Once Again I Declare My Candidacy

I am virulently anti gay but I love lesbian porn.

I believe in the 10 commandments but don't feel like obeying all of them.

I believe in gun control but if you come in my house I'll be glad to shoot you. Shoot to kill I mean. I'm tough on crime. (as long as it's against me)

I have empathy and concern for all inhabitants of this planet regardless of race, color, creed or national origin... but I like me best.

I have smoked more dope, snorted more cocaine and cheated or more wives than any political candidate before me so we can get that out of the way and save hours of time.

I believe that drugs should be legal but selling them to children should carry a mandatory death penalty with no appeals process.

I believe it should be illegal to reproduce within your own racial group for a decade....just to see what we'd figure out to hate each other about after we were all one homogenized race. I'm a free thinker.

I believe in free health care for all and I believe it should come out of the pockets of insurance executives and they should go to work for Jiffy Lube.

I believe we should destroy every nuclear weapon on the planet or have one huge party and set them all off at once. Either one will do fine.

I believe anyone who supports war in their middle and old age who declined to serve in their youth should be sent naked to a camp in a mustard field in between Winnipeg and Portage La Prairie and left there to rot.

I am running for president in 2008 as an independent true representative of our f**ked up electorate and I hope I can count on your vote


It's the Bi-Polar Party.