyone who does it around me.

See, the thing is....what makes something generally understood to be thoughtful and kind....the fact that so many people do it, and so many people appreciate it.

When so many people are all doing the same thing, it becomes....well, in your words, a rule.

Which BTW, I don't think I ever used the word rule...

You call it a rule...I think of it as guidelines.

To bring up new technology again, for example, cell phone, ipods and the like.

Because things are developing at a faster and faster pace, I don't think we as a people, or actually I should say some, are developing the proper methods to handle situations without causing others discomfort.

In the "olden days" when the phone rang, the phone was in one stationary place in your house, where you went to IT, which was probably out of the way, and you could converse without others hearing much of what you are saying.

With cell phones, a person sitting a foot away from you can take a call and no matter how quiet they are, you can't help avoid hearing them....cool whip, this is not eves dropping, it's having someone a foot or 2 from you ear, talking. The other person is wishing they couldn't hear you.

So....YOU being the one that prompted the distraction, YOU should be the one to retire to a quieter area. That is just common sense.

Some, especially younger people, may say this doesn't matter. However, when I've seen people of any age use their noodle and move off so you won't be distracted from what you're doing....I've consciously thought "What a considerate person" You've left a good impression.

ipods, well, yes, you can't hear them, but....it's like the person is purposely cutting themselves off from you. Saying "Don't you dare talk to me, can't you see I'm plugged into this technology which is obviously more important than another human being?"

Sure, listen to your ipod, but, if you go into a place where actual human beings may try to communicate with you, make the ultimate sacrifice and disconnect yourself from it for a whole 5 or 10 minutes.

oh....and sunglasses....I wear them when I'm outside. Unless I walk up to someone to talk, or someone comes up to me. Then, I take them off so they can see my eyes.

Try doing that to someone next time you have sunglasses on....well, you might have to do it a couple of times, but you'll see the most amazing thing....when you take off your glasses and look the other person in the eye, they will get this little spark in their eye, like "hey, that's pretty cool, they're looking at me and not hiding behind this dark glass"

But I suppose if you're the type that can't be bothered to NOT be totally emmersed in themselves every second...you probably don't even realize other people exist.

because certain rules with regards to others is what makes us decent.

I'm all for naked women eating at table even with a hat.

oh dear now what did I say

I do that.

Another rude behavior concerning cell phones that I absolutely HATE is when you're hanging out with someone and they get a call on their cell phone and proceed to not only take it, but to get into a whole phone conversation while you're standing there like a moron. I have killed people for this before. And I enjoyed it.