my wife has signs of depression I think

Tags: Relationships, Marriage
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Read Discussion
Reply to All

Hi my wife and I have been together for 18 years and married for 14. We have a thirteen year old and a 9 year old. She has moved out of home and will not make contact with me. She has been gone for 5 days now. This will be the longest we have been apart since we were married. She is living with friends. She has lost a lot of weight over the past month and has a history of bulimia but this was before we were together. I believe she is going through this again. She is almost 40. I want to help her but dont know what to do. She also had post natal depression and was hospitalised for it. She was on medication for it but stopped a good 8 years ago because she said her libedo went right down. Most of our house burnt down just over 12 months ago, I dont know if this is part of the problem or not. I am getting blamed for not putting her 1st and not consulting her on issues which is true now that I look at it. I am self employed and have been over working. I have never hit my wife and we hardly ever fight. I dont know what to do just trying to be there for my kids and keep life going as normal as possible. I love my wife very much and miss her deeply but I have beeen told to sit back and wait. Is this right? I will do whatever it takes. Its just hurting at the moment.

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link/Embed

Type: Discussion • Score: 3 • Views: 350 • Replies: 10

@shan33,

This is a tough situation. If everything is as you say...I would send her this post, written by hand. It is eloquent and sincere.You must be there for the kids of course, and try to give them a semblance of normality.

Remember that she is suffering and she might be avoiding contact because she feels guilty about her inability to overcome her maladies.

Depression is foremost a lack of hope. Hope for the future, hope for a better tomorrow. It is a devastating disease. Be there for her.

0 Replies

Get the house built back up - THEN work on getting her back. She may just be overwhelmed with the fire and an over-working, distracted, insensitive man.

PS ---if your claim to fame is that you did NOT ever hit her, then you are in deeper trouble than you think.

1 Reply

@sullyfish6,

Sullyfish6
The house is built back up. Hurt in the hip pocket. As far as being insensitive thats harsh. She is my life. would do anything for her. also.. my 'Claim to fame' of not ever hitting her I think is important because in this day and age a lot of men treat women like crap and abuse them behind closed doors. As soon as a wife leaves someone this is usually the first thing people think of. I dont understand how I am in deeper trouble than I think.

0 Replies

@shan33,

Your wife is not a child but she is a mother and if she had checked herself into a hospital or rehab center to get any help she needs is one thing. But to leave your family because things got tough is selfish. Also she can't always be first the important thing is being first when it counts. But you have to do what is best for your kids and put them first, cause she is clearly putting herself 1st enough for everyone invovled.

0 Replies

sounds like she hs been overwhelmed w/life. If I had a fire burning down my house I would also. Can you rebuild? Tell God you have had enough and need his guidance/help. Moving in w/ friends does not sound permanent. Patience is our most rewarded virtue. I feel pain for what you are experiencing. Depression does produce a lack of interest in things you previously had interest in.

1 Reply

@Philis,

thanks for your reply. House is rebuilt. We lost everything in the house but not enough damage to knock it down. Everything she owned was smoke or water damaged. The more i think about it myself and the kids coped with it better than her. She showed not much emotion. Hopefully she goes to church on sunday and asks for some help.

1 Reply

@shan33,

Shan, I admire your devotion. Is this the first time in her life she has lost posessions. Because if it is that is a situation I learned very early in my life. Posessions lost is seldom a reason to be so depressed, unless this is new to her.

1 Reply

@Philis,

Philis, She was an only child from a broken home. Everything we have got we worked hard for. Both of us work full time. This would be the 1st time she has lost posessions. we did tell each other though that it could be worse. Could of been a family member and posessions can be replaced. Well most of them if the insurance company doesn't screw you over. I have been told not to chase her or it will just drive her away. Sit back and wait. Doesn't help when her mum got rushed to hospital today with renal failure and I cant be there with her. Not much fun.

1 Reply

@shan33,

I hear you shan33, patience can often be rewarded beyond what you can consider. Sorry to hear about her mother and you can't be there to support and give comfort. I was just seperated from my hubby for 1 year and really truly thought divorce was inevitable but behold we got back together exactly 1 yr later.

1 Reply

@Philis,

Philis Thank you. Still hurts though. Dont think I could wait a year. Hurts too much. I will wait though. Hit rock bottom yesterday after dropping kids off to sport. Went through the pros and cons for why I shouldn't driving my ute into a pole at high speed. My kids are the reason why I chose not to. Could of given her a nice life insurance polocy but my kids would have no dad. That was just dumb. All good now or as good as it is going to get at the moment. Thanks again.

0 Replies

Read Discussion
Reply to All

my wife has signs of depression I think

Related Topics