Is it okay to bribe your kids?

yes.

Hmmm...

I dunno if "bribe" is the way to think about it. "Reward" for willingly and helpfully going along with a major life change, maybe. Or even just plain "perk." (I mean, the short and cool walk to school isn't a bribe, right?)

That's about the concept in general -- I see what you mean about how it may run into problems when applied to a puppy, though. Something about puppy = move so if Mo isn't happy with the move he might be unhappy with the puppy. That part I don't know about, though.

I'm not convinced that trying to make things easier for someone is bribery.

In your particular example, you're trying to help Mo see other perspectives.

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As an aside, somewhat related, did you take photos of the events (kiddie parade etc) on the day you visited with Mo?

I was thinking about a 'cool things about the new place' journal or bulletin board for Mo - pictures of friends he can see on weekends, places he'll be closer to, cool things about the new house, hardware supply place he can visit with you when you're doing reno stuff ...

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The puppy could be sorta coincidental with the move - not a feature of the move. Maybe part of Mo's job for the move could be planning where the puppy could go for walks, where he could play ... have Mo take on puppy love responsibility instead of the puppy being responsible for Mo's happiness (not that you're saying it in that way).

Of course it's ok, but that doesn't seem like "bribery" to me. It sounds like a wonderful thing to do in order to ease your child's transition into a new home.

it's a consolation, not bribery. he's losing his friends (multiple), but getting a puppy to make it a bit easier on him. nope, not a bribery.

I take that back -- I don't think it should be dependent on his attitude towards the move. It very well might suck, and that's OK. The suckiness shouldn't have to be stifled.

We took more of a perk approach -- the zoo (visited and photographed before we moved, and put in an album with other fun Columbus trip photos), and a sandbox that the previous owners left behind for her, that kind of thing. But it wasn't tied to her tolerance for the move, just used as something positive to look forward to.

just keep in mind that a puppy is a long-term commitment !
would you expect mo to clean up after the dog - there won't be a fairy lady to do it or will there ?

in my experience , MONEY can be a good "motivational tool" (and it does not leave a mess behind) - i've both been a recipient and a dispenser over the years - doesn't have to be a large amount .

i'd say if mo is old enough to take on all the responsibilities of looking after a dog it should be ok . unfortunately i've seen my share of families that got tired of training and caring for a dog quickly ...
hbg

Funny, that kinda ties in to what I was just talking to Set about.

One of our neighbours has got a new puppy. He just arrived from Greece on Saturday. He's got jet lag, he's not at all sure about his new mom, and his new older sister (a slightly older puppy) is showing him that she isn't happy he's arrived in her house. His move to Toronto is really sucking right now. If there was a Mo at his house to help him adjust to the move (and protect him from his puppy sister), he'd probably be a happier puppy soon.

A boy and a puppy might be able to compare notes on move-suckiness, and deal with it together (though someone might need to tell the boy about the puppy's move-suckiness feelings).

Hmm.

But the puppy would need to be a "new house" puppy so introducing the idea before we actually get moved can't really happen. The puppy can't stay in the house by itself and if we get it before we move he has the old house AND the puppy.

I think it would need to be "Oh look! This house came with a puppy!" kind of thing.

I just think a puppy of his own would provide him with some companionship and it might be a good way for him to meet people.

It feels sort of like a bribe and sort of like not a bribe. If we do it, I need to make sure that we do it right.

It's not a bribe. It's an enticement. It's an added value item.

Excellent. Really and truly excellent. Thank you.

I understand what you mean, hamburger. We are long time dog owners and Mo has been raised around mulitple dogs. But they have all been twice his age and MY dogs. I think he could handle dog ownership (provided that I pay for all the attendant costs of dog ownership since Mo doesn't have a paying job).

Now that's a bribe, in the truest sense of the word!

The puppy sure sounds like a bribe to me. Just like the money. It may not be as blatant but, it's still a bribe. But hey, accept that and move on. If you chose to go that route then fine. Go for it.

I'd like to expand on my answer.

Please do not get your kid a puppy. This is about him learning that change happens in life and that a person can be okay with change. A puppy (or any other bribe) distracts from learning that lesson.

Talk about the move with him. Compare where you are living now and where you are going, talk about how life is going to be different but kind of the same.

What's he like about living where you are now? Find some things to talk about in the new place that are like them but different. (We've got some big trees here and where we are going they've got big trees and there's some little ones. They call them pine trees.)

Let him choose some changes. Where does he want his bed to be in his new room? By this wall or that wall? ("Oh, good choice, kiddo!") Shelf of toys over here or over there? You can do the whole thing in your minds. Let him imagine the changes and feel that the changes are going to be okay.

And friends? Tell him one of the reasons he has so many friends is that he is so good at making friends. And...... there's going to be friends there, just like where you are now. Compare new to the present and discribe the new as different but okay.

My two kiddos and I moved a bunch of times. Most of the time they were settled in to the different but new before their old man was.

Joe(ch-ch-ch-changes)Nation

I think said it (Joe Nation) good was the last post. To me, getting a dog is bringing in a new family member, and should be tied in with that specific need (desire).

Yes! I love bribing my children! My parents take care of my children off and on during the summer (between various summer camps). Being siblings they fight often and that is the most difficult part of caring for my monster - so I bribe them. They are good for the week (not perfect, but no big fights and they listen to their grandparents), then I take them to the beach or something like that. It works and everyone is happy.

Seriously, of course each situation is different. In general, if it makes things easier and it was something you probably would have given the child any way - why not? It is a win-win situation. In your particular situation if you planned on getting a puppy any way - I would turn it around this way - by moving to a new home we will be able to get a puppy. It isn't really a bribe - it is easing the pain a little bit of moving from his friends. I don't think it is a bad idea at all - I almost look at it as if he will have a friend (the puppy) when he moves.

On the other hand, never allow the child to reverse things around - meaning they bribe you. My older daughter tries this frequently. She will frequently say things like, I'll be good if you buy me such and such. I tell you out right - sorry it doesn't work that way.

To be honest - we will use this similar tactic if and when we move to Texas. We would now have a large enough home where we could have a dog (which we planned on once we owned a home rather than a condo). And along with a big house with their own bedrooms, a backyard, etc. Why wouldn't you want to show the positives of a move?

As an aside, one other thing I recently read about helping kids move is to go from room to room in your current home and say good bye to the house in a sense and even take pictures of them doing their routine things in their "old" home to remember it.

I think a new friend isn't a bribe at all and even if it is, he doesn't have to know that.

Just do it. Just get the puppy to ease transition.

As for actual bribing, I don't think it's always a bad thing.

Using lines like "If you are good at the store, you can play 20 extra minutes of video games tonight" is more like positive reinforcement than a bribe. The problem comes when parents bribe too late, meaning after the bad behavior has started or prior to setting up expectations. LIke in the store when the kid is running rampant and screaming and throwing chips all over the aisle... then it becomes an "I give in to you" situation rather than a "action=consequence" situation.

So......move and then say to Mo, hey, what would you think about a new puppy? I hear there is a puppy down at the local shelter that needs a new home." and just make it about a new puppy, not about moving or the new house or getting him a friend. Just about simply adding a member to the family.

Re: Is it okay to bribe your kids?

No.

A bribe, in the morally objectionable sense, is when you pay someone in a position of trust to betray other people's trust in him for your advantage. Mo isn't in a position of trust; you are not encouraging him to betray anyone; you're merely making him whole for a loss you're about to impose on him. That's a compensation, not a bribe. Nothing is wrong with compensating someone for a loss.

I don't think that a puppy would be a bribe. Your idea of 'look this house came with a puppy sounds good.' Maybe, I would modify it slightly. After moving, I'd say something like 'now that we've got all this space and that (marvelous fenced-in) backyard, we can actually even get a puppy.' Maybe involve him in the puppy-selection process, make it really, truly his.

I think your son is at the perfect age for a puppy, boomerang. (My husband and I hope to be able to get one for our daughter by the time she's ~4.) And, obviously, you know all about puppies and how they are family members because you've always had dogs around.

One last thing, I think that Mo knows a lot about change already. I don't see the harm in making things a trifle easier. It doesn't always have to be hard. (Then again, I'm told I mollycoddle my kid, so what do I know.)

Just my