Nouns and verbs may just be words....

Anything said about me is either the truth, in which case why should I be offended, or is a lie, in which case why should I be offended?

Anything said about my girls better be nice.

I think it's just braggadocio. A comeback.

Kid 1 = Insults Kid 2
Kid 2 = "sticks and stones..."

Sort of like "I'm rubber and you're glue..."

Doesn't make it true.

It's definitely a start on teaching a child not to rely solely on others' opinions to form their own opion of their self-worth.



And it's better than "you're a poopity head."

Or a start on teaching your kid that it is okay to say anything to anyone because they're only words and words can't hurt anyone.

No matter how well you raise your children, everyone has a place words can hurt.

Drewdad, you can't tell us there is nothing someone can say about you that would hit that spot.

That's part of what makes us human, we feel.

Plus, the truth can hurt, and offend. As in "Well, thank you for pointing out to me I have a physical condition I have no control over. How kind of you to notice."

I don't think that bit of doggerel is meant to excuse verbal brutality. I'd be it was coined to give the Natural Born Victims something to say to the schoolyard bullies instead of escalating the situation by attacking them physically.

Young kids can't be expected to enforce civilized behavior--especially when they are the ones being attacked. They can keep the carnage verbal rather than physically bloody.

Childhood is not always a happy place.

Perhaps I should clarify my position.

I would never even verbally beat the **** out of a kid.

So....

The next adult I hear say that to a kid who is hurting over something someone said to them, I will verbally beat the **** out of that adult.

Boomer--

No adult should chant:

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But names will never hurt me.

and expect that alone will make a kid feel happier or be more in tune with turning the other cheek.

What names are the kids saying? Are you really a babbling brontosaurus? Why would they say this?

Are they talking about you or are they saying something about themselves? What are they saying about themselves? Why would they want to make you feel bad? Do you think that they like themselves better when....

Ethics don't compress well.

What happened with Mo? You seem to be in pain right now.

Actually, I think it's important to teach our children that anothers words do not define us, it defines them. Sure, it may hurt, but only if we let it. It is our choice to decide if what someone says about us or to us is hurtful. Whether or not we feel distressed, hurt, belittleled, embarrassed etc is our choice, just as is any verbal response we make back, such as sticks and stones...

Our reaction to unkind words should be to say something nice back to the person being unkind without judging them. Here's a couple of boys you overhear on the playground - which do you prefer, A,B, or C?

Gus: You're a fat poopity head, Bear.

Bear: I know you are but what am I? (trying to be tough, but doesn't feel any better about self with that response)

OR

Gus: You're a fat poopity head, Bear.

Bear: So's your sister. I know cause I slept with her last night. (T!t for tat, ... so to speak. Still, Bear doesn't feel good inside with this response)

OR

Gus: You're a fat poopity head, Bear.

Bear: Hey, Gus. Good to see ya. By the way, I saw the game you pitched the other day and you were awesome. (Gus and Bear both feel good about themselves. Gus may say something ugly again at some point, but eventually all the guys that hang with Gus start seeing Bear as not so fun to harrass, so they move on to the kid that doesn't know that sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.)

Don't tell me what I can't do!

I'm not particularly happy when someone points out that I'm bald, but it also isn't a crushing blow to my ego. I'm bald, and I don't try to hide the fact.

Stupid doesn't describe me, although I've been known to make bad decisions.

The worst decisions of my life were based on trying to impress someone else by being, or pretending to be, something that I'm not.

So now I don't try to pretend. Criticism is painful, but insults pretty much bounce of my tough, robotic exterior.

DrewDad--



You are an adult. Of course you have more wisdom than an eight-year-old.

Which is why we teach it to them at eight, rather than waiting until we think they are old enough, tough enough, mature enough, etc.

That was the second point in my original post.

Honestly, I'm just really put out with the adults I know and their "sticks and stones" mentality.

Mo got in a little trouble at school early in the week for hitting two kids. He deserved to get in trouble for it.

But they deserved to get in trouble for mocking him and calling him stupid but they didn't.

Now people keep telling Mo "sticks and stones and blahblahblah" but I'm the one who sits with him while he cries about it four days later and who has to convince him he has to go to school even though the other kids think he's stupid.

Short of turning him into some nancy little tattle-tale I don't know what to do.

I'm just blowing off steam here because I can't really do it anywhere else.

I understand boomerang....

Thanks, Chai.

I'm no master of understanding little children but perhaps if people quit repeating this little ditty and instead taught their kids that words can and do hurt people there would be a little less trouble in the world.

That sucks, boomerang, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I think validating that it hurts can also help teach the hurt kids not to turn around and do it themselves. (It's serious. Don't do it.)

Boomer--

Can you take some comfort in that it was two on one?

"Sticks & Stones" is just one of the many tried & true cliched cures that just don't work.

Bullying should not be allowed--but it is. As the background of the Columbine massacre came out, I had a momentary vagrant sympathy for the worms that turned.