What should I do? Really want to understand cheating married man!!!

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So, this is the deal: he is a married 28 year old man and im a single -but in a long term commited relationship- 26 year old woman. We used to go to college together and we were the best of friends, flirty taking but never more; when we went to school together he was still single but in a relationship with whom he will later married. I was too with my current boyfriend. He used to tell me that she was not the "woman of this dreams" but that it was OK for the time being.
So fast foward a couple of years later, he got me my first job -we no longer work there nor we work together- and over that job we got more close than ever, we even shared the same locker. The flirty talk got more intense to the point that he told me constanly that I should just leave my boyfriend to be with him (but in a jokingly matter) After I left that job he contacted me and wanted to have dinner. We kissed for the first time that night.
His wife know who I am and hates me -she does not know anything but she suspects- and he stills keeps on looking for me.
Thats has been going on for almost a year.
He once ask me about our relationship and I told him that I love my boyfriend and that I cant have every thing I want and he agreed with me. He even once told me that we were sinning and that he sometimes wanted to end it but he knew that it will just keep on happening.
I really do love my boyfriend -my only boyfriend for that matter-. I have only done anything sexually with my boyfriend and this other guy.
This guy sometimes will not respont to my texts and sometimes will not stop looking for me. He will sometimes only sext and never more, and some times he will tell me that I should marry him and not my boyfried.
Im really confused! I want to understand this guy. Does he care for me? Some times I wonder if Im the women of the dreams he talked about so long ago or if Im just a fling and something we should forget.

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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 1,501 • Replies: 19

@frenchpress,

As Archie Bunker used to often say,
"You can't have your cake and Edith, too!"

1 Reply

@Ragman,

I know rigth!! but it is not that simple or easy.
I care for him, but I understand that we will never be together. We will simply never want to pay the price and shame that we will go through if we ever wanna be together for real. I just want to understand him, if he cares for me. I know this will end, but I dont want to leave this as if is was nothing.

1 Reply

@frenchpress,

frenchpress wrote:

I want to understand this guy. Does he care for me?

does it matter?

you are both in longterm relationships - he married his partner. You are not part of his longterm plan while he's married.

and really what's to understand? he has a wife and a fuckbuddy. it's not complicated.

__

Does your boyfriend think you are in an exclusive relationship with him? if so, it's time to talk to your boyfriend and make sure he understands that he is not in an exclusive relationship. He may be cool with it. If not, time for you to find a partner who is ok with an open relationship.

1 Reply

@frenchpress,

frenchpress wrote:

but it is not that simple or easy.

sure it is

he doesn't want to lose his fuckbuddy

will you stay with him if he tells you straight-out that it's just about the sex with you?

__

he picked someone else to marry

it's not flattering but it's pretty damn easy to understand

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

It matters to me. Thats the thing, I do not want to accept that its just for the sex on his part. Its is great but I do feel more but he is also not a part on my life plans -nor a part on my real life-.
But its hard when you care for someone and if we end it -I know its the best for both of us- it will be as he never existed.
Nobody in my life knows him and I have been thinking of ending it (hense this post) and I have trouble dealing with this.
Thanks for been hard on me, I do need some tough love

2 Replies

@frenchpress,

frenchpress wrote:

I do not want to accept that its just for the sex on his part.

you have no place in his real life

he has no place in your real life

It's about the sex.

It's fun and exciting but it's no fair to his wife or your boyfriend.

___

and talk to your boyfriend. If you truly love him, you have to be honest and let him decide if you're the woman he wants to be in a relationship with.

1 Reply

@frenchpress,

This is an affair:

Quote:

...it will be as he never existed.

Well, that's not entirely true...you will always have the memory and the excitement of what has transpired.

As Bogie's character Rick said to Ingrid's character Ilsa:
"We'll always have Paris!"

Here's a thought:
How about working on your committed real-life relationship and seeing if you can work on making it the exciting intimacy you've been lacking that made you want to continue screwing around with this guy?

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

I have thought about every thing you said, but can it be all about the sex?
We have been best friends and confidants for many years -but we never meet someone from our "real life". When you know someone for YEARS and have heard every thought they have, and still be all about the sex?
It haunts me that maybe we meet too late to be together. Maybe we are just a pair of cowards and will never do anything out of our confort zone.
Am I been naive?

3 Replies

@frenchpress,

You're trying to make it all romantic and dramatic and tragic.

It's not.

He wasn't married when you met. He chose to marry someone else. You were convenient for ******* each other.

Are you going to tell your boyfriend what's been going on?

Are you ready to leave your boyfriend and wait for your fuckbuddy to leave his wife? what if he leaves his wife and doesn't come to you (which seems to be how this sort of thing plays out)? are you ready for that?

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

he married her because he is not a american citizen, he needed the green card. His family did not ever knew when they got married. Im also not an AC

1 Reply

@frenchpress,

There are other routes to the green card. I've got plenty of friends that went the honest way.

He didn't have to marry someone to get a green card. He chose to marry.

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@frenchpress,

frenchpress wrote:

-but we never meet someone from our "real life".

how does his wife know you to hate you then?

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

She saw our facebook message history, she then forbade him from speaking to me. She apparently broke his phone and every time he has an unknow number on his phone she makes an scene because she thinks its me -sometimes it is-. We have never meet.

1 Reply

@frenchpress,

It's an art - recognizing the smell of coffee.

0 Replies

@frenchpress,

ohhhh so it's all stuff he's told you

awesome

you don't even know if it's true

___

seriously - tell your boyfriend and get your own life sorted out

let your buddy get on with his life

1 Reply

@frenchpress,

frenchpress wrote:

I have thought about every thing you said, but can it be all about the sex?

Yes. He is a man. He gets his emotional needs fixed by his wife and physical needs from you. With men, it's food, sex, entertainment. Not necessarily in that order. Everything a man does in life is done to further one of those things.

1 Reply

@McGentrix,

if I ask him about that, do you think he will say the truth? I mean if I ask him if is really only sex. Im sorry if I been anoying but I dont have anyone to talk about this sensitive matter.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Thats true. I have never even question that it maybe all lies about what she knows, but why will he say that?
But I dont think my boyfriend needs to know anything about this, it will just crush him. I dont think its necessary. Why do you think it is? just because of been honest?

0 Replies

@frenchpress,

frenchpress wrote:

if I ask him about that, do you think he will say the truth? I mean if I ask him if is really only sex. Im sorry if I been anoying but I dont have anyone to talk about this sensitive matter.

Absolutely not. He will tell he really loves you and should have chosen you and all the while he will be trying to get your clothes off.

Stop the sex and find out how long he sticks around.

0 Replies

What should I do? Really want to understand cheating married man!!!

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