Mo asks "WHY do I have two mommies?"

I know this sounds nutty but all of the amazing posts here have really opened a door that I didn't think lead from this room in my brain and I'm really churning on it right now.

Even the posts that I've read but not yet responded to are swirling.

I will be back but I need to let some things settle and click into place.

Wow.

You are all amazing at making light bulbs ping.

Okay, alright..... I'll be back....

Thank you. More than you'll know, thank you.

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Boomer--

He wouldn't have dropped the subject if your answer hadn't satisfied him.

He'll ask again. And again. And again.

He'll know when he'll need more information.

He'll ask you for information because he loves you and trusts you.

Hold your dominion.

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A sequence of great posts here.

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boomerang wrote:

Well I am "highly recommended" as a parent, after all, littlek! Thank you for another vote of confidence but..... I dunno..... it just didn't feel quite right.

I don't know if that is too simplistic or not, Swimpy, but it might be worth a try!

I just forsee a day when Mo thinks that having one mom is a big pain in the ass - having another lurking around out there might just send him around the bend.

Hi ebrown. I haven't seen you around much lately. Thanks for responding.

Kids are so damn tricky, aren't they? Despite all of my efforts, Mo is not entirely confident that I will love him no matter what and that is what makes this so hard. When I get angry with him over some knucle-headed thing he is convinced that I don't love him.

It can take a LONG time to get things calmed down and get him reassured. And I'm talking about things like him falling apart when he decides to slip out the front door and wander over to his friend's house. He is almost always allowed to walk over to his friend's house as long as he asks first. Leaving the house without permission makes me angry and he knows it. It is AGAINST THE RULES!!!!!

But sometimes he does it and I get mad and he falls apart and is convinced that I don't love him. He will ask me "Do you still love me?" and he will declare his love for me.

And he will simper and cling.

And then he will become violent.

Mo is a complicated little feller.

Oy! Classic progression.

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Listening, learning.

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No this tangent is great.

Tico, my dear, your last post absolutely lit a firecracker in my brain and I wish there was a better way to thank you than to simply say "Thank you".

Quote:

If I had ever had any proof that she did things from love, I think that secret heart would not have been so scared.

If Mo's mOther had a way with words she might say just exactly this same kind of thing.

To all of you - this has been one of the most enlightening conversations of my life. Thank you for listening and responding with such great advice.

I'm going to try to quieten those firecrackers but this could take a while.

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Wow, Boomer!

I do hope you tell us about stuff you are thinking...the stuff that you feel ok to.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Boomer)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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I really wish I had the words to explain it. It's very circular. I start writing it out and thinking "No, that's not it. That's not right." and then I start again and realize that I still haven't quite figured it out.

I'm still doing it - type, erase, type, erase.

When I am able to make sense of it I'll be sure to let you know!

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boomer, do you still have records of your very early posts on Abuzz?

Some of your posts there about Mo's bio-mom in her pre-Mo days, and your very important role in her life, were very stirring.

~~~~~~~~~

Seems that she couldn't have become the woman who wants Mo to have the benefit of you and Mr. B without your influence in those days.

I think that your awareness of that adds to the tangledness of all of this.

~~~~~~~~~

Got your sneakers on? got a dog who needs a stroll? can Mr. B stay home with Mo? can you and dog go for a thinking-it-out-walk without anyone else?

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I read something a few pages back and ran over here to post. If anyone has said this, please excuse me.

From his simpering and asking for reassurance every time you get mad at him for infractions--and the questions about why his mother isn't raising him--

I think he's "showing out" because he's under a great deal of stress--because he knows his mother gave him away and he's afraid you may do the same thing.

He may be wondering if she gave him away because he was naughty, or because she got mad at him--hence him needing reassurance after you get mad.

I wonder if it would be ok one day to say-- I just wanted you to know that no matter what you do, or how mad I may get, you will always be my boy, and I'll always be your mommy. With you and me, it's forever.

I hate to think of him churning inside over it.

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ehBeth wrote:

boomer, do you still have records of your very early posts on Abuzz?

Some of your posts there about Mo's bio-mom in her pre-Mo days, and your very important role in her life, were very stirring.

~~~~~~~~~

Seems that she couldn't have become the woman who wants Mo to have the benefit of you and Mr. B without your influence in those days.

I think that your awareness of that adds to the tangledness of all of this.

Wise words.

And how moving it is that your care for and connectedness with Mo's mum protected Mo from so much.

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Yeah, eBeth, yeah. I remember those posts and I remember exactly how I felt.

I have really had to wall all of that off; I think she has had to too. I couldn't continue to be her "mom" and be her kid's "mom" and I think we both must have known that we had to.... change.

Now when she contacts me for a favor I sometimes feel manipulated but you know, I think that's MY interpretation. MY fear.

MY wanting some time to just have Mo to myself at least for a little while.

Its churning.... yeah. It really is.

Lash, I know exactly what you mean but you know, I have never been able to make those promises because I have never been sure I could keep them.

It took us a YEAR to even find an attorney who would go to court with us to establish guardianship. Most of them just laughed at us (and charged us a consulting fee). After that we had to go for a YEAR + without hearing from Mo's bio-dad. And then we still had to get consent (or take him to court). And IT still isn't finished.

I don't expect anything to go wrong at this point but I have never had that permanance to promise. Hopefully in the next few weeks I will.

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I thought it was a done deal.

I see.

I just know how relaxed a child in Mo's situation would be to hear that--but you are correct. Only if/when it's true.

It will be. Very Happy

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It will be.

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boomerang wrote:

Yeah, eBeth, yeah. I remember those posts and I remember exactly how I felt.

I have really had to wall all of that off; I think she has had to too. I couldn't continue to be her "mom" and be her kid's "mom" and I think we both must have known that we had to.... change.

Now when she contacts me for a favor I sometimes feel manipulated but you know, I think that's MY interpretation. MY fear.

MY wanting some time to just have Mo to myself at least for a little while.

Its churning.... yeah. It really is.

Lash, I know exactly what you mean but you know, I have never been able to make those promises because I have never been sure I could keep them.

It took us a YEAR to even find an attorney who would go to court with us to establish guardianship. Most of them just laughed at us (and charged us a consulting fee). After that we had to go for a YEAR + without hearing from Mo's bio-dad. And then we still had to get consent (or take him to court). And IT still isn't finished.

I don't expect anything to go wrong at this point but I have never had that permanance to promise. Hopefully in the next few weeks I will.

So you kind of had to lose a daughter to have a son?

Oy, that's complex.......

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Oh man.

I should probably cross post this to three different threads but I'm going to post it here....

I had my exit interview/post-placement conversation with the social worker today.

We had been told that once we had consents from Mo's bios that their involvement was over BUT today the first thing she says is "I need to interview Mo's bios. Can you provide me with contact information?"

Weeeeellllllll.....

I can for his mom but I really don't want you calling this girl up out of the blue - she has gone on to another life and while these things aren't secret her privacy needs to be respected. "Can I call her and tell her to anticipate your call or can I have her call you at her convenience?"

I get a yes to both.

We go on to talk about my relationship with her (I'm glad I've been examining this so recently). I explain that the last time I saw her, Mo wasn't even involved; that we spent time together on something else entirely.

"She is my friend" I found myself saying.

Blahblahblah on for a while longer about other things and I finally get to go.

The first thing I do is call Mr. B and leave a message saying "F******" and the next message I leave is to mOther.

When she calls back we have a nice conversation depite my ACKiness. She thanks me for the warning and says she has tomorrow off so she will call in and answer any questions.

Which is, you know, amazingly cool.

I do not give this girl enough credit.

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boomerang, she learned the good stuff from you.

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Thank you for saying such, eBeth. I really like to hope so.

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Boomer--

She's growing up--in part because of your raising and caring.

Also, she wants the best for Mo.

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Thanks Noddy!

Okay guys. I have a plane to catch....

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Mo asks "WHY do I have two mommies?"

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