Contact your local social services agency to inquire what they can do to help you with this problem. Don't try to figure it out on your own. Social workers have the education and experience to help you. But it's up to you to make the first contact with the agency. Good luck.
samo wrote:All of us have the right to choose a better and healthy life
Yes we do, Samo. And I'm glad to hear that you're getting some help so you can get there! Good for you!
I understand about how this affects your entire life. Of course it does. J_B talked about how she went through hell when her husband was depressed, and that's a good way to describe it. I know my husband has suffered when I have been depressed too, although he says now it was all worth it. I think it's fair to warn you that if you do divorce, that will bring its own huge emotional upheavals. It's not a simple solution at all. For your peace of mind, I'd encourage you to stick with the marriage as long as there's a chance things will improve.
samo, You need to see a counselor for yourself to help you hang in there. Your mental health is important too.
samo,
Since I haven't put in the time to send a pm (private message) yet, I will hope you are still monitoring this thread.
How are things going? Any progress? Hanging in there? Let us know.
Sincerely,
hsbnd10
RED SKELTON'S -TIPS FOR A LASTING MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little
beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on
Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Calif. and mine is in
Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested
the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit
down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was
water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In
the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud
fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the
garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
"Always".
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to
interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the
TV?" I said "Dust!"
Re: help: what to do with depressed wife?
samo wrote:Hello, I've been married with my wife for 9 months now and the situation's growing worse. she was just fine and happy up to the minute when we came back from our honeymoon. she's drown in depression not wanting to do anything. she never went back to her part time job (she another part time job though), she gets up everyday at 2pm, not interest on anything whatsoever, she doesnt want to have any intimacy with me, yes no sex since we came back from our honeymoon 9 months ago. she barely makes enough money to pay her bills and stressed because of money, her job pays really bad and she works 20 hrs/week and wont look for a better job even when she's had tons of chances. we've been to counseling and she's made compromises in the past but she's failed to every single of them, all she says to me is to leave her alone that's her bussiness. on my point of view I think she doesnt want to deal with marriage and life in general and responsabilities, she acts like if she were living with her dad. I'm still trying to figure out what to do to help her, so far I've tried all I can, even when I'm keeping my real feelings about the situation, I just try to be the best for her and support her no matter what, but there's so much a human being can take. I love her with all my heart but it breaks my heart she's leaving her marriage sink down the drain.
any ideas of how to deal with a situation like this?
Thanks
You need to realize that depression is not a choice and get her into her doctor!
I go suffer from manic depression and there is not a more hopeless feeling when you are in one of these "funks" and you don't know why and you don't understand. You convince yourself you are going nuts..... or worse.
PLEASE get her professional help!
Dear Samo,
You sound like the sweetest, dearest, kindest, most patient, understanding, loving, supportive man that I've heard of in a long, long time....
I really hope things work out with you and your wife -- I hope she realizes how lucky she is -- I really do.
But just in case things don't work out -- would you marry me?
Love,
Stray Cat
P.S. At least, let me ask you -- what country are you from? Are there anymore back there like you?
Hope you're still out there somewhere, Samo!
Guys,
I am afraid Samo isn't with us any longer. Often what happens when people start to get "professional" help is that the "professionals" tell them to stop listening to the "amateurs" on the internet-sometimes that can be a good thing, sometimes it robs them of one of their only support systems.
But I bet that is what has happened to Samo.
Maybe he will check in some time...
Samo?
And many times people lurk, without posting, which we understand.
You may be right, that samo has been advised to not listen here. I think we are pretty helpful to listen to as a wide group, as checks and balances happen... but can understand a dictum to not tune in to the internet as a general rule.
I can see a whole series of posts by many totally disrupting a counselling session.
Wonder what Lola would say about this.
Personally, I find the internet full of hooey and beyond my wildest dreams for information and nuance.
Well, I guess you guys are right. I hope Samo and his wife are getting some counseling -- and I hope for both their sakes that it's helping them to get closer and work together on their marriage.
But -- if you ever want to stop by just to say "hi" and chat with us -- feel free, Samo!
