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All of your burning philosophical questions answered

Forums: Philosophical, Humor, Funny, Amusing, Silly
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Mar, 2007 05:33 pm
Chumly wrote:
What's the best way to cool a sausage? I find they burn my mouth if they are too hot.


Liquid nitrogen, then you can drop 'em and shatter 'em.

Too cold? Hmm. How 'bout chilled mustard on top?
0 Replies
 
George
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Mar, 2007 08:43 pm
If I set my camera's focus to infinity, can I take a picture of God?
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littlek
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Mar, 2007 08:54 pm
ooooh, that's a good one, George!
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Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Mar, 2007 09:18 pm
jespah wrote:
Phoenix32890 wrote:
Alternate tall building story which will be understood by Noo Yawkers:

On 37th Street a man was distraught that his business was not doing well.
He decides to kill himself, and jumps off the top of the building where he has his business. On the way down, he passes his office, where his partner is looking out the window.

"Cut velvet", he shouts to his partner.


I confess I do not know that one. Enlightenment comes from many places, er, I'd love to hear it. Smile



If I may take this one. I'm a Noo Yawker. We're talking the garment district (schmatte district to those in the know) here. The suicidal jumper is just trying to be helpful. He's telling his partner to make velvet clothes--cut velvet. What a thoughtful man.
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Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Mar, 2007 09:19 pm
Speaking of fish, which we were a while ago, I've looked everywhere. Done a lot of reading. Watched a lot of nature shows. No one ever mentions catching a gefilte. Where are these suckers hiding?
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Mar, 2007 09:23 pm
jespah wrote:
Roberta wrote:
If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now, which resulted from my not knowing then what I needed to know then. I'm assuming that in a few years I'll know then what I need to now, but by then it will be too late to help me now. How do I find out now what I need to know now? I await your word oh revered sage of the town of beans.


And here I thought Elmer was in a time loop.

Knowledge is like a cascading rivulet of, uh, something, but it's kinda nice to say cascading rivulet, it rolls off the tongue much like Ricardo Montalban discussing rich Corinthian leather. Essentially, though, you can't know everything you have to know unless you build a time machine and row out to meet yourself. This would cause chaos and, while you were becoming enlightened, there would be a huge matter-antimatter explosion so my advice is, stay out of the time machine biz unless you're a second HG Wells.


I had a feeling there was gonna be some kinda time travel involved. Liked the cascading rivulet, though.
0 Replies
 
Chumly
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Mar, 2007 10:02 pm
Roberta wrote:
Speaking of fish, which we were a while ago, I've looked everywhere.
You'll have to look backwards; it was eons ago that we were fish!
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 12:35 am
Chumly wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Speaking of fish, which we were a while ago, I've looked everywhere.
You'll have to look backwards; it was eons ago that we were fish!


Not saying we were fish (not saying we weren't either). Just saying that we were talking about fish not all that long ago. Rolling Eyes Smile
0 Replies
 
Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 01:08 am
Roberta wrote:
Chumly wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Speaking of fish, which we were a while ago, I've looked everywhere.
You'll have to look backwards; it was eons ago that we were fish!


Not saying we were fish (not saying we weren't either). Just saying that we were talking about fish not all that long ago. Rolling Eyes Smile
Talking fish……what's in a Filet-O-Fish then....talking fish?
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 02:43 am
Chumly wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Chumly wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Speaking of fish, which we were a while ago, I've looked everywhere.
You'll have to look backwards; it was eons ago that we were fish!


Not saying we were fish (not saying we weren't either). Just saying that we were talking about fish not all that long ago. Rolling Eyes Smile
Talking fish……what's in a Filet-O-Fish then....talking fish?


Don't make me come over there!

http://www.american.edu/TED/images3/Growling.jpg
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 04:07 am
George wrote:
If I set my camera's focus to infinity, can I take a picture of God?


God is quite camera shy and generally prefers lithography as He has used stone before as a medium (see the Ten Commandments, only not the musical version as that has Val Kilmer in it). You might, however, get a good shot of the Aquanet that not only holds us together but is also the strong attractive force in the universe.

May the pickles of sorrow and the lettuce of adversity be held from the hamburger order of your life.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 04:11 am
Roberta wrote:
Speaking of fish, which we were a while ago, I've looked everywhere. Done a lot of reading. Watched a lot of nature shows. No one ever mentions catching a gefilte. Where are these suckers hiding?


Thanks for the velvet joke.

As for the gefiltes, their natural habitat is the kosher foods section of your local grocery. You ever notice, sometimes, the sprayers going on in the produce section, or some mysterious disembodied hand adding stock in the back of the dairy case? These are the same areas where the wild gefilte travel, but they nest in the kosher foods section, and feed their young day-old matzoh. So bring a fishing line, baited with matzoh (the plain kind, they don't like egg and onion) to the kosher foods section and you might catch a wild gefilte.

May the leotard of despair not give you a wedgie.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 04:17 am
Roberta wrote:
Chumly wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Chumly wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Speaking of fish, which we were a while ago, I've looked everywhere.
You'll have to look backwards; it was eons ago that we were fish!


Not saying we were fish (not saying we weren't either). Just saying that we were talking about fish not all that long ago. Rolling Eyes Smile
Talking fish……what's in a Filet-O-Fish then....talking fish?


Don't make me come over there!

http://www.american.edu/TED/images3/Growling.jpg


Now, now. There's plenty of philosophical goodness (er, weirdness) to go around.

Yes, eons ago, we were fish, and were preyed on by giant scorpions and terrorized by killer talking ferns. As fish, we did not know that the killer talking ferns could not run after us or that the giant scorpions were dumber than a bag of hammers, seeing as hammers were not yet invented. Yet we were still afraid of our own shadows, until we grew legs and got up on land and checked out our shadows, which were no longer quite so scary because you know how sometimes you look up at the sky from underwater and everything is all wavy and corduroy and odd? Well, we found out by hauling ourselves up on land that things were not quite so dire although the earth was rather active volcanically and there were no decent soft-serve ice cream places anywhere.

Then the dinosaurs arrived. Anyway, evolution is a wondrous thing but I'm sure the clams are still kinda PO'd at how they turned out.

May the hair gel of contentment provide you with a pleasant coiffure all day.
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  2  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 04:38 am
I'm bedazzled by your widsom. Fishing for gefiltes with matzo (the plain kind) as bait. I don't need to wear those hip boot things, do I?

Also thanks for the good wishes re the wedgie. I hate dem wedgies.
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 04:49 am
Roberta wrote:
jespah wrote:
Phoenix32890 wrote:
Alternate tall building story which will be understood by Noo Yawkers:

On 37th Street a man was distraught that his business was not doing well.
He decides to kill himself, and jumps off the top of the building where he has his business. On the way down, he passes his office, where his partner is looking out the window.

"Cut velvet", he shouts to his partner.


I confess I do not know that one. Enlightenment comes from many places, er, I'd love to hear it. Smile



If I may take this one. I'm a Noo Yawker. We're talking the garment district (schmatte district to those in the know) here. The suicidal jumper is just trying to be helpful. He's telling his partner to make velvet clothes--cut velvet. What a thoughtful man.


Boida- You missed the entire point of this story. You were right, as far as it went, but you left out something. The man, falling out of the building, sees what is happening in his competitor's workshops. As he passes his floor, always looking to make a buck, "clues in" his partner.

Gives new meaning to the expression, Neither rain nor snow nor gloom of night........", or even suicide.
0 Replies
 
Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 04:49 am
jespah wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Chumly wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Chumly wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Speaking of fish, which we were a while ago, I've looked everywhere.
You'll have to look backwards; it was eons ago that we were fish!


Not saying we were fish (not saying we weren't either). Just saying that we were talking about fish not all that long ago. Rolling Eyes Smile
Talking fish……what's in a Filet-O-Fish then....talking fish?


Don't make me come over there!

http://www.american.edu/TED/images3/Growling.jpg
OK, I'll make you come where you are! Your eyes are aflame with sultry animal passions, your tongue is a broodingly mysterious red, your ivory fangs telltale of the hunt.
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 05:01 am
Phoenix32890 wrote:
Roberta wrote:
jespah wrote:
Phoenix32890 wrote:
Alternate tall building story which will be understood by Noo Yawkers:

On 37th Street a man was distraught that his business was not doing well.
He decides to kill himself, and jumps off the top of the building where he has his business. On the way down, he passes his office, where his partner is looking out the window.

"Cut velvet", he shouts to his partner.


I confess I do not know that one. Enlightenment comes from many places, er, I'd love to hear it. Smile



If I may take this one. I'm a Noo Yawker. We're talking the garment district (schmatte district to those in the know) here. The suicidal jumper is just trying to be helpful. He's telling his partner to make velvet clothes--cut velvet. What a thoughtful man.


Boida- You missed the entire point of this story. You were right, as far as it went, but you left out something. The man, falling out of the building, sees what is happening in his competitor's workshops. As he passes his floor, always looking to make a buck, "clues in" his partner.

Gives new meaning to the expression, Neither rain nor snow nor gloom of night........", or even suicide.



I'm supposed to know this? Nobody said nuttin' about him looking in windows. Sigh.
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 05:03 am
Quote:
I'm supposed to know this? Nobody said nuttin' about him looking in windows. Sigh.


If someone was falling out of a building, you think that he'd be looking at the ground? Laughing
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 05:24 am
Chumly wrote:
jespah wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Chumly wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Chumly wrote:
Roberta wrote:
Speaking of fish, which we were a while ago, I've looked everywhere.
You'll have to look backwards; it was eons ago that we were fish!


Not saying we were fish (not saying we weren't either). Just saying that we were talking about fish not all that long ago. Rolling Eyes Smile
Talking fish……what's in a Filet-O-Fish then....talking fish?


Don't make me come over there!

http://www.american.edu/TED/images3/Growling.jpg
OK, I'll make you come where you are! Your eyes are aflame with sultry animal passions, your tongue is a broodingly mysterious red, your ivory fangs telltale of the hunt.


Got a cigarette?

http://www.mossymere.co.uk/images-tanzania/175L-Cheetah2006.jpg
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Mar, 2007 05:28 am
Phoenix32890 wrote:
Quote:
I'm supposed to know this? Nobody said nuttin' about him looking in windows. Sigh.


If someone was falling out of a building, you think that he'd be looking at the ground? Laughing


Why would he jump off the building facing in? Why would he care about cutting velvet.

I have my hands full planning a fishing expedition. Gonna catch a gefilte. I can't be worrying about the meshugina in the schmatte business who jumps off a building.
0 Replies
 
 

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