I'm lost in a world of sadness, not sure where to go from here.

Hi, I won't give out names of who I talk about, or mine name, For obvious reason.

I am 17 turning 18 this year.

My home town was hit by a flood back in 2008, My parents divorced a few years before the flood, My father took custody of me. I visited my mother every summer break to get stress off my dads back, while he worked. Well, my mother had a drinking problem at the time. So, I would always take care of my brothers and watch them, It got so bad, that she forced us to go to the beach, she was to drunk to drive, so she asked me to drive. Now, I was at the age 10 or 12 I can't remember, sorry. Luckily we get home safe and sound, but soon as we got home, I hear some noises and don't know what it is, I go down to the basement, and my mother is sitting there, trying to break into the cabinet to get to the alcohol. I couldn't stand it, so, I told my brothers we're leaving and going to grandmas. So, pretty much that was the last time I went to my mothers.

( Now, this little passage is not about my mother. )

Alright, so before the flood, I couldn't of asked for a better life than I had at the time, I had the love of my life, I was active, couldn't stand being in the house for more than 2 hours. I was a kid that rode his bike everywhere with his "neighborhood gang".

Then, 2008 came around, I didn't know how to swim at the time, and me and a few friends got word that a flood was coming, so we ride down by the river, and noticed the water is already over the bank, and on the road. I got scared at that point. Went home, called my moms sister, ( my aunt ) and asked her to come get me. She did, my father was at work at the time, he didn't think it was going to flood. Well he got a bit scared because he noticed the water was rising. He then called me and said, he's on his way, the water is rising to much he's forced to leave. He couldn't get much of anything, besides import papers and such. So, my dad comes to my aunts house. We had absolutely no where to go, besides my uncles house. So, we move up there, we stayed there around 2 1/2 years. In between those 2 1/2 years, I gained a bunch of weight. I also got a call from my girl friend that I was dating for 2 years and she told me she hasn't seen me in forever and basically said she's found someone new.

So, by the time my dad and I move back to our home town, and same house, we had to repair the house, but we had no money to do it, so my dad the only income of the house hold, had to repair it on the go. ( to this day, it's got no carpet or paint on the walls and hardly looks like a "home" - 2014 )

While I was in 8th grade, I was really depressed because the school I went to, was the school, my Ex- Girlfriend went to, the one I dated in 8th grade. Not only that, but almost everyone knew who I was, and noticed I gained a bunch of weight. I ended up felling suicidal and asked my aunt to take me to the hospital. I didn't tell my dad, but my aunt being a nice person did, and told my dad that she wanted to take me to get the help I needed, my dad was very frustrated with me, because that day I skipped school. I get in this special program the hospital has, called "3East". They kept me for about a week and a half. They had connections to a personal counselor I had and he and the doctor who was working with me traded information. I then got a call from my mother, and we only talked for a few minutes, but in between those few minutes, she told me why I more and likely have depression. She was diagnosed with Post dramatic stress, and said she was really depressive, that's why she takes so much meds, (prescribed) and drinks a lot, she also said it went through her side of the family. So, I knew it must've gotten it from her. So, when I get out of "3East" I was prescribed some medical needs, after about 8 months, I didn't feel a change of the meds, and wasn't depressed, so, I told my dad to just get me off of the meds because they're not doing much to me, or I'm not feeling a change they're suppose to do.

--This is where I came here to get some help--

Alright, so, back around in I want to say 2007 I was just minding my own business, and rolling around with my friend, until I seen his sister, with this amazing eye appealing girl. I remember my exact words, or to an extent, and even the moment, it's like a still image in my head. I could draw it oven and oven, eyes closed. Ever since I seen her, I had that "spark" in my mind.

We're going to time machine to 2013, high school year for me. ( Sophomore Year for me )

Ok, so, the girl I seen, back in 2006, we started talking, and such, and I felt like wow, this is actually happening. ( to protect her at the most, I'm not going to say what she did at the time to have an effect on me. )
She was getting in trouble kind of skipping school, and her dad told her he's taking her phone, and she had no contact with me, and I was like well, I'll let you us my iPod school day came around, I gave her my iPod, and such. ( there is an App on the iOS devices that allow you to text. ) Through out the whole entire day, I never got a text from her, until I blew her up if you will, she seemed very shady, because she sent me a wrong text. ( it said personal stuff i'm not going to say on here )At the time, I knew she was giving he the middle finger. School ends, and I see her on the bus, I go, look, if you're going to talk to me, you can use my iPod if you're not going to give it to me. That day, was the last day until spring break.. Yea, So, I go home, and text her no response get on facebook, send a few messages, she starts freaking out pretty much. I'm like okay, look meet me somewhere I just want my iPod back. ( I had an phone at the time so I didn't relay care about it, but wanted my property back. ) She then blocks me on facebook.

A few days go by, and she text me saying "hi" i'm, like okay this is getting outta hand. We started talking and such. and then spring break get's over, school starts back up, she never shows up for school, she fled from home and her dad told the cops. So, she was wanted. By her dad, and cops. Then, she get's caught by the cops, and taken to her dads house. Her dad had her immediately sent to the hospital and then locked up for the whole summer. She then has her phone.. and texts me. At this time, I didn't care about my iPod I cared about her, ( She's done things that shouldn't have been done ). She was threatening about running from the hospital I'm like no, you can't you gotta get the help you need. At this time, I was just letting time beat me because I know she's going to get her phone taken away some time soon. So, she get's the last text to me and says cops are taking my phone, gtg. That was the last text message I had with her, until about 3- 3 1/2 months. She also unblocked me on facebook, while she had her phone.

--Sorry for my English, or writing skills.--
Time warp to current era/second/breath.

I'm trying to keep our identity 100% protected here, so I'm keeping personal stuff out.

So, now, here's the catch, the passed few days, I get to talk to her, and I noticed she's matured up, isn't doing things she shouldn't be doing.
Her and I have been talking for a good while now. But, I just found out she's not single. And, that's like hitting a brick wall, Before finding out, I was kind of flirting with her. I am not one of those guy's that hits on a girl, that's taken. So, I ask her if it's alright if we can still talk and such, it was cool with her. I kind of bring up the passed, and tell her how much I actually like, and what I was planning.

She also thanked me for helping her out when she was doing stuff she shouldn't of been doing, and also told me, I did keep her from running from the Hospital.

Which, to me, it was on my list to change someones life, to me, changing her life from the bads to the goods, makes me feel amazing deep down.
But now it seems weird for me to talk to her because she's taken, I really don't know how to approach this.

As for myself, I've been trying to lose weight, to show exactly how much I like her.

She's like a shooting star, and my only wish. I pray to god, that I will get to hold her hand.




TLDR: - I'm 17 turning 18 this year, went through a flood, back in 2008 lost a good relationship, gained a lot of weight after the flood happened. Seen a star shocking, eye appealing beautiful girl, in 2006, now feel tunnel visioned on her, and can't stop. Went through hell and back for her, and willing to do it again, if that's what it takes.


-- This took me a good Hour and Half, I don't have time to spell / grammar check it. Take it as a grain of salt.


Thanks!