(UPDATE) - How do I tell this to my stepmom?

( Couldnt edit the original post for some reason) EDIT. The last part should be - am I overexaggerating and its all good or what?

It's all really good, but your step mom is walking a fine line. The good news is she knows it and cares enough to walk it carefully and with forethought.

The very last thing your step mom wants is to get in the way of you and your Mom. Your Mom has the really tough job of raising you day to day. In many ways, your stepmom and Dad have the fun job. They get to see you during the off times, have fun with you, etc. Your Mom gets some good times but also all the challenging times. She gets all the teenage angst, all the school meetings, all the doctor visits, all the challenging parts of being a parent. Your stepmom knows this. She wants you to love and appreciate your Mom because if you see your Mom as the tough disciplinarian and your Stepmom as the loving escape route from home, your Mom is going to be upset and if your Mom is upset, she might take that out on you and your Dad. She's also playing it cool with your note, although rest assured she is very happy you sent it. She doesn't want to suddenly change everything because you sent her a note and that's all good. You were happy before so that shouldn't be an issue. That said, if you need someone to talk to (and honestly it sounds like you are looking for something here more than what you have now), you could bring it up with her. Are you having an issue at school or in your life that you want to talk to an adult about? Go ahead and talk to her. She'll probably listen and give you good advice, BUT you should feel like you can talk to your Mom and Dad as well. If you tell her things that you feel like you can't tell your parents, you put her in a tough place. If you talk to your Mom and talk to your Step Mom to get a different perspective, you are on much stronger ground. "Stepmom, I am having this problem. When I told Mom she told me .... What do you think?" Your Stepmom wants to be part of the family team, not on the opposing team to your Mom.

Thanks for replying. Currently I'm in a very bad relationship with my mom and there have been times that feel stone cold around her. When my parents got divorced she's was left alone with me and she took amazing care all the time but that was when I was still in primary school. The past few years for me have been very tough in school , not the grades or performance but I've been so stressed and even afraid of school and stuff and she really helped all year long by talking to my teachers and the head staff at school and I wouldn't have gone through without it. But she always blames me that Im a bad son while my brother is great. Yes I fight a lot with my mom sometimes over the stupidest things and also didnt do everything she asked of me through the toughest years 13-15. But I always was a calm person at school , at home, anywhere. And one thing that puts me down every moment is that when my mom talks behind me with relatives, friends... I'm a very sensitive person and I take everything to heart and even though I've talked to her many times about it and we went together to a psychiatrist and talked to her she still does this ... Literally like just now I was listening to some music in the other room I heard her talk crap about me with my brother and they were laughing their asses off. I haven't talked to her for 1 week and I don't want to. I know she's my Mom and everything but I just can't .. My mom never wanted to do something together in our free time, my stepmom is the opposite and I know that she didn't get to be my parent through the tough and hard parts but now I feel so lonesome when I'm not with my dad and stepmom. I really wanna get closer with my stepmom to that level where I can really talk freely with her. NOTE. Also my mum is kinda cool for some reason spending so much time with my dad and SM , she actually wanted that I would move in with them in the first place so I don't know why would she be upset

You're a sensitive soul dreamline7.

Your Mum has done so much for you throughout your life, took amazing care of you, helped all year long talking to teachers, I assume about other kids in the school and now you are more mature you're feeling that she loves your brother more and needs to talk about you, even have a laugh and so, you feel that means she is cold against you, so you need another Mother figure that won't be, that will hold you and hug you.

The thing is, where does your Mother go to get her out let? Standing by you like that for all of your life clearly shows what your Step-Mother has told you, she loves you.

There is a fine line being a Step-Mother, you may love the idea of having a child/ young Adult but, you also are very aware that there is a Mother to that child in the picture, the last thing we are going to do is cause a riff especially when we also know that really, that Mother has done a lot for that child to show support.

This is about you sweet, learning to like yourself more. Perhaps your Father could have toughened you up a bit more perhaps your Brother is a bit tougher than you, easy for your Mum to talk to and I am sure she needs to laugh as well, I mean, she is Divorced on her own tending to children.

If she suggested that you go live with your Dad, it would be to help you grow further into a young man, in my opinion, a Man does a better job one on one.

You say you start silly fights. Have a deep think, she's been there for you for ever. Maybe she needs a hug from you. Maybe she needs " thanks mum I haven't been the easiest child and thanks for all you've done".

You are searching for love yet you have it from both ladies

Thanks for answering. I it seems that I will be stuck forever in this situation... I want to have a full family with both parents . I think I wouldn't had that many problems if there would have been 2 parents. So my stepmom doesn't want to be a mom because of my mom while my mom wants to get rid of me but if she would be heartbroken that's my fault ... Short story ( the reason I don't talk to my mom) : I came back from my dad's at the end of June also my grandma was with me and she wanted to stay couple of days at my moms place. So once we were back I went upstairs to my room and I was just about to leave but I heard my mom talking some very "nice things" . When I mean talking she was literally roasting me about all the negatives and bad things about me and with every sentence I started to cry more and more. So I pretty much stayed in my room and never came out and also cry out to my dad that I wanna live with him . And also that evening I said my mom that "you're not my mom"
several times and she said like "where are you gonna find a mother".

you are so sensitive and exciting for small things also.she was also treating that you are her own son but looks need some more time for her she completely feel that you as her own son.

How old are you sweet?

You need to toughen up! "Words can't bring me down"... You are your own person and you need to love you and not worry about words.

16 . I don't care what random people or friends say when they try to insult or something, but family ? Naw

You two seem like you have a terrible dynamic going on and both of you are willing to keep it up and make it worse. You heard your Mom venting, so you decided to hurt her as much as you could. She toughed it out and gave it back to you. You might have been better off telling your mother that you heard everything she said to your grandmother, but it's pretty hard to tell a 16 yr old to act like an adult and do adult conflict resolution. My advice for what it is worth is below. I'd listen to some of the other comments on here as well, but remember there are always trolls on the Internet and one of them will eventually make it here.

- Go to your Mom and tell her everything, every evil thing you've done to hurt her, everything you have overheard, why you are staying in your room and not speaking, etc. I doubt there is much downside to this except you should fully expect to hear back from your Mom her side of the story. If your Mom did not know that your "you are not my mother" comments were you striking out because your feelings were hurt, then it looks to her like you just decided to hurt her for no reason. She might have some words for you about that. Just FYI, trying to intentionally hurt someone because you are upset will never, ever make something better.

If you can't do that...
- Go to your Dad and tell him everything including your part in this. This could backfire. If your Dad figures he is going to storm in and correct this situation, your parents might be completely at odds and that is not going to help you. If your Dad is level headed and has a good working relationship with your Mom, then this might work. Don't be surprised if he is a lot more sympathetic to your Mom than you expect. It's a tough role for one parent to referee in a relationship and much harder for a divorced parent.

For yourself, get out and do some things that you enjoy. Ride a bike, throw a football with friends, play miniature golf. Do something, preferably with some friends. It is a lot easier to be pleasant to others if you are in a good mood.

As for your stepmother... She has some idea of what is going on. That is why she put that plug in about your mother loving you. Look to her for support and love, but she really can't solve this problem for you or take over as your mother. She knows that even if you don't. That she loves you is probably the best she can do for you at this point.

Do you really think that you are being insulted? Maybe Mom realises that you are a sensitive person and there is nothing wrong with that. But, in this World, we can't worry about what other people think or say, nor can we stop it. All you have to worry about is what you think of yourself. Do you like yourself? Have plans for your life? That's all that matters sweet.