Dumped for the deceased wife's best friend.

I had two fiances die before I was 25 so I'm not a stranger to the grieving process. I never did get married. I'm now 48 and started talking online with someone the same age. He said he was married so I didn't want to hook up but we were both depressed alot and commiserated. He also told me she was ill but I've heard that before. So anyways, just recently she died after a long struggle with an illness. After much thought, I decided to meet up with him and ended up really liking the guy. I suppose I didn't understand alot of his talking with me while she was still alive but I do get the need for companionship. Maybe it was just lust and I figured when and if we did eventually meet, I wouldn't like him. He's been about the sweetest man I've dated in a long time. We don't actually date because it's still too early after her death and he has kids. Here's the problem. The other day he was sending out thank you's to people and found a letter from his wife's best friend. He was taken and called her over to help address and respond to the condolense thank you's. That day he called me and told me that he thinks he will end up with her and has feelings for her. Of course you can imagine what my response was. I totally understand the bonding. Her husband died a few years back as well so she's also probably real good to talk to. My friend, who I really had hopes for down the road to finally be with someone after all the tragedy in my life, well, just let me go. He says he enjoys hearing stories about her, he knew her husband so they can talk about that. I've given into the realization that its no longer my business other than the severe heartache I am going through. I thought it was finally my time to be with someone like that again. I do know that when my first fiance died, after a little and having spent a whole lot of time with *his* best friend and finally dating....it didn't last further than that. I felt so guilty. I wish him the best, my new, ex friend. Does anyone have any ideas about how I can get over my grief now? Do you think it's healthy for that to happen? I suppose they did do a TV show on the whole scenario but this is not 1970 and I don't wanna go ask Alice. Tears in PA.