My dad and I don't get along

Forums: Parenting And Childcare
Email this Topic • Print this Page

I'm not sure if this falls under this category but I didn't see anything else that comes close. I don't really get along with my dad. He is one of those "do as I say not as I do" and "because I said so" kinda guys. That worked when I was a kid, but not as I grew older. I have a brother who is three years younger than me and if you ask me or any of my friends who know my brother, they would tell you that he gets treated better than me. My brother is a F&%K up. He has messed up his entire life and I have never done anything wrong in my whole existance. You could say we were as true to ourselves as our halloween costumes (I the angel and he the devil). But the more my brother fought with my dad the better things he would get. It wasn't until recently when I moved out of the house and stared college and eventually got married did I start noticing the differences between how he and I were treated. My brother has been arrested a few times, gone to jail a few times, been in court a few times, gone to juvenile rehab camp, does drugs, drinks, smokes, God knows what else....all before the age of 20. My dad has always been there to bail him out with lawers and money and whatever it takes to get him out of trouble and he doesn't take S$%T from no one.

He makes mistake after mistake with the raising of my brother and won't listen to anyone's opinion on the matter. I would bet money my brother would get away with murder so long as daddy is there to back him up. My brother messes up and my dad buys him a brand new mustang. 13 days later he crashes it and my dad buys him a BMW. My first car was a ford focus....previous rental. I tried telling him how I felt and it just seemed to make our relationship even worse. Not to mention that the horribly mean things he did to me as a child he said never happend. I don't understand why the child that has always done good things in her life and was good at school and at life gets worse treatment than the child who has a criminal record.

So am I doomed to have a horrible relationship with my father or is there any hope left?

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,166 • Replies: 13

No top replies

Quote:

I have a brother who is three years younger than me and if you ask me or any of my friends who know my brother, they would tell you that he gets treated better than me.

What does it matter to you now? Your in your own home, with your own life...with your husband...not living at home with your father.

Quote:

He has messed up his entire life and I have never done anything wrong in my whole existance. You could say we were as true to ourselves as our halloween costumes (I the angel and he the devil). But the more my brother fought with my dad the better things he would get.

It is usually the one's that are in trouble that take up all the parents time. They are too busy trying to rescue them, because they have taken for granted the goodness of the quiet one.

Quote:

My brother messes up and my dad buys him a brand new mustang. 13 days later he crashes it and my dad buys him a BMW. My first car was a ford focus....previous rental.

This is either one of two things: 1. Daddy is trying to bribe, con, or buy the love of your brother the rebel. OR 2. Your father was in a better financial situation when your brother come of age, versus you.

*I had a brother just like that. He had totally destroyed three vehicles by the time he was out of school. When it come time for me to get something to drive, I was SOL. I sucked it up and bought my own....
He's now been married 3 times, has a daughter he hasn't seen in 10 years, and is living at home with mom and dad AGAIN. HE'S 40!! I wouldn't trade my life for his, or anything he's ever had...for all the money in the world.

Quote:

I don't understand why the child that has always done good things in her life and was good at school and at life gets worse treatment than the child who has a criminal record.

Because they aren't running around screaming at the top of their lungs....."LOOK AT ME"....

Kitkat...I could understand this conversation if you were still living at home, dependent on your father. But your not....Your a grown woman, take care of yourself, and stop worrying about what your brother has gotten, and what you haven't or didn't. Thats in the past....

0 Replies

I wish it were that easy. It's not really about me living or not living at home. It's not even about my brother. It's about how my dad treats me. I am always walking around eggshells with my dad. I would never trade my life for my brothers either. I guess what I could compare the situation to is like grade-school. It would be like the best and the worst kids in the class together. Its like...if you are the good kid and you go up to the board with your name on it and you have less stars under your name than the worst kid in the class and you find out it's to boost up his morale..thats pretty much what it is like. It's like the teacher doesn't nessisarily favor the worst kid over you, but they get treated better because the teacher wants the worst kid to see all the nice things they get and suddenly become a better person.

I know I have a life of my own now but sometimes it feels really good to hear from your parents that they are proud of you and the decisions you have made in life. I want to feel like I make them proud and instead I feel like they are bothered by me.

0 Replies

It's been a while since we've heard form kitkat.

I'm still interested and still wish you well, kitkat, but still want to look at old posts to not be talking in the wind.

0 Replies

Re: My dad and I don't get along

kitkat_bar wrote:

... I have a brother who is three years younger than me and if you ask me or any of my friends who know my brother, they would tell you that he gets treated better than me. My brother is a F&%K up. He has messed up his entire life ...

These statements are related. Your brother was given whatever and is messed up. You didn't have it so easy and turned out a lot better. I'd say you got the better end of the deal all around. I understand your wanting a better relationship with your father, but there is a thing with the generations and men with their daughters. Did your father, by chance, have any sisters? Mine did not, and it wasn't until I was grown and gone that he could really relate to me, a strange female creature who is neither mother nor wife to him.

0 Replies

Quote:

I was grown and gone that he could really relate to me, a strange female creature who is neither mother nor wife to him.

Jespah, that makes so much sense...well said!

0 Replies

kitkat, you well may have to get in his face and tell him off, like you're the one in authority, to shock and wake him up to his error. He may react with anger at first, but it could make him reassess his relationship with you. At any rate, you no longer have to please him, now you are on your own.

0 Replies

Kitkat--

You really haven't had a lot of love and understanding from the significant men in your life. Perhaps talking to a counselor or therapist would help you put your inadequate relationships in perspective. Just because two nasty men treat you unfairly doesn't mean that you are a person who should be treated unfairly.

Can you change the past? No. No one can.

Do you have some power over your life in the present?

0 Replies

makemeshiver33 wrote:

Quote:
I was grown and gone that he could really relate to me, a strange female creature who is neither mother nor wife to him.

Jespah, that makes so much sense...well said!

Thank yee.

0 Replies

Re: My dad and I don't get along

jespah wrote:

Did your father, by chance, have any sisters?

Lol.... as a matter of fact he has 4 sisters. He's the oldest and had no brothers. His father was gone most of the time in the Army and his mother raised all five of them.

0 Replies

Hmm, then I'm tapped in the advice department.

0 Replies

My parents never told me they were proud of me either. I know how that hurts. Unfortunately, both of them are now dead, so I will never hear it.

Oh well.

Some things, you just have to live with.

Onwards and upwards.....

0 Replies

I think there is a part of every parent that secretly respects and is proud of mischievious or 'bad' kids. This is just my theory.
Especially ones like your dad. Men who 'get their way' and throw their authority around. You get respect by having a spine with him.

I guess it helps when you reach that point where you just sort of give up. I mean, truly give up and accept the fact that you may never get his approval or be told he is proud of you. You give the approval and become proud of yourself.

I grew up with a mom who never quite could 'approve' of me. I just didn't feel loved by her, I felt like I did everything wrong. I was a good kid for many years.
But I have a stubborn and strong independent streak. I talked back, I 'rebelled'.

Rebellion is still against something, and still approval-seeking. Rebelling didn't work in my case: I just ran wild and that was it.
So I gave up. That's when things got better.

Do what you have to do for yourself first. Then, stand up to your father. Maybe you need to. Maybe you don't.

good luck.

0 Replies

For much of my life I felt similarly about my father as you are feeling.

My father lost his fight with cancer this past June. It was only in the last year or so that we began to be able to talk, and now that is all gone.

The only advice I can offer is not to permanently close the door. Time will do that for you soon enough. Once in awhile try to keep some communication open and the relationship alive. One day you will be glad you did.

0 Replies

My dad and I don't get along

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know