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Mon 14 Dec, 2009 03:07 am
He says, "Just to let you know, I do care. But seriously, I don't know what I want. I just know what I need to do." He says that when it comes to a girl, they make the choice, not him. He said that he doesn't call me because he's use to what he usually do. His daily routine. He doesn't think of girls all the time. Then it was "Good night, I gotta go to bed now."
We're not together. Maybe just talking., I am attracted to him, and he tells me he's attracted to me. When we see each other, he shows interest in me. We spend time together.. When he's hugging me he tells me that he's feeling really comfortable, and he's really enjoying it. We spend the whole entire day and night just making fun of each other, and laugh.
He told me he was interested in my the first time we met. He liked my attitude. Then after getting to know me better, my personality attracted him.
Next thing you know, he totally acts like he doesn't care. What is going through his mind? What is he thinking? Is he playing games with me?
I honestly don't think he's a bad guy. He's known to be a softy. Great uncle, and family loves him.
Is there something that I'm just not getting?
@No care,
It sounds like he's being pretty straightforward with you. I think everything he's saying could be (and probably is, but I don't know) completely accurate.
So then it's up to you to decide whether you want to roll with it and see what happens, or if it's just too much flakiness and uncertainty for you.
How old is he?
@No care,
Maybe he figured out that he started to have feelings for you and he doesn't want to get into a relationship.
Or he could just act and lied you to make you feel great with him and now he just turn his back.
You never know what a guy can think...
@sozobe,
He's turning 26 in a week.
Straightforward? Some factors tells me that he's interested and other times I feel like he isn't.
I don't feel like he's cares, but sometimes he makes me feel like he does. I remember telling him once that I was interested in him because normally I can easily read a guy's thought. But him, he's hard to read. Right when I said that he asked me right way, "So this is a game to you?" I mean, if he doesn't like me why would that even offend him? & that's not the only reason why I like him. I enjoy his company and I love talking to him. I feel like he's a caring person with a very deep sense of thought.
But the way he acts sometimes.. so careless. He doesn't ever call me, but if he knows I'm somewhere then he'll stop by no matter the time just to hang out with me and a couple friends. Every time he see's me, the way he look at me and that smile of his face. It's so hard to tell what he's trying to do to me.
@No care,
Well, I don't think it's always so binary -- he "cares," or he doesn't. It sounds like he thinks well of you but isn't sure if he wants a relationship. He's trying to figure that out.
Really, what you quote from him seems to cover all the important stuff. He likes you, he's just not sure how much yet, and is not sure where he is in life -- if he wants to be in a committed relationship with anyone at all.
Are you willing to stick around while he figures things out, or not? If not, tell him and see what happens (but be ready for the possibility that his answer will be "OK, bye.")
@sozobe,
I do believe that his answer will be, "okay, bye."
I am willing to stick around, but I want to know if this is a rejection. He's truly hard to understand; one moment he's hot, the next he's cold.
@No care,
Then, if that bothers you, I think I'd recommend risking the "OK, bye."
He sounds pretty passive and I could easily imagine, from what you've said so far, you sticking around and hoping for more for a looooong time and then at the end of it, when it's clear you won't get the kind of commitment you want, being angry about the time wasted.
On the other hand, if you lay things out, maybe he'll get over his passivity. Who knows.
@sozobe,
It's not the wasting time that I'm worried about.
I Just don't wanna look like a fool sticking around if that's not what he wants.
Love DOES take energy and effort.
So if he is not willing to make the effort, you need to decide if this is good enough for you.
As the relationship progresses, this indifference and passive behavior could be a real problem. Low libido, etc.
On the other hand, he may want YOU to be the aggressor right now.
Is he "awake" in other areas of his life, or just not with this relationship? Is he just coming off from another relationship? In good health?
@No care,
Who are you worried would think you were being a fool?
If him, you can say something like that, a little more open-ended; "I don't need a final answer about whether you want to be in a committed relationship right now, but I'd like to know if there's even a chance. I'm interested, but I don't want to be a fool waiting around for something that won't happen."
If it's other people you're worried about, it's none of their business.
@sullyfish6,
okay. i just to let you know i care. but, seriously i don't know what i want. but, i know what i need to do. but, it's like i said when it comes to a girl it's most choices are up to them alot of the time. not me.
but, a lot of the times. i say i don't know because i don't really decide things until i have to at that moment
but, when i don't call, it is not out of disrespect. its because i am use to what i usually do. just routine. i don't think about girls all the time
** That's what he wrote to me.. what do you think?
He' 26 and doesn't think about girls all the time? H-m-m
He's either playing a game with you or has a very low social/sexual drive.
You just need to know that he's giving you warning that he's just not much into women.
@sozobe,
I will take that advice. Maybe give it a little bit more time before I bring it up again.
thank you for those detailed messages
@sullyfish6,
So you think he's just not interested?
@No care,
Well, I can't really get a sense of whether he's narcissistic, or just socially inept.
Not that those are mutually exclusive.
You do need to pay attention to how he's treating you
now. If you go along with this, and expect him to start treating you differently, you're probably going to be disappointed.
@sullyfish6,
sullyfish6 wrote:
You just need to know that he's giving you warning that he's just not much into women.
I got this feeling from your posts as well. If you are sending out interesting vibes, I've got to think that a 26 yr old guy would be all over that. If he isn't, then he isn't into you as much as you would like for whatever reason. Sorry.
@engineer,
I don't think that's necessarily true at all. I've had plenty of friends in that age range who have talked to me about their relationships and it could easily be about uncertainty about how interested he is in that
specific person. I think when he says he's doesn't think about girls all the time it means like thinking about how to further a relationship with them, what he should do next, whether he should do something -- it's in the context of why he didn't call.
It sounds to me like he is someone who hasn't really had to work to get girls, they're around and he just reacts and inertia has worked out fine for him so far.
@sozobe,
I think this guy either isn't into girls or isn't into this girl, but for her, either way is a warning that it is time to move on. If he's unhappy with that result, he will let her know, but her feeling is that he'll let her walk. Doesn't look all that good from here.
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