avoiding a teen suicide

TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE

Warning signs are an invitation to communicate. A direct, straightforward response is most effective. Ask your child if he or she is contemplating suicide; no matter what you hear, try not to be judgmental, shocked or angry. Do not communicate your personal attitudes about suicide; instead, offer support and reassurance that suicidal feelings do not last forever. Seek the assistance of a trained professional as soon as possible.

Suicidal youth rarely make a direct plea for help. But most will exhibit warning signs. Here are some of these signs:

Sudden change in behaviour (positive or negative)
Apathy, withdrawal, change in eating patterns
Unusual preoccupation with death or dying
Giving away valued personal possessions
Signs of depression; moodiness, hopelessness
One or more previous suicide attempts
Recent attempt or death by suicide by a friend or a family member

Myth: Young people rarely think about suicide.
Reality: Teens and suicide are more closely linked than adults might expect. In a survey of 15,000 grade 7 to 12 students in British Columbia, 34% knew of someone who had attempted or died by suicide; 16% had seriously considered suicide; 14% had made a suicide plan; 7% had made an attempt and 2% had required medical attention due to an attempt.

Myth: Talking about suicide will give a young person the idea, or permission, to consider suicide as a solution to their problems.
Reality: Talking calmly about suicide, without showing fear or making judgments, can bring relief to someone who is feeling terribly isolated. A willingness to listen shows sincere concern; encouraging someone to speak about their suicidal feelings can reduce the risk of an attempt.

Myth: Suicide is sudden and unpredictable.
Reality: Suicide is most often a process, not an event. Eight out of ten people who die by suicide gave some, or even many, indications of their intentions.

Myth: Suicidal youth are only seeking attention or trying to manipulate others.
Reality: Efforts to manipulate or grab attention are always a cause for concern. It is difficult to determine if a youth is at risk of suicide All suicide threats must be taken seriously.

Myth: Suicidal people are determined to die.
Reality: Suicidal youth are in pain. They don't necessarily want to die; they want their pain to end. If their ability to cope is stretched to the limit, or if problems occur together with a mental illness, it can seem that death is the only way to make the pain stop.

Myth: A suicidal person will always be at risk.
Reality: Most people feel suicidal at some time in their lives. The overwhelming desire to escape from pain can be relieved when the problem or pressure is relieved. Learning effective coping techniques to deal with stressful situations can help

I am not a parent, but a very good friend is. (hmmm ... I'll have to change all names here ...) Tanya was widowed 3 years ago at the age of 38. She has 2 twin girls, age 12, and a third daughter who is 8 now. All show great promise.

One of the twins, Sarah, was diagnosed with lupus 18 months ago. Since then, she has watched her twin sister (and they've always been fiercely loyal and fiercely competitive with each other) grow and develop, excel at sports they both love, and now start attracting boys' attention. Not only is Sarah watching her sister outstrip her physically, but she must be under constant medical supervision -- they are still working get some control of the lupus. Tanya has been told that at this rate of development, Sarah could die by her early 20's. Sarah has not been told this -- for her they paint a much rosier future, giving all kinds of examples of successful people who have lupus. And it is possible that Sarah may live, productively and with quality of life, much longer than the prognosis.

(Of course, the doctors and nurses are much more tactful than I write, but Tanya and I have always spoken very bluntly about the important things.)

Sarah has come to loathe her "traitor body". She has spoken of suicide to her mother who, at the time, put it down to teenage hormones, and stress from her father's death and the disease. It doesn't help that the treatment centre is in the same hospital where her father died. He had a heart attack while coaching the girls' team in a soccer match.

But now Sarah's sister has just told Tanya that Sarah has a suicide plan -- she has detailed it. She has also been stonewalling her social worker (automatically assigned to all lupus patients) or skipping the sessions. Tanya is unsure of how to proceed. She fears that any confrontation over it may push Sarah to some action. Nor does she want to subvert Sarah's confidence in her sister -- a potentially critical communication line. About the only thing Tanya has done is taken any opportunity to obliquely mention the negative (!) side of suicide. For example, yesterday she heard Sarah playing music by an artist who suicided, so she talked to Sarah about this man's wonderful gift and worked the conversation around to how sad it is that he no longer sings.

I'm sorry for the dry way that I've written this. It's because of my helplessness and concern. But does anyone have any advice? Anything I could be doing? Any insight? Anything at all?