My affair

Forums: Relationships, Marriage, Cheating, Affair
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Hello,

I am new to this group and for those who read and or reply back I thank you ahead of time.

Let me start off by saying I am married with two lovely adorable kids which of course are my world and will always be and are my first proprieties and always be.

To my experince I was having an affair for about a year and half with a woman that I thought was my soul mate, my best friend and yes my lover. She being also married with a child of course made our situation very difficult and it took a toll on us not to be with each other. We discussed everything under the sun and we did see things in different perspectives but would always come to a comprise (OF COURSE). We shared a special bond texting talking on the phone etc. About a week ago she asked for this "SPACE" yes she asked for SPACE a couple of weeks back which I am giving and to which i do still receive a text to see how i am and see how things are etc. I have not made contact with her as being 38 and i think its the mature thing to give her the space she requires. I am not stupid man, I can get it she is trying to distance herself from me either 1) she found a new affair partner or 2) she is working on her marriage. My marriage you might be asking? well it has always been filled with anger for some reason her being very selfish in her own needs which she is totally clueless in seeing, the sex? if an when it does happen i get are you done yet? really? does that sound like a marriage, she being always hostel and wanting to put her point across yelling rather than talking. Yep, no excuse for cheating of course I know. The reason I am posting would be why space that something was good? Yes i know the relationship was not realistic but i wanted it to go that way and some small way she would let me know she wanted the same. Do i still love this woman? yes completely totally with all my breath, mind , body and soul.
During and up the day she asked for space I felt something with her little distant with me so i asked her what is wrong or on your mind? wanna talk about it? She said she had a discussion with her mother at some point those last couple of days and she also mentioned that she doesn't get support from her when she needs it. So now today almost a month later bang in the head maybe she mentioned me to her mom and needed advice and she didn't expect the response she got which i would say in few words " Forget about him". Again this is a guess that's all and assumption in sorts, anyway maybe there is no real question maybe just venting. Maybe I just want closure i thought i would get that sooner than later but still nothing. So getting back to the space comment, after i received the text YA TEXTED me that, I said "I will say bye now" and she said it doesn't mean bye. WTF that mean? Any women can help with this pls lol

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@amaninlimbo,

If you loved her with all of your body and soul, etc., you'd end your marriage.

Is she working on her marriage? Possibly. What did she mean by the last thing she texted? We have no idea; you know her better than we do.

In the meantime, you are teaching your children that love doesn't matter and that it's okay to stick around when you're treated like crap. Not such nice lessons, eh? Your kids know there is something going on. Only the extremely young (infants) or challenged or oblivious don't. Operate under the assumption that they know or can guess or at least realize there is something happening that is out of kilter.

Want to do right by your children? Then either work on your marriage (suggest counseling to your wife and, if she won't go, then go alone and at least get tools to cope with staying, or with leaving) or get outta Dodge. Affair limbo is terrible for everyone, and your children, once they really put it all together, aren't going to want to hear about your sex life with your wife. They'll be hurt and angry and will feel betrayed.

Do this regardless of whatever is going on with your affair partner. She is not part of this equation. Stay and make a go of it, or leave. This in-between bullshit is for the birds.

1 Reply

@amaninlimbo,

Jespah is right as usual.

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@jespah,

Thank you for your reply, what I mean by her last text it was I need space. With no explanation do I not deserve one? Maybe not under the circumstances, We meaning my wife and I are going to counseling and I am trying but it always goes back to square one.

You are right my children are first and it has been selfish of me to think otherwise. I need to do something about this marriage if it is not working which at this point it is not I need to protect my children from this type of environment.

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@amaninlimbo,

You don't owe your affair partner an explanation. Don't get bogged down in that. Work on what you need to work on for your family, and not for what might or might not (it's a lot more likely that it won't) happen down the line. Go and don't mire yourself down with explanations.

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@jespah,

Thank you jespah i really appropriate your time and responses.

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@amaninlimbo,

This is sucks, right?
As a woman in the same boat I can tell you that if I felt that he is working on relationships and his life with his wife going somewhere I would ask for space. However I would love to know that he is ok. I don't know if I would text. Probably. As a friend because you can't just forget what you felt (or still feeling)just because his life is changing for better. If he wouldn't respond I would be ok with that thinking that his life is going somewhere.
But you are responding. She is also in a limbo. If she wasn't and was completely 'spaced out' of your life she wouldn't bother you.
It is very hard for all involved and if I was you I would text back and ask how is she doing in 'space'? Because she is obviously having no idea what she wants at this point or she knows and can't make you do what she wants. Have you ever talked 9being soul mates) about possibility of divorce and re-marriage? Do you know each other well enough that you would be sure that when together forever - this is what you wanted?
I said once that I am desperately in love but changing everything is not what I am sure will work. I am difficult to live with and I have my doubts he will be happy with my 'wife' skills. It is long, painful, exhausting process. And I am wishing you best of luck at the end of it.

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@Eliusa,

Thank you for response Eliusa, I can imagine she is wanting to work on her marriage for her and there child. You put she is contacting me from a friend perspective but I cannot be a friend to a woman i feel and deeply in love with right now at this point in my life. I did text her back a couple of hrs of receiving the text wishing her and her family all the best and hope they are doing well. We did talk about how we are perfect for each other, seems strange how we always know what the other is feeling or thinking. Anyway again we did talk about getting a divorce, again please keep in mind all of our relationship issues with our partners was happening before we met. We always mentioned to each other we were meant to be with each other and married the wrong people. I know in my mind this woman belongs with me, but again if I must let her go for her to see if she can figure out her marriage then it be. I really just want her to be happy forever.

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@amaninlimbo,

Dear, you re-telling my story and I am feeling deeply about what you are going trough.
I am literally in a same boat with you except our kids are grown up.
I am saying that IF I knew he is working on his marriage I would be devastated but I would have no moral rights to budge in.
However I would care deeply about how is he doing. So I would try to find out and maybe occasionally ask. I would feel so bad thought to budge in and ruin what gets repaired...
No one saying it is easy. I am ruined. We are so in love but it is absolutely far fetched happiness but we had decided to take one day at the time and see.
So far it had been hell when we are apart and heaven when are together. And there is 90% of the hell. And I wish you to be strong. And I wish you luck and be happily married because I know just to well how you feel and I am feeling your pain. Hang in there...

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@Eliusa,

I am not keeping hope in my heart with her (my love) i cannot I just hope she is happy with her husband and can find what she so deserves I am totally all in for that. This love of mine will always have a piece of my heart as within the year and half we have been together was total bliss. I need to concentrate on my kids and how I will have them adjust to the possibility of me and my wife separating.

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All these postings about an affair had remind me how damn lucky I am to be married to my wife and that I need to tell her that more often.

I will also stated that no matter what having an affair when there are minor children on both sides of the affair is @##$%#@.

Far too must thinking center on this gentleman idea of happiness for himself and zero on the welfare of two families containing children.

1 Reply

@BillRM,

BillR,

I am sorry you feel that way and of course the children are the most important aspect of this TOTALLY. But if you have never been in a situation like this you cannot point fingers at anyone & consider yourself lucky.

We are adults and we know its morally wrong totally and utterly no need to point it out.

Also have you not been brought up in away if you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all?

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@amaninlimbo,

Quote:

We are adults and we know its morally wrong totally and utterly no need to point it out.

You do know it is morally wrong strange as I did not get that impression from your postings!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote:

Also have you not been brought up in away if you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all?

So you think that your sharing your moral failings and reckless conducts had placed anyone under an obligation not to tell the truth concerning a man who only concerns seems to be his short term happiness and damn the harm it does to anyone else including children, two of whom he have a direct obligation to?

1 Reply

@amaninlimbo,

Nevermind them, dear.
These people have no idea what they are talking about and all their posts from now on will bash you as a cheater and morally low individual.
I had asked them same question 100 times.
Same as you just did
'But if you have never been in a situation like this you cannot point fingers at anyone & consider yourself lucky.'
except I am considering myself lucky because I am in love and it is a bliss all over again. So far no one got hurt except both of us being not together.

Be ready to get nasty posts. You can send me pm if you want. I can't help but I will listen.

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@BillRM,

If you are happy with your life and want to stay in a positive state of mind why would you be on these forums?

Maybe you hiding something internal.

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@amaninlimbo,

LOL, I've asked that too. They don't know. I had never got an answer I can buy.

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@amaninlimbo,

amaninlimbo wrote:

I need to do something about this marriage

That is absolutely Job 1. Decide what you want to do about your marriage. Get that sorted out - whether you stay together or not.

Once you know if you are in your marriage or out, you can figure out your ongoing relationship with your children.

After that, if you are free, spend some time on your own. Get to know yourself - and then decide if you will be looking for a new life partner.

Best of luck with your future.

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@amaninlimbo,

Yes indeed I am hiding that I am a moral low life such as yourself not.

I am however grateful to such men as you are as my wife first husband was the same kind of fool as you and cheated on her and in her divorcing the fool.

Resulting in my ending up with one hell of a woman who to this day I can not believe anyone would be so stupid as to cheated on.

PS my best friend and lover is my now wife and she been my best friend and lover since shortly after I first met her in 1985.

1 Reply

@BillRM,

I believe that question was about why are all these happy-peppy married people are wasting their lives here in forum? Instead of taking their loved and loving spouses to dinner or breakfast (you are retired, aren't you?)
So WHY here sorting our dirty laundry.
Seems like you are enjoying our affairs more than we do.
Maybe because you are secretly wish you could do it? Just a suggestion - not intent to hurt. Simple curiosity.

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@Eliusa,

Sorry however beside the moral factors of harming children and lying to your partner life would get far too complex in trying to carry on an affair behind my partner back.

Nor have I had one second desire to cheated on my wife and can not picture myself stating that someone beside her happen to be my best friend.

Bet that if the cheaters here would put one percent of the efforts in maintaining and improving their relationships with their wives or husbands that they do to have secret lovers they would be far happier.

1 Reply

My affair

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