Tourists and the funny things they do or say!!!

We were sitting on our patio overlooking the PAssamaquoddy Bay, which is an arm of the Bay of Fundy, when a bunch of tourists from Ohio drove up our lane. They stopped near us and came over. We said hey and they said hey. So the woman of the clan looks out on the bay (it being low tide) and said
"Wow , the drought has been real bad up here"

Almost exactly two years ago, in a similar thread on Abuzz I posted this (very true) story:

It was 1975, I was sitting at the Fontana di Trevi, in Rome, and
I overheard an American family. The kid asked his father how old
was that fountain. The man approached a carabiniere, phrase book
at hand, and asked:
"Quanto vecchio questo fontana?" (sic)
The policeman showed him the sign where, in Roman numbers, the
date it was finished is engraved. MDCCXXXV.
The tourist didn't know roman numerals, so he asked the
carabiniere to write the number for him. The policeman did: 1735.
Finally he had the answer for his son:
"The fountain is 1735 years old. Wow! It was built the year 240!", he said proudly.

Some people don't understand the purpose of traveling to Africa for a safari, and complain that the lodges do not have a t.v. and telephone in every room. c.i.

Another true story I posted on that thread:


We were having a walking tour in Sophia, Bulgaria. An Australian
tourist's eyes became suddenly brighter. She drew a smile, went
to the guide and told her:
"I've just found out how do you say restaurant in Bulgarian: it's
pectopah".
The guide smiled back, and replied: "you read 'pectopah' with the
Roman alphabet but you must have noticed that in Bulgaria the
alphabet is cyrillic. The p is an r, the c is an s, the h is an
n. It says 'restoran', and it's pronounced just like in English".

I was just in Canada and made the faux pas of saying, "I'm American....." Rather than, "I'm from the states....." My sister was the only one who said anything, but I felt pretty silly. And, Ceili, it was skiiable where I went to!

When we cruised on the Bosphorus in Istanbul, we ended up at a restaurant called the Garaj. c.i.

Canadians in the beach resorts of the US are funny. These great expanses of scallop white flesh laying on the beach like so many veal sausages. Its really sad. Canadians should be required to stop off at a mid latitude state like New York or Indiana so they can acclimate to the solar radiation.

Hmm...I bring you this, in defence of my countrymen:

These questions about Canada were posted on an International
Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck.

Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the
railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me
a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it...Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it...Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions on Bristish Columbia where the
female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all
year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the
girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

yeh but dont we have a great tan?

Yer avatar don't even have skin, farmerman, heh

An English friend of mine came to Canada to visit. She traipsed around Toronto for a while, called me and told me she was booked on a greyhound and would call me when she got in too town that afternoon.

three and half days later...

I get a phone call. She's here.
She had looked at a map of the country had no idea one country could be that large. And she didn't even go coast to coast.

Thanks,
Ceili

My all time favourite...

I used to work in a pub. We celebrated any and every holiday/event that was in anyway of celtic in origin.
St. Patricks, Halloween yada yada
So it's January and as always, we have adverts on the tables with details on upcoming events, trivia, jokes ect.

This portly guy, smothered in a bad rug and gold baubles from the States somewhere, I forget. Asks me who this Robbie Burns guy is.
I tell him, he's like the patron saint of Scotland, only he was no saint. I told him he was a poet, best known this side of the pond for writing 'Old Lang Syne'.
He asks ' How do you celebrate it'?

I say 'We have a bagpiper and we pipe in a haggis. You do know what a haggis is, don't you? You've seen one', right'?
He says, 'Yes, but not a live one'.
I looked him straigt in the face, (just about exploded) and considered whether I would explain or not, that a haggis was the a lambs ect interior organs, ground, blended with oats and spices and roasted in a sheeps' stomach.

Thanks,
Ceili

Note to Celli- Welcome! The reason that you got those code marks around your title, is because you can't adjust the way that your title looks, only the text.

An American tourist in Denmark asked:"So,do you have the same problems with the vikings as we do with the Indians back home?"
Yes,yes,he should have said "native American" or suchlike.
This is one of my ABSOLUTE favourites.

cav- I nearly split my sides open when I read your Canadian post! That is hilarious!

Vikings, lol! Do the wealthy ones come in via Lear Longboat?

Ceili, I always thought it was 'Rabbie Bairns'....you know how the haggis was invented? A Scotsman walked by the disposal area in the back of a butcher shop and said: "Yer na' gunna throw that out, are ye? That's pairfictly gud meat!"

Cav == love it, they are great little stories. Canada rocks.
One time when I was in the USA, it was down south, somewhere between the Atlantic and the western desert states. A middleaged slightly plump woman asked me where I was from, so I told her London. She beamed broadly and said, as if she'd discovered geography, London Ontario ? I said no, the original London in England. This lovely woman then proceeded to tell the whole of a crowded Greyhound that there was A GUY FROM LONDON ENGLAND ON THE BUS..........................................
I hid in my seat and no, no one asked if I'd met the Queen.

so, have you met the queen?

That would be telling, but yes I honestly have and he's running a nice pub for those so inclined in the Soho district on Old Compton Street. I though am straight up and down, not in the least inclined