TV Guide Blurb Writers Anonymous

All in the Family

Archie rails against minorities of all types. Edith gets him a beer, while Mike and Gloria argue.

Happy Days

The Fonz says "Ay!" and wears a leather jacket.

The X Files

Mulder and Scully discuss aliens and dance around their mutual attraction.

ER

An operation is conducted.

PS I think I may become addicted to this. Somebody help me!

NYPD Blue:
Sipowitz anguishes over his family situation, contemplates whiskey; Detectives butt heads with other departments while investigating murder. Suspect waives lawyer and confesses.

Law & Order- Perp is arrested and convicted. Adam Schiff has the last word.

C.S.I. (Las Vegas) Staff runs around searching for clues to crime. Grissom sits in his office, and figures the whole thing out himself.

Animal Shows- (any) Animals are born, mate and raise young. Males fight over females. They eat other animals on a lower level of the food chain, and are eaten themselves by higher animals.

Weather Channel- Nubile young woman or handsome young man attempts to predict weather using sophisticated technology. The tech in the back room uses a more useful method...........a dartboard.

Home Shopping Network- Sales people attempt to create a market for overpriced chachcas.

The Joy of Painting- Bob Ross recreates practically the same painting every week....all with a two inch brush. Highlight of show is when Bob cleans the brush by banging it against the legs of the easel, thereby showering the technicians in the studio with turpentine.

Six Feet Under

Everyone dies or is it all a dream?

The Nanny
Fran is about to catch Mr. Sheffield

The Fugitive
Lt. Gerard is about to catch Dr. Kimble

Monday Night Football:

(Men: Who's playing? Who cares? You're watching. Women: Who's playing? Who cares? You're not watching.)

Seinfeld:

More about nothing.

(I suppose I'd be fired from this job if these actually got published...)

CSI. investigators continue using flashlights instead of turning on the regular lights.

Southpark

Kenny dies.

The Sopranos Final Episode

Tony puts out contracts on everyone during one of his panic attacks and inadvertantly includes himself. Everyone dies. (Italian opera!)

The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Mary has a bad date, and then later throws a terrible party. Murray is supportive but also injects a number of wisecracks.

Friends

Potential sexual partners change. Monica and Chandler are neurotic and argue. Phoebe says many ditsy things. Joey says nearly as many ditsy things as Phoebe, but sometimes says more.

The Dukes of Hazzard

The boys get into trouble with Boss Hogg, and escape in the General Lee. Daisy wears short shorts.

Sex in the CitySamanta gives up sex -- it's definitely only a dream.

Everybody Loves Raymond
Ray and Debra have a disagreement. Mom only makes things worse.


The King of Queens
Doug makes an ass out of himself

fox network news, liberals are denouced as unamerican.

Will & Grace
Will & Grace sit in a sofa and talk about their frustrations. Suddenly, Jack appears.

Felicity
Felicity finds new reasons to justify her promiscuity.

Ali McBeal
Thin lawyer hallucinates during trials.

Antiques Road Show: Man learns that the schmatta hanging over the back of his chair is worth $500,000.

Friday, July 25, 2003
The Today Show: Guest, Colin Powell
The Early Show: Guest, Colin Powell
Good Morning, American: Guest, Colin Powell

Maury[/i]

Guest Couple 1: Woman says her man is cheating on her. Man denies charges, takes polygraph test to prove he is telling the truth. Results of polygraph question #1: He lied! Results of polygraph question #2: He lied! Results of polygraph question #3: He lied! Results of polygraph question #4: He lied! Woman runs off stage crying.

Guest Couple 2: Woman says her man is cheating on her. Man denies charges, takes polygraph test to prove he is telling the truth. Results of polygraph question #1: He lied! Results of polygraph question #2: He lied! Results of polygraph question #3: He lied! Results of polygraph question #4: He lied! Woman runs off stage crying.

Guest Couple 3: Woman says her man is cheating on her. Man denies charges, takes polygraph test to prove he is telling the truth. Results of polygraph question #1: He lied! Results of polygraph question #2: He lied! Results of polygraph question #3: He lied! Results of polygraph question #4: He lied! Woman runs off stage crying.

Guest Couple 4: Woman says her man is cheating on her. Man denies charges, takes polygraph test to prove he is telling the truth. Results of polygraph question #1: He lied! Results of polygraph question #2: He lied! Results of polygraph question #3: He lied! Results of polygraph question #4: He lied! Woman runs off stage crying.

Guest Couple 5: Woman says her man is cheating on her. Man denies charges, takes polygraph test to prove he is telling the truth. Results of polygraph question #1: He lied! Results of polygraph question #2: He lied! Results of polygraph question #3: He lied! Results of polygraph question #4: He lied! Woman runs off stage crying.

ORANGE COUNTY CHOPPERSOle man Tuttle gets whacked by sons


CROCODILE HUNTER-bout sums it up



INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO-who gives a ****


RED GREEN SHOW-the many uses of duct tape

Martha Stewart Living: Martha makes a centerpiece for a formal dinner by using some soiled tissues and a green gumdrop.

Lassie: Lassie rescues Timmy from a well.

Lassie: Lassie rescues Timmy from a burning barn.

Lassie: Lassie rescues Timmy from a raging river.

Lassie: Lassie learns to bark in Morse code.

Roy Rogers: The final episode. Trigger gets stuffed. Nellybelle gets sold for parts.

Marcus Welby, M.D.: Dr. Welby makes a house call.

Perry Mason: Blurb for all shows but one--Perry wins a case by getting the real guilty party to confess on the witness stand.

Beavis & Butthead
The boys stare at TV (mainly obscure music videos from fringe rock bands such as Gwar) and make snide comments. They then leer at girls and fail in school.

WWE Wrestling
Babyfaces and heels face off. Someone betrays someone else. Someone takes a chair shot. Trish Stratus (on Monday nights), Torrie Wilson (on Thursday nights) or Terri Runnels (on Sunday nights) wears a skimpy outfit that shows off a lot of cleavage, and then proceeds to wrestle in mud, jello or gravy. Many of the people in the audience hold up signs. Vince McMahon yells about something. Stone Cold Steve Austin chugs some beer.

Cops
Drunk and/or stupid people attempt to evade the law but are caught. A high-speed car chase ensues.

Emeril Live
Bam! Emeril cooks with garlic (pronounced: gahlic) and his own brand of "essence". Serves food to the audience and crew. The band plays between commercials.

Saturday Night Live
The host says "It's really great to be here in New York, hosting Saturday Night Live!" Parodies are done of anything the host is famous for. The musical guest is no one you've heard of if you're over the age of 25.

Barney and Friends
A purple dinosaur plays with children and they sing songs. Caution: your toddler will become addicted, but you'll fall asleep.