Is it ok to do business with your ex while in serious new relationship

That is clearly not a good arrangement. It's even worse that she didn't inform you and you discovered at the grand opening. There's an indication that you have trouble communicating about important matters.

Is any of your money involved in the investment? Are you engaged? Is she giving her hubby a job break (poor financial situation unable to keep a job) by hiring him?

If he had been a silent partner..or involved in a minor way it might be a different story. His involvement (always there in the club) seems to be a loaded gun for you and bodes poorly for repetition of distress for you two.

I really don't see why this is that big of deal. He is her ex for a reason. She owns a nightclub and decided for whatever reason to hire someone as a DJ who she at one time had a kid with. Maybe he needed a job and she is lending a helping hand? Maybe he is a really good DJ.

Are you really that insecure about your relationship that it is bothering you this much? She will likely have very little actual contact with him. Yes, it would have been nice for her to give you a heads up about hiring him. But does she tell you about everyone she hires? Probably not. And maybe she knew you would make a mountain out of a molehill, so she just didn't mention it.

This is your issue, not hers. Unless she has given you other reasons for not trusting her, you should let this go.

There 'ya go. Two sides of the same issue. Perhaps you can provide more info?

If it is strictly business and he is good at his job, it makes sense. Why wouldn't you want to hire a DJ that you know is very good and dependable in his work. It makes sense in that she would know if he was a good and reliable DJ. If it is best for her business and he gets a good job, it seems fine.


She may have not told you because she knew you would react as you are now - questioning her. I think to me this is the bigger issue - not telling you.

Is there any reason you wouldn't trust her? Many ex's get along fine and have no desire to rekindle a fire and get together. Unless there is a particular reason you would not trust her, then so what? And if there is a reason not to trust her, what are you doing with her any way?

Oh my gosh - you wrote almost exactly the same thing/thought as I had - read this after I posted.

She hired her ex - her kid's father?

Smart woman, ensuring child support will be made.

good point

Yeah, that is a good point.

I know someone, probably more than one if I had to think about it, that either works or has a business with their ex-spouse.

It can work, or not. Shrugs. Depends on how well are able to realize this is a work relationship.

I really like my husbands ex wife, the mother of his daughter (now in her 30's). I mean, I didn't break them up. They were divorced long before we met. They didn't want to be married. Period. They get along as people.

I'm amazed at the number of people through the years who have expressed shock that we actually like each other.

Drama drama drama

It is because we are both absolutely brilliant, Linkat.

Yeah my brother's wife's ex liked my husband...not really sure how my brother felt about him. But it helps knowing your kid is being influenced by another man you like and respect. My brother is very close to his step daughter.

And to top it off now my brother is also an ex (maybe there is some reason the ex liked him). And his step daughter is closer to my brother than she is to her mother; - so this now a 20 year old young woman is closer to her dad and her step dad and doesn't even really have a relationship with her mom. - if you can follow all this.

Extended family relationships can get complicated

ha ha - I have my moments -- you have many more than me though.

I have to wonder, and I don't understand why nobody brought this up yet...

Why would the ex WANT to work under his former girlfriend and the mother of his child?

Nobody even mentioned him, nor wondered about his motives. He has a vested interest in all of this as well, though. It might be that he needs the money of a steady gig, but I still find this situation a tad... off putting.

Also, both the OP's girlfriend and her ex will in all likelihood be working in the nighttime. Not sure what job the OP has, but if it is a daytime job(likely, given that there is a kid involved, who presumably lives with the mother, and presumably needs an adult to help him/her get ready for school and stuff), she's going to be seeing more of the ex than of the OP.

Personally, I think the OP is entirely right to be suspicious about her being annoyed about his subject matter.

they're in the same industry and obviously were friends before - are likely friends now

just because a romantic relationship ends doesn't mean a friendship ends - and the friendship continuing doesn't mean a romantic interest continues

I think it's a good idea to work with people you like.

For a change, I don't have an opinion. I see both sides of this, fifmack being disturbed, and several posters seeing it as fine. I can get some of Najwillem's points too.

Depends to me on the reality of the exes relationship and if there is interest left.
Me, I'm one who gets along with my ex., for a long time now since the divorce, but not everyone gets past the beginnings.

That is an assumption. I could state that just because a romantic relationship ends, doesn't mean that a friendship remains. Also, a lack of friendship certainly doesn't mean that there won't be any romantic interest.

But fine. My statement above is also an assumption, and it is fair to assume that two rational human beings would not work with each other when they dislike each other, even if they still lust for one another.

It still doesn't explain why she would show attitude towards the OP when he inquires after this. This is the bit that is the most worrying for me. If she reacts poorly to the OP's inquiry after her hiring her ex because he has trust issues or is paranoid, or, as coastal rat puts it, is wont to make a mountain out of a molehill, that is worrying in and of itself... That means the relationship is already strained. And if she reacts poorly after his inquiry just because, she might just be a callous person.

I still don't see any good coming out of this state of affairs, and there's a child involved in this mess as well.