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Fri 6 Apr, 2007 08:00 pm
Quote:Barbie helped my kids discover the joys of dog poop
By Bob Rybarczyk
SPECIAL TO THE POST-DISPATCH
04/03/2007
Apparently, somewhere along the way, dog poop became a popular toy for little girls.
I was just as surprised to learn this as you are. Little girls aren't supposed to like poop. Little boys are the ones who like poop. What little boy doesn't like poop? When I was a kid, a pile of dog duty was a mound of untapped potential.
But little girls aren't supposed to like poop. It's gross. It's brown. It's stinky. Girls don't like any of those things. And yet, somehow, some way, someone actually figured out a way to make dog poop fun for girls. And that someone is Barbie.
No, really. Barbie has made dog poop fun.
I'm telling you, if Barbie announces that she's going to start a company that will invent interstellar travel, establish world peace and create a pill that makes people better-looking, I'm investing.
Anyway, here's what's going on with the poop. The Barbie folks recently put out a new doll called, descriptively enough, Barbie With Tanner The Dog. The actual Barbie portion of Barbie With Tanner The Dog is not all that noteworthy. (In other words, she doesn't poop.)
But Tanner, well, Tanner's a different story. Tanner The Dog, you see, comes with these little magnetic brown pellets. They're about the size of an average Tic Tac. Except they're not Tic Tacs. Not at all.
If your daughter pushes down on Tanner's tail, his doggy mouth opens, and she can insert one of these "biscuits" (Barbie's words, not mine) into it. Then all she has to do is shake ol' Tanner a little bit, lift his tail, and voila, what moments ago was a doggie biscuit is now a completely different kind of doggie biscuit.
Better yet, Barbie can use her magnetic pooper-scooper stick to pick up Tanner's little intestinal disaster. Ta daaaa, great fun is had by all.
I think it would be more accurate if Barbie came with her own vomit, considering she must puke after meals to keep that notorious figure of hers.
I think this must have been invented by/suggested by my ex-nutty-as-a-fruitcake-neighbor in Chicago who (no kidding) would get up every morning and patrol the alley to yell at/complement people on their handling of dog poop.
I can see her letter to Mattell:
Dear Mattell,
Could you please make a Barbie that scoops her dog's poop? Maybe then people would realize that scooping poop is glamorous and I wouldn't have to spend a huge chunk of my paycheck on cayenne pepper to sprinkle around my parking spot!
Sincerly,
Batshitcrazylady.
Tanner looks like a Golden Retriever. That would be in keeping with Barbie's spectacularly maintained bulimic figure.
Life just officially became too weird for me.
Like...the dog eats **** and all.
I know they DO, sometimes, but as a career food choice?
Reminds me of the soldier in Catch 22 who spends the book encased in plaster, with a drip from a bottle going into one arm, and a drain dripping INTO a bottle at the other end.
When both bottles are full, the nurses just come along and switch 'em.
I think Tanner eats Barbie's vomit.
Get a look at Barbies ankles. How can she walk let alone press her foot on the pooper lever? She's the happiest anorexic woman I have ever seen.
dlowan wrote:
Like...the dog eats **** and all.
.
THAT is what made me sick
You feed the dog a biscuit, clean UP the buscuit, only to feed it to him again.
gag me..
Somewhere along the line the consuming public allowed toy companies to decide what games children would play and snack food companies to decide what foods children would regard as treats.
Ha!
Sozlet and I always talk back to the TV when that commercial comes on.
"Dis-GUS-ting!"
"Hel-LO, that dog is eating POOP!"
"Nasty!"
Etc.
Wiat, this is to teach girls social correctness?
Of all the things to choose. But I guess it wouldn't be very exciting to have Picket Sign Barbie protesting the war. Or writing her Congressman.
I think Tanner needs a girlfriend
then little girls would see how much fun it is to get stuck together.
we need a planned parenthood worker Barbie
who comes with tictacs as BC pills..
This is really no different from old-skool Betsy-Wetsy.
Maybe a little less disgusting to me. I thought Betsy-Wetsy was gross.
Did Betsy Wetsy drink her pee?
The smart girls figgered how to do that right quick.
(take out the diaper - use the funnel - put the water/pee/milk back in the bottle - most 5 or 6 year olds of my generation figured it out in less than 10 minutes)
Nasty.
(apparently she's still out there, 50 years on)
Isn't that a lot of effort? Was it tinted or something?
Sozlet has a baby doll that drinks water and then "pees", but once she's peed sozlet just gets more water from the tap.
On the other hand the doll used up the 3 disposable diapers she came with right quick and I haven't bothered to buy more, so she's mostly a sink/ bath doll...
No particular effort - the funnel was perfect (maybe it was designed for that purpose? I don't recall). The water wasn't tinted, just got dirty after a few trips through Betsy.
Blechhhh.
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