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Mon 10 Aug, 2015 11:00 pm
This question is so heavy on my mind tonight that I joined this forum just to get some advice.
I am 50 years old, and I have always been attracted to older men. Many older men when they were younger married women because of society's expectations and lack of acceptance of gays, There are very few men I have ever spoken with who were gay and married to a woman that did NOT fool around with men; even those may not have been telling the truth.
So, the dilemma I face is, if I am interested in a particular older man (and by interested, I mean in having a relationship, not just sex) and I know that he deceived his wife during the marriage, how could I ever trust his honesty toward me. I've always heard that if they are lying to their wives to be with you, what else are they lying about.
I met someone recently who was very nice, but he said that during his long marriage, he met men in parks and restrooms for sex, and he had no conviction about it at all. If he could "cheat" on his wife, then couldn't he as easily cheat on me?
Is it unrealistic to think that an older man who grew up in a different time, and married out of necessity, should never have had sexual experiences with men, even though his marriage was a way to hide his true identity?
Are you a male or female? (I can't tell) How old is this "older man"?
Maybe this "older man" has experimented in sexual acts with both men and women and now wants to settle down with one or the other. Do you think he has chosen you, now?
He needs to share with you WHY he sneaked around during his marriage and what he learned through all of it.
@overanalyzer,
Think the unrealistic part is this guy's gay by the sound of it. Or, conceivably, enjoys the sorts of sex acts guys do together but his wife didn't. Hence his cheating. Assuming he isn't gay that he'd want a relationship with you, if you go into things eyes open and don't berudge his playing with others that'd be the best. But we should never assume to be the everything our SOs will ever want. Monogamy isn't natural and is an artifical construct created by Christianity which itself is a very sex-negative religion. Nothing's screwed up cultures more than having Christianity forced upon them as with pre-missionary Hawaii. Great society until missionaries showed up.
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