Born Agains: where did you screw up?

You left off "gum stealer and liar to parents". I was born again at the ripe old age of 6. At 14, I died again.

What boggles my mind is...why is that born-agains are almost always horrible dancers?
<shrug>

How many born again women do you know in the world?

What boggles my mind is...why is that born-agains are almost always horrible dancers?

excuse me but what exactly is a "born-again"? How would I recognise one? And what do they do with the umbilical cord?

excuse me but what exactly is a "born-again"? How would I recognise one? And what do they do with the umbilical cord?

Ok thanks. So it has something to do with being or not being a Christian. Can you be a "born again" born again? That would be BA2.

You must forgive these questions, Britain is as I'm sure you know, a mainly druid pagan muslim secular country.

As we speak our very own Dear Leader is being "entertained" in your country by a bisexual druid priestess from Northern Ireland.

Two more years until 50, Chai, eh?

Well steve, no need for forgiveness, that is unless you're a born again.

Seriously, I didn't know much/anything about all this business while I was growing up.

When I grew up in New Jersey, (born in '58) you were either a Catholic, Jew or Protestant. As far as I could see, you believed what you believed and didn't make a big deal about it. If you didn't have any beliefs religiously, well, I don't remember anyone concerning themselves with that either.

My parents sent me to Catholic school, but honestly, I didn't know anyone who was over religious. We had all been baptised and confirmed, and it seemed that if you didn't do anything really horrible, you were ok. Of course we learned about Martin Luther and his reformation and all that, and that led to protestantism, but they didn't seem to be much different except in some stuff they didn't have to do, like go to church every sunday. When I was about 17 I made my first friend who was a protestant, and that sorta facinated me for a little while. Why, she looked normal.

I moved from NJ at about 20, so apparantly all this born again stuff up there has happened since I left.

The main difference I can see is that instead of minding their own bees wax and letting a person figure out their own beliefs, they are compelled to announce to you that they are "saved". It's kinda like when someone is a vegetarian and they need to announce to you in a restaurant that they don't eat meat....Like as if you would have noticed.

The thing is, those who have "come to Jesus" believe they need to spread the word to others, and hopefully bring you into the fold, so you too will be saved.

I live in an urban enough environment now that it doesn't happen that much, but I've had my share of sitting somewhere, let's say getting your oil changed, and the following happens....
You'll be sitting there, and someone starts to chat with you, which I'm all for. Then....they will suddenly, with or without any connection to the conversation, mentioned their church, say something about Jesus, and ask you if you are saved....No ****, they actually come out and ask "Are you a Christian"? or "Are you saved"?

Then they can't pick up that the conversation has gotten akward because you really don't feel like talking to them anymore.

If you let them know in any way you don't share their beliefs, they'll want to "discuss" it with you, and if you decline...then they'll tell you that they are going to pray for you.

For me, it's the same feeling like if you're chatting with a stranger, and all of a sudden, you realize they are trying to sell you some Amway products.

Of course the christians may now come here and refute all that, but I'm just telling you what actually happens.

OH! The more subtle ones, and people who you actually know, may try to slip it in more quietly, like by more than occassionally mentioning church functions, and telling you about how they prayed about something, and so forth, and kinda wait to see what your reaction is.

Here's a good one....Once I was standing at the car wash, looking at the cars going through. This woman was standing next to me with her little boy, about 5. He was of course facinated by the cars. When he saw his, he said "There's our car! There's our car!" the way any kid would.
The mother started in with "Thank you Jesus! Look, Jesus is getting our car clean. Thank you Jesus!"

wow.

Anyway, the kid was like 2 inches from me and said "What are those orange things there" The mother didn't answer, so I said "Those are the rollers that push the car along. See how they go up against the tires"?

The woman glared at me, grabbed the kid by the arm and quickly moved about 10 feet away. Then she started in with the "Thank you Jesus" stuff again.

Funny thing, her car was probably going to get dried off by someone named Hey-Zeus anyway.

Fella from London goes to Belfast, gets as drunk as a lord, and wanders off from his friends. Suddenly, he realizes he is lost, and as he wanders a dark street, a dark figure suddenly looms in front of him, a man in an anorak and a balaclava, with a pistol in his hand:

What religion are ye? ! ? ! ?

Oh Hell, thinks yer man, if i tell him i'm Protestant, i might have wandered into a Catholic neighborhood, and i'm dead--but if i tell him i'm Catholic, what if i'm still in a Protestant neighborhood? Suddenly, he is inspired:

I'm a Jew ! ! !

Aye, and i'm the luckiest Arab in Belfast!

Setanta wrote:

Fella from London goes to Belfast, gets as drunk as a lord, and wanders off from his friends. Suddenly, he realizes he is lost, and as he wanders a dark street, a dark figure suddenly looms in front of him, a man in an anorak and a balaclava, with a pistol in his hand:

What religion are ye? ! ? ! ?

Oh Hell, thinks yer man, if i tell him i'm Protestant, i might have wandered into a Catholic neighborhood, and i'm dead--but if i tell him i'm Catholic, what if i'm still in a Protestant neighborhood? Suddenly, he is inspired:

I'm a Jew ! ! !

Aye, and i'm the luckiest Arab in Belfast!

actually set that was the joke I failed to recall from the deepest recess of my semi drunken mind.

How you go ya here?

real life wrote:

Chai Tea wrote:

In my experience, most born again women turn in vicious gossips.

Thanks for passing along your own vicious gossip.

Well, thanks for the sarcastic input dear.

Gossip is when you are spreading heresay.

I can attest to my personal experience. I damn near lost a job because some born again, because this was a small but overwhelmingly "good christian community"

Apparantly she saw me at the gym and said hello, but, unfortunately I had headphone on and didn't hear her. Instead of walking around to where I could see her ass and take off my headphones, instead she spread the word how unfriendly I was. This woman didn't work with me, but spread the word how "unfriendly and unchristian" I was, and she didn't think I should be in the position I was in.
Because the politics of the born agains was quite in charge where I worked, I was literally brought up in front of both my direct supervisor and the big boss "to explain myself"
I didn't even know what they were talking about.

Let's see, mmm....when a good christian woman invited me to go to church with her, and I told her I was going out of town that weekend (true), she spread it around that I was going off "drinking and sleeping around" every weekend...uh, definatley not true.

Oh, when I introduced my then fiance, now husband of 13 years to a third lovely born again, she quickly informed everyone I was "with" an "old man".....first off, So?
2nd off, I suppose "old" is a subjective term.

and then....there's YOU...accusing me of gossiping viciously....mmmm..hmmm.

see, it's gossip when you're not the one doing it.

I mean, gossip would be if I manufactured something about you....or anyone, to embellish a story and sway opinions.

My statement was based on my empirical experience.