My parents

I voted No.

And I will elaborate later.

Yes, is my vote.

I don't expect my son--let alone my stepsons--to support me financially in my old age.

In an ideal world my stepsons would be offering their father some companionship and emotional support, but they really aren't very nice people.

All of these kids were spawned when Love and Marriage automatically meant Children. Perhaps now that parenthood is optional, the parents-by-choice will be able to expect filial gratitude.

Of course, not all expectations are fulfilled.

No! I say this more as a parent myself. As a parent, you decided to have to children. The children did not ask to be born. You raise your children to be self sufficient and to take care of themselves (not you!). To be a true parent - you should be selfless - you give to your children because you love them with no financial expectations in the future. I would not want or expect my children to be obliged to me.

Although I would want them to be (as some one else mentioned here) more an emotional support to me if and when I need it. Financially in my older years - that is what a 401k and other such retirement vehicles are for. Now if something would happen financially to my parents, I wouldn't feel obliged to help them, but would help them because I love them. In other words, there is a huge difference between being obliged and doing it out of love.

I have a strong belief that financial help needs to flow down from the parents to the children, and not the other way around. It is up to a parent to see that their children are given the best start in life with which are capable of giving.

I liken it to the nestlings in a tree. The parents care for the baby birds while they are unable to fend for themselves. When they are capable of self-suffficiency, the birds are thrown out of the nest, to go out in the world on their own.

As for the parents, it is up to them, by the time their children are grown and out of the house, to plan for their own old age. I believe that there is an obligation for the children, as Linkat has said to act as an emotional support for aging parents.

At a certain point in their lives, the roles of parents and children are reversed, and it is important for the kids to "be there" for the parents in tems of emotional support, advice, and direction, as becomes necessary as the parents age.

For instance, I am caring for my 97 year old mother. For years I had done her bookkeeping, shopping, arranging for and taking her to doctor appointments etc. Now that she is in an assisted living facility, I have less to do, but I am still very much involved in handling her affairs. My husband has helped me to invest her money, so that she has enough to take care of herself comfortably.

One of the things that I have made sure of, is that her money will last her for as long as she is around to need it. I would never dream of asking my husband to take some of our money to support my mother. We need that for OUR old age, and certainly would not want to burden our children, by spending our money on my mother, and them coming up short for ourselves.

No. No obligation. A child doesn't run up debt by being born and living, the way I see it.

However, knowing that my mom did the best she could for me (with what she knew and had) and that she genuinely did put me as a priority:
I love her, and will do everything in my power to make sure her life is a good one.
Part of that means making sure I do not end up in the poor house, because I feel having her watch me in a destructive cycle is harder on her even than her own struggles.

Speaking as a mother, flushd has made an excellent point.

One of the joys of a successful offspring is that you don't have to worry.

I dont think it should be an obligation by the strict definition, but a family should always help one another.

As someone said, you are not born in debt. Your birth does not MAKE YOU obligated to take care of anyone who took care of you as a child.

If a family is centered on respect, love, and a genuine sense of belonging, helping someone when they need it should never be a question.

According to the German Civil Code (§ 1601) close relatives are obliged to support those in need.... and that since 1896.

I suppose, since a couple of generations grew up with this law, which only fixed what is a tradtional Christian tradition ... we are used to do so.

So, my answer to the poll is "yes" - but that depends on the situation.

Walter- What about a relative who has been estranged from his family? Or a relative who has been abusive? Seems to me that that particular law really interferes with the freedom of its citizens to make their own decisions.

When you say "close relatives", what is meant by "close"? Is a family obliged to support a relative who has say, gambled away all his money, or spent it on drugs? What about a relative who has always been a ne'er do well? I would be pretty angry if I had one of those, and had to support him.[/b]

Close is the 'direct line'.

The Code Code just gives the 'guide lines'.
Until recently, it was no question in the Federal Republic that the state (=county/town) would pay for that.

But now, since the states running short and shorter of money, especially the conservatives not only remember this law (previuously, it was mainly used by children to get money from the parents) but try to make it 'harder' = grandchildren should pay for their grandparents ...

It's actually no mimitation of our freedoms as citizens (and there's no question about that as well).

Our Basic Law (constitution) say in its second article:




It may be considered 'moral law' (actually it is) as well as the second sntence here is relevant (The Civil Code is generally thought to be according to the Basic Law).

Not Obligated
Parents choose to have children, not the other way around. Parents should not assume that they are giving birth to their elderly caregiver. For some reason many parents give this guilt trip. We had you, we raised you, you owe us. NOPE.

thanks for having me and raising me. That was a CHOICE you made as a parent.

That choice in no way OBLIGATES you to take care of an elderly parent.

You can choose to do so because you love them. That is fine.

Parents also do not take place over the integrity of the child's marriage, etc.