dream interpretation?

oooh - good one. <nods>

dat klopt. ("that knocks", in dutch. <g>)

bm

Not NECESSARILY a waste, though - if you think about the life *I* would have offered them.

And that's my bottom line.

My pregnancies were the result of a psychological need, and they needed to happen.

I needed to have them, live with the fact that I had them, and figure out "why"- then a wasted life is not a life gone to waste.

I could come up with all KINDS of theories about this, if I ...

So I won't.

<makes note to self: this thread is called "dream interpretation, this thread is called dream interpretation">

Where was I?

Babies would have been more useful if they had lived, sure - useful as objects in the struggle between me and daddy, useful for welfare when daddy eventually, inevitably left -

USEFUL FOR GETTING ME TO SETTLE DOWN, sure, but to what life? But, in this context - the context of the last time I had this dream - that might be it.

Because, symbolically - in my psychology - my abortions represent a part of myself. Every time I had an abortion (it was never against my will, just against my mental health, apparently), I made the choice to do what someone else wanted instead of what I wanted. And, by the way, I say something like 9 abortions, but I do count the three miscarriages. Because I didn't WANT a baby. To me, they were all abortions - abortion being the death of a fetus against its nature, or something.

HE didn't want one, I didn't want one. (3 different he's - I'm a slut, but a commited one.) I made them go away.

Problem solved, right?

Except when I would leave him a year later. <shrugs>

To go find the part of myself that got vacuumed away.

Thanks for the thoughts.

(Is it obvious I just really need to talk? My year hiatus is up - if you have state-sponsored therapy, you have to take a year break after 30 or 50 - for critical patients - sessions. I stopped with my therapist because, as she said, "You know, I didn't HAVE angry siblings when I was growing up, and that's why I've fucked you up even worse by invalidating your anger and making you feel like **** about it" ... or something. I may not be translating it quite right.)


Have you ever noticed if you take those long-ass, convoluted sentences I make and put the fragments in a different order, they are actually excellent sentences?

That's one of the effects of (among other things) serial abortions.

Thanks for listening.

Hm ... maybe I should take more time with my posts and do that? (Rearrange my fragments)

But that's pecisely the reason I'm staying, for th most part, out of debate threads.

Hmm, I think I need to rephrase:

I've had a few ideas about what the dream could mean. The one where I said "wasted" was the non-baby one -- just about life possibilities. Like, getting a certain degree, or going a certain place.

In that reading, all of these nascent possibilities are killed, the opportunities wasted. The "wasted" came from the phrasing of your dream at the outset, that the symbolic objects (rabbits) would be more useful if they are allowed to live.

Who knows? :-)

I've said this before, there's a heavy Rorschach element to all of this, in that what you think it means by definition is meaningful. If you think that's what it means, that's probably what it means.

yeah - I'd thought about that, too. <nods>

sorry - don't mean to make you think you're making me think all kinds of things I shouldn't be thinking. this talking is pretty good at the moment, and the thing that keeps me going isn't any PARTICULAR thing you say, but the way that I can think about what you say - with some space, because it isn't a live conversation - and get to kind of what I think about it.

I don't think it's the dream that's THAT important, but the things that are on my mind when I'm interpreting it. like reading tarot cards. (I have a set of cards like that - and I'm REALLY good at using them to solve my own problems, but can't read for other people)

I dunno.

But I DID get your point. Sorry that got loooooost in my confusion. <g>

hey - is it possible (or necessary) to get this thread out of the "reference"section?

<oooops, wrong thread ...>

Could be that you dislike Playboy as all the playmates are "bunnies" and the whole Playboy enterprise is a factory destroying the "bunnies" respectability.

Re: dream interpretation?


Is your dream in black and white, or is it in color?

When you lived and worked there, was that an anxious time? I never particularly liked trying to get out of downtown Chicago on public transportation at night, especially alone...

Soz, I ripped my post off of the thread just as you were responding. I'll repost:


Reopening this thread because the people on it are cool.

I've been having a reoccurring dream now for months it seems, if not longer. It's baffling and I wanted your thoughts...

Background: I was born and lived in Chicago for 38 years. I moved to my present hometown over 13 years ago. I still have ties there, two brothers, a few very close friends, my biggest client. Since I moved away, my father, my mother and one of my brothers have passed away. One brother I severed ties with over five years ago. I've been back for work and for illness and death but I haven't been there for fun, a vacation, in over six years. I love Chicago but I don't miss it that much.

Here's the dream which I've been having damn near every single night lately...
I'm in Chicago and I'm lost. I'm trying to catch the correct bus and/or train to take me "home" but, in reality, I lived in several places so in the dream, since I never reach home, I don't know which home I'm trying to get to. It's usually night time, seems like I'm leaving my job and I'm downtown, just like when I lived and worked there. I never ask anyone for directions. I think in the dream I'm too proud to ask since this is supposed to be my home so I just fumble around, trying to get on the correct bus or train. And I'm not sure that I ever actually get on a bus, not last night or the night before, I'm just running to and fro trying to get to various bus stops to determine which is the correct bus for "home", wherever that may be.

What do you think? Any ideas?

As for your response Soz...there's always tons of people around in the dream, just like it was in reality during that time of evening. Quitting time. But being out alone at night has always been a source of anxiety for me (thanks Mom). It's interesting that you would bring that up. But when I lived there, it was a daily thing and I don't remember being troubled by it much simply because of the number of people on the streets.

I asked because sometimes what happens for me in dreams is that there is some generalized emotion I'm feeling I'll have a dream that's sort of the archetype of that feeling, something I actually experienced. I can see that what you describe could be a sort of mundane anxiety -- in the back of your mind but not crippling/ obvious (like some guy actually jumping out at you from the shadows, or whatever). And that it could have something to do with current life (anxious about a project, deadline, not sure where you're going with something, that kind of thing).

I have alot of things going on at the moment. Lots of anxiety. Most of it is good tho' and exciting, lots of potential, but maybe there's a little bit with some dread attached. My husband and I are two of the millions with no health insurance at the moment and that's always buzzing in the back of my head.

So, the dream is nothing specific, just a general overview of things? But why go back twenty years ago? To Chicago? That's what's odd to me. I guess it's just a place and a moment that your brain picks out, huh?

The fact that you're having this dream very frequently suggests emotional tension on your part. You're in Chicago, that's a normal place for you to be, as you lived there 38 years. You're lost?
But you had many homes in Chicago when you lived there so why don't you go to any of these homes? Were you really "at home" at any of these places, when you lived in them?

Seems to me, you don't really want to return to Chicago and your old neighborhood, but you don't know where you should go to feel safe, free of anxiety and be "at home".

I lived for a very long time in Chicago both as a kid and then as an adult. I never dream of Chicago! I lived in New York City, though and frequently dream about the bus ride from Queens out to the airport. I'd love to live in NY again, but as far as Chicago is concerned, I'll never return.

:wink:

Incidentally, "at home" may not mean a physical place you call home. It may mean, instead, at time when you're heart/soul
are "at home" ( meaning at peace ).

You need to find peace, either spritually and/or emotionally.

This is all just my impressions about how my own brain works and how that seems to come out in dreams, nothing more authoritative claimed btw.

But yeah, it seems like most of this stuff has stayed in the early-20's range. When we were first experiencing a lot of things as an adult, maybe? I dunno. Some sort of imprinting thing. (I have a LOT of dreams about Madison, where I lived from when I was 18 until I was 26.)

No health insurance, ack. Hope that gets fixed somehow soon...

Everything a person endures, while conscious remains with in the neuronal compartments of their brain, waiting for the right stimulus ( chemical or emotional ) to be expressed within their dreams.

Dreams are the main entrance into the human soul.

Interesting.

Something just occurred to me about not knowing which home to go to in the dream. It's kind of basic. Both of my parents are gone. Could this be why I don't know where home is or which bus to get on? "Home", in reality, is gone. My mother's house was home to me. And I deeply miss being there, especially on holidays and birthdays and such, surrounded by family. I'll always miss that.

Could it be this simple?
I kinda think so.

You've answered your own question. Do you remember the old saying "Home is where the heart is"?

Yes I do Miller. Thanks. And thanks to Soz. Knew I could count on you girlfriend.

Miller, like you, I lived in NYC for a short time but unlike you, I don't dream of it. I'm sure I have in the past because it sure did make an impression (I love NYC too!) but nothing that I remember.

Born and raised in Chi but would never go back? I was kind of sad to read that. What high school did you attend?