All of your burning philosophical questions answered

George wrote:

Why am I so afraid to sneeze and fart at the same time?

Because then your sinuses would turn to stone (try it!). Actually, the other day I broke wind and coughed simultaneously at work. They were too polite to point it out.

May the llama of adversity not spit on your delicate fine washables.

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Setanta wrote:

...people who have attempted to investigate this claim have mysteriously disappeared. For my own part, i believe tha ,as[pldiyr[apeioh['ws

Oh, my. I think, if we all clap our hands, and say we believe in Setanta, he'll come back.

In the meantime, may the poodle of delight bark at your jokes.

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Should I be afraid of meeting 13 triskaidekaphobiacs?

Joe(If so what am I suffering from?)Nation

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Joe Nation wrote:

Should I be afraid of meeting 13 triskaidekaphobiacs?

Joe(If so what am I suffering from?)Nation

Yes, that would be Triscuitphobia. So send all of your crackers here, c/o
Craven de Kere
Hamster Lane
Anytown, USA

PS May the tacos of triumph cause you to break wind with great trumpeting sounds, but not in tight places.

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What a relief, I thought I was crazy.

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Setanta wrote:

dadpad wrote:
jespah wrote:
Drink the Fresca

The question will be resolved once I figure out what the bloody hell a Fresca is when its at home.

I thought they were arty-farty drawing thingos on walls.

Fresca is a citrus (grapefruit-based) soft drink from the boys and girls at Coca-Cola, introduced in the 1960s. It is "lo-cal" or "no-cal" stuff, and therefore might qualify as a "diet" soft drink.

The philosophical significance of Fresca is that many of the cognoscenti are convinced that Coca-Cola Corporation did not actually invent the soft drink, but, rather, that it first appeared from another dimension of the cosmos at the same time that the aircraft from the missing Navy Flight 19 training mission, which disappeared in 1945, was suddenly discovered in northern Georgia, near a major distribution facility of the Atlanta-based Coca-Cola Corporation. It is further alleged that Coca-Cola covered up the evidence about Flight 19 in order to capitalize on the popularity of the new soft drink, and that people who have attempted to investigate this claim have mysteriously disappeared. For my own part, i believe tha ,as[pldiyr[apeioh['ws

I think that was called "Tresca" here.

Hence the confusion.

Thank heavens I now know it was supposedly grapefruit based.

I never could figure out what the hell it was supposed to imitate.

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Quote:

http://alamo.nmsu.edu/~lockhart/EPSodas/Chapter8/8c/fresca.jpg

Never heard of the sucker.

But thanks anyway

May your kookaburras laugh loud and long each morning.

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Tresca sounds like a supermodel.

May all of your common denominators be the least ones.

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What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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Bread rolls...

(shut up, Osso)

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George wrote:

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Filet of mastodon in a white wine reduction.

May the horseshoes of soul fly to a ringer around the post of your spirit.

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ossobuco wrote:

Bread rolls...

(shut up, Osso)

A fine guess. The path to enlightenment sometimes has a faded double yellow line down its center.

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Weren't there some of those at the La Brea Tar Pits? (I dunno, I haven't looked at this link -Tar Pits).

at the same cave, also available -
Braised Mastodon Shank with Fettucini in Squid Ink, with very bubbly Champagne.

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Sounds good. The last ice age was a good vintage.

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I was sitting here eating a poppy seed bagel topped with sliced dark turkey and Swiss cheese. My first thought was sadness at realizing just how many poppy plants would not be planted because I was eating all those seeds. I was really bereft, but then my thoughts turned to wondering if those poppy seeds came from some Taliban plantation in Afghanistan?

How can I know the Swiss cheese is really from Swisserland?

Joe(Oh, and How many seeds does it take before the high kicks in?)Nation

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First off, the whole combo is unkosher although you can redeem it if you add Russian dressing and turn it into a take on the classic Reuben sandwich (not named for Ruben "Hurricane" Carter), although it's already eaten. So that's a suggestion for next time.

This also begs the question of the whole Russo-Afghani conflict and then you get the Silk Road and the trade in poppy seeds and other poppy products and I'm not talkin' the kinds of things you buy on Memorial Day. Unless, of course, your connection comes in then, for the start of the summer season, I suppose. Anyway, the poppy seeds in your poppy seed bagel are probably pre-9/11 poppy seeds because almost everyone keeps spices, herbs etc. way past their shelf life. Why, I have a tin of pepper from the Eisenhower Administration and I wasn't even alive then. It was left to me by my great-grandmother.

Therefore the poppy seeds do not come from the Taliban (I almost wrote Tabilan, which sounds like a laxative) but rather are from some earlier government/junta/oligarchy/group/fraternity house propped up by the US Government. You may eat them without guilt but please try the Russian dressing and have a nice pickle, grab one from the bottom (but only if you have clean hands!) as those are the good sour ones.

Swiss cheese is not from Swisserland; it's from Swissitania.

The high kicks in, well, hasn't it already?

May a somnabulent hitchhiker guide you to Dubuque.

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I have two questions. Is that allowed? I don't care. I'm forging ahead anyway.

(1) I see all these posts about water softener. Why do people need to soften water? If it ain't ice, it seems pretty soft to me.

(2) Despite my above-average intelligence, I don't understand Einstein's theory of relativity. Would you please explain it to me in terms I can understand.

Thanks. I'm counting on you, Jes.

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Here's another one. If seltzer (and/or club soda) is carbonated water, why is it that when it goes flat, it tastes like flat seltzer (and/or club soda) instead of water?

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Roberta wrote:

I have two questions. Is that allowed? I don't care. I'm forging ahead anyway.

That was actually three with the two posts, but who's counting?

Roberta wrote:

(1) I see all these posts about water softener. Why do people need to soften water? If it ain't ice, it seems pretty soft to me.

The softening makes the water meltable. I suspect these are underground chemistry labs engaging in some sort of major manufacturing operation and we will soon hear of the "Tenafly Project", which is like the "Manhattan Project", only with no cachet yet lower rents.

Roberta wrote:

(2) Despite my above-average intelligence, I don't understand Einstein's theory of relativity. Would you please explain it to me in terms I can understand.

Even Einstein did not understand it and, instead, offered it as an April Fools' joke on the other physicists, who all turned around, white lab coats flapping in the modest breeze, and covered their mouths while they smiled and chuckled softly. "E, ha!" they said, and were all enlightened but the truth of it is that it's really just a theory of E! entertainment television and the reason it's called Special Relativity is because it's relativity on a shortbus.

Roberta wrote:

Thanks. I'm counting on you, Jes.

Live to serve, babe.

Roberta wrote:

Here's another one. If seltzer (and/or club soda) is carbonated water, why is it that when it goes flat, it tastes like flat seltzer (and/or club soda) instead of water?

This is because the world isn't really covered in 2/3 water but rather it's 1/3 water, 1/3 seltzer and the other 1/3 is mainly composed of what scientists refer to as creamy nougat, a phrase that makes BPB and Slappy giggle.

Seltzer, of course, does not need softening, but when it meets regular water (such as the humidity in the air), this causes a small nuclear reaction to be set off in your kitchen or corner deli. Therefore it is dangerous to leave an open seltzer bottle out unattended and it must be guzzled rapidly in order to keep the radiation levels to an acceptable level. This may cause excessive gas, I can enlighten you on a remedy for excessive gas at a later time if you like, please remind me.

May the croissant of love sop up the gravy of discontent.

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I bow to your wisdom, oh might wise oracle.

Thanks for clearing up each and every question for me. I now understand it all.

Warning: I've got more.

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All of your burning philosophical questions answered

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