1
   

A joke:a thousand lawyers chained together at the bottom of

 
 
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 10:40 am
Joe, What do you call a thousand lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

It's from the novie Philadelphia.

Can you explain this joke for me? I have got no clue Shocked
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 3,551 • Replies: 25
No top replies

 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 10:45 am
In both England and the United States, jokes about lawyers and complaints about lawyers are so common as to be legendary. So, in the play Henry VI by William Shakespeare, which was first performed more than 400 years ago, one of the characters says: The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

So jokes about lawyers almost always have to do with either how dishonest and greedy they are, or ways to get rid of them.

So the joke you have quoted suggests that chaining a thousand lawyers together at the bottom of the ocean (which would, of course, kill them) is a good start on improving society.

English-speakers always "get" lawyer jokes right away, because they always understand that any lawyer joke intends to insult lawyers.
0 Replies
 
bluestblue
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 11:01 am
And is it also a pun because what they defeat on court is a lawyers' firm crowded with a lot of lawyers?
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 11:05 am
I can't really say, because i have not seen that motion picture. However, that joke and variations of it, have been in circulation for many, many years.
0 Replies
 
bigdice67
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 11:07 am
Like the other oldie:
Why won't a shark bite a lawyer?

Out of professional courtesy.

Meaning that lawyers are like sharks, just out there to eat you... more or less!

keep'em coming!
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 11:13 am
A young man in Mexico, from an old and respected family of lawyers, is sent off to the University, and then is sent to Seville in Spain to study the law--no expense is spared to give him the best education possible. He returns home, and takes a position in the family law firm.

His first case troubles him, however. He goes to his father for advice.

Father, you know Juan and Diego, who live in the hills behind the town.

Yes, son?

They have come to me, each one separately, seeking advice on the matter of their cow. Juan says that the cow is his, because he bought her as a heifer, and he has milked her ever since she was first bred. Diego says that the cow is his, because he agreed that Juan could graze the heifer on his land, and that the cow has grazed on his land all of her life--and he says that Juan knows this, because he always gives him half the milk. Father . . . I am troubled, who should own the cow?

Son . . . don't be foolish . . . we will own the cow.
0 Replies
 
bluestblue
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 11:14 am
Quote:
...
keep'em coming!


So I'll keep on clicking Very Happy

Happy New Year, Setanta & bigdice67 !!
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 11:15 am
Happy New Year to you, too, Bluestblue . . . it is good to see you back here . . .
0 Replies
 
Intrepid
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 11:18 am
It was so cold here today that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
0 Replies
 
bluestblue
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 11:21 am
Intrepid wrote:
It was so cold here today that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.


LOL! I'm so happy because I think I know its meaning! Very Happy
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 11:57 am
Bluestblue--

You're starting to laugh in English!

Happy New Year.
0 Replies
 
bluestblue
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 12:01 pm
Happy New Year, Noddy24!! Very Happy
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 12:27 pm
An Observation by Sandra Day O'Connor (retired Supreme Court Justice):

"There is no shortage of lawyers in Washington, DC. In fact, there may be more lawyers than people."

The Hundred-Dollar Bill:

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?

The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

A Reasonable Fee:

A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?"
The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars."
"A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?"
"It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"

Ambulance Chaser:
Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident?
An ambulance stopped suddenly. (Nickname in US is ambulance chaser)

Questions About Lawyers
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet. (Skeet are the 'clay pigeons' recreational marksman use in practice shooting.)

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70?
A: Your honor.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton

Q: If you have a bad lawyer, why not get a new one?
A: Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.

Q: What's the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that's known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that's a shame.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

Two Kinds of Lawyers:
There are two kinds of lawyers: those who know the law and those who know the judge.

Bad Reputation:
Isn't it a shame how 99% of the lawyers give the whole profession a bad name.

People Drowning:
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 12:37 pm
Quote:
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
0 Replies
 
bluestblue
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 01:03 pm
Quote:
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.


Are they that bad!! Mad

Twisted Evil Evil or Very Mad Twisted Evil
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 01:16 pm
Quote:
Are they that bad!!



Not THAT bad...........................but almost!!! :wink:
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 01:23 pm
Also, it's sort of a US personality pattern to use sarcasm and jokes to make fun wherever it can. Respect for professions is a very elastic sort of trait here.
0 Replies
 
Ticomaya
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 01:30 pm
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.


Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.


Q: What do you get when you cross a rat with a snake?
A: A lawyer with morals.


Q: Why did the lawyer cross the road?
A: To get to the car accident on the other side.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 01:32 pm
HAhaha Tico! Good one!

"This is supposedly a TRUE news story. I have my doubts, but you decide....

A lawyer in Charlotte, NC purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim with the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
But... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine."
0 Replies
 
Ticomaya
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2007 01:36 pm
It's not true, Ragman.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

Drs. = female doctor? - Question by oristarA
Let pupils abandon spelling rules, says academic - Discussion by Robert Gentel
Question - Question by 1jane1
Who Versus Whom - Question by mboog
Grammatically correct? - Question by Advocate
Active or Passive Voice - Question by StuffedCheese
that or which - Question by luxechick
When to use contracted form 'to be' - Question by KvdPeijl
in (the) land mass - Question by WBYeats
 
  1. Forums
  2. » A joke:a thousand lawyers chained together at the bottom of
Copyright © 2014 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.05 seconds on 04/24/2014 at 03:45:45