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Sun 8 Oct, 2006 10:29 pm
HEY I AM OR HAVE BEEN A STEP PARENT NOW GOING ON A FEW YEARS AND LET ME TELL YOU IT'S HARD MY WIFE HARDLY WANTS ME SAYING ANY THING TO THE GIRLS, BECAUSE SHE SAYS I'M TOO HARD.
WELL LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE HISTORY: MY WIFE HAS 2 GIRLS AND THERE FATHER IS NOT REALLY A GOOD PERSON OR FATHER TO THE GIRLS, HE DOESNT PAY CHILDSUPPORT AND ALWAYS SAYS THINGS ABOUT THEIR MOTHER TO THE GIRLS SO THAT ONE PROBLEM, 2.) WHEN I AM KINDA HARD ON THE GIRLS ABOUT THEIR CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE MY WIFE SOMETIMES GET MAD WHEN I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING TO THE GIRLS WEITHER SHE IS THERE OR NOT, SHE THINKS I AM SAYING THING TO THE GIRLS THAT I CANT REPEAT TO HER, BUT THAT ISNT THE CASE, SO NOW JUST TO KEEP THE PEACE AFTER THE LAST 2-3years I try not to say much to the kids if I can help it, but for these to be girls at the ages of 11 and 13 they are very lazy, most nights I come home and clean up myself, or my wife may do it if she is done with studying. ... and taken care of the our 22 month old son, who is a hand full by himself.
First, welcome to a2k,
and second, relax, if you can. Don't type everything in capital letters, as people take that as a kind of shouting. though I figure you didn't mean it that way.
People will answer as they run across the thread, not necessarily in five minutes.
OK, first question:
HAve you ever talked quietly to your wife about this?
Whatever you want the girls to do and whatever way you want to enforce it is done, I think it is important that you and your wife speak with one voice.
Don't argue or disagree on these things in front of them, or they will always find a way of getting out by playing you against each other.
Put down a list of things that need to be done.
What do you expect them to do?
Clean their room?
Do the dishes?
Clean the bathroom?
What does your wife want them to do?
In which way exactly does she think you are expecting too much?
I think it's OK to expect them to do SOMETHING, but in the end they are only 11 and 13, still children, really, so they should not end up spending all their spare time doing housework.
It's up to you and your wife to find a middle way.
But above all: you have to agree on it! That's really important.
O, and I don't understand where the biological father comes into that problem.
Or is that a different problem?
Bohne wrote:O, and I don't understand where the biological father comes into that problem.
Or is that a different problem?
This is just a guess, and until the OP comes back to clarify, may be totally wrong, but when a parent isn't doing his/her part and the custodial parent has a partner filling in the gap, there's trouble. In part, it's due to loyalty issues. In part, due to different expectations caused by bringing in new family members and changing the household dynamics. Other troubles surface, too.
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