Men...I need your advice...part two

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Hello everyone- I posted about a month ago about my fiancé who's business went under and now is pushing me away telling me I should be with someone else who can support me. Obviously I'm madly in love and only see this as a life bump in the road. This month was filled with a couple days I love you then next couple days I don't want to be with you followed by being a complete ahole. I do believe he loves me and is acting this way because of the stress he's under and what is happening. I don't think he means it so I brush it off a bit. My girlfriend thinks this is absolutely unacceptable and that he should be clear if he has a plan with me in the future. Not sure what to think, any advice? Currently we are no longer living together and he's said he doesn't want to be with me but he said this three weeks ago and didn't mean it, he said it cause he can't support me and not even himself. I've decided to not answer his calls and to not contact him but I'm wondering if this is right? Should I answer his calls but not contact him? I want to be supportive while he gets his life on track but I don't know what to do? Again thank you to anyone who answers I really appreciate it.

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,826 • Replies: 12

Prepare to get pushed away every time things get rough for him. That's how he problem solves.

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@danielle35,

Punkey is right and in part one I remember telling you this is about you.
Your ability to move on and find a man that's deserving of you.
Don't accept anymore contact from him.
Move on.

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Lady, you are training this man to treat you like ****.

Stop.

Go on with your life. Living with a guy who shits on you sporadically - I don't care what he looks like or how cozy familiar things are - is HELL. It changes who you are and makes you hate life, hate yourself, and eventually hate him.

Don't hang around for all that.

1 Reply

@danielle35,

I get what you feel, I really do. But trust me, that whole "but he's a nice guy/she's a nice girl" thing.. it'll lead to nothing positive. Just to put it straight: you are better off without him. I understand how hard it is when people are responding to you like "just get over it". Yeah, it takes time and a lot of courage to get over someone but try to move on, it can be done, hard, but you have to love yourself more and get some level of esteem or you will always be a victim of his. After all people can only treat you the way you allow them. And if you have already shown him that you can tolerate being treated this way, he won't stop unless you dump him for good.
If he truly loved you he wouldn't tell you such bullshit. So do not contact him at all.
And remember, you're the best person to advice yourself. So read what you have written over and ask yourself: Does it sound sane to stay in such a rocky relationship?
I bet you deserve better, but the choice is yours.

1 Reply

@Shawn Kemp,

Thanks Shawn!

It's been hard for me because I feel that everything would be just fine if his business didn't go under and we'd be moving ahead with our lives as planned.

I've accepted him being an ass at times because I know how stressed he is. However, in the first comment that Punkey made was about him pushing me away when things get tough which I never though of but I do think he does.

Really I just don't know. It seems superficial to dump him because he has no money and messed up his life. I mean we have all had ups and downs. I get that he's been an ass at times but I just figured this is his way of dealing with things and that in time when he's back on track he would become 'normal' again. He's smoking now and is a completely different person.

But at last I have no choice but to move on....thanks again Smile

0 Replies

@PUNKEY,

Thank you Punkey. I never thought of it like this. I just thought he was stressed and needed space. But you're right he does push people away, actually he starts fights and leaves and avoids issues altogether....

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@PUNKEY,

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@panzade,

Hi again Panzade...yes, you did tell me this already and I agree it should be about me but....ughhh...goodness...I've been trying to fix even though I know I can't fix it, only he can. this is someone I'm in love with and can't imagine life without so I've accepted his bad behavior as him 'acting' out over what has happened. Actually if I think about it I think he blames me in some weird way (not sure why) and is not accepting responsibility, maybe he thinks if he spent less time with me then maybe he would have spent more time with his business...who knows. But yes, I am moving on...I promise no part 3. Thanks again for answering. Smile

1 Reply

@Lash,

Yes, Lash you're right.

I've accepted his bad behavior but I tolerated it because I thought this was his way of dealing with his stress over losing his business and basically being broke with no where to go.

But it seems the general consensus is that this is a disrespectful thing and not a coping mechanism.

0 Replies

@danielle35,

danielle, unlike others who ask for advice here you have the wisdom and courage to accept it.

You seem to be a Fix-It grrl which is wonderful, unless one doesn't know when to put their tools away and move on.
That's why I put the focus on you.

I'm confident you'll find a guy that's deserving of you, and you'll put away your tools...once and for all.

1 Reply

@panzade,

Hi Panzade,

Thank you for thinking I have the courage and wisdom to accept it...really I just think I have no other options but to just move on. Though I'd be lying if I didn't say I wanted him to come back and make things better...however, I know this won't happen (at least for the time being) so I must push forward and grieve and look for the lesson in this.

The one thing I still have trouble with is that I do think he was deserving of me. I just think he had a huge bump in the road and it messed everything up. I thought he was acting the way he was because of all the sh*t that was happening to him and him freaking out.He doesn't have family and basically it's just him in this lovely world. However it seems that if he really cared he wouldn't have been an ahole despite not having money and he would still kept me in his life.

and this fix it girl is tired...tired of this mess.

1 Reply

@danielle35,

Danielle,
Whatever you decide.
Please come back periodically and let us know how it's going.

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Men...I need your advice...part two

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