The Duck

THE DUCK
~Ogden Nash~

Behold the duck.
It does not cluck.
A cluck it lacks.
It quacks.
It is specially fond
Of a puddle or pond.
When it dines or sups,
It bottoms ups.

Yeah, go ahead, outshine me again.

Have you no pity?

I Want A New Duck


Woh oh

I want a new duck
One that won't try to bite
One that won't chew a hole in my socks
One that won't quack all night

I want a new duck
One with big webbed feet
One that knows how to wash my car
And keep his room real neat

One that won't raid the ice box
One that'll stay in shape
One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape
Or I'll tie him up with duct tape

I want a new duck
A mallard I think
One that won't make a mess of my house
Or build a nest in the bathroom sink

I want a new duck
One that won't steal a beer
One that won't stick his bill in my mail
One that knows the duck stops here

One that won't drive me crazy waddling all around
One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown
And show me how to get down
How to get down baby

Get it?
Quack quack quack quack
quack quack quack quack

I want a new duck
Not a swan or a goose
Just a drake I can dress real cute
Think I'm gonna name him Bruce

I want a new duck
Not a quail or an owl
One that won't molt to much
One that won't smell too foul

One that won't beg for breadcrumbs
Hangin' around all day
He'd better mind his manners
Better do just what I say
Or he's gonna be duck pate, duck pate, yah, yah

Quack quack quack quack
Quack quack quack quack
(lots of quacking sounds)


Weird Al Yankovic

C D E D B D ducks?
M R not ducks!
O S A R! C D E D B D wings?
L I L B! M R ducks!

Hey Kicky, I hope you aren't anywhere near that steampipe blast, or your duck will be cooked.

As a matter of fact, I walked right by it on my way home from work. It must have just happened because the crowd checking it out on Lexington and 39th wasn't even that big yet. That steam shooting out of the ground sure was though.

I liked Con Ed's warning: Pretend that asbestos has been leaked...
Duh!

So, what caused the explosion?

Apparently age. The steampipe had been doing it's thing since the 1920's and it finally broke.

Silverfish on the bathroom floor
Why do you hate the light so?
the light that makes you shimmer.
Is it because it's flourescent?