I Love The Onion, Part MCMXIV

Maybe I missed something:




107th CONGRESS

1st Session

H. R. 2395


To provide grants for FHA-insured hospitals.


IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

June 28, 2001
Mr. LAFALCE introduced the following bill; which was referred to the Committee on Financial Services



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A BILL
To provide grants for FHA-insured hospitals.


Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled,

SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.

This Act may be cited as the `FHA-Insured Hospital Conversion and Reinvestment Act'.

SEC. 3. GRANTS FOR FHA-INSURED HOSPITALS.

Section 242 of the National Housing Act (12 U.S.C. 1715z-7) is amended by adding at the end the following new subsection:

`(i) GRANTS FOR FHA-INSURED HOSPITALS-

`(1) AUTHORITY AND USE- To the extent amounts for use under this subsection are made available pursuant to sections 205(i) and 519(g), the Secretary may make grants to eligible FHA-insured hospitals for use only for purposes that the Secretary determines will reduce the risk of default and loss on mortgages for such hospitals that are insured under this section, which shall include--

`(A) carrying out activities to convert excess capacity of the eligible FHA-insured hospital to facilities providing health care and supportive housing for elderly persons and families, including assisted living facilities, nursing homes, and supportive housing for the elderly; and

`(B) assisting in paying debt service for the eligible FHA-insured hospital, including service on debt insured under this section.

`(2) ELIGIBLE FHA-INSURED HOSPITALS- For purposes of this subsection, the term `eligible FHA-insured hospital' means a hospital that--

`(A) is subject to a mortgage that is insured under this section;

`(B) would, in the determination of the Secretary, after consultation with the Secretary of Health and Human Services, improve its financial soundness as a result of the proposed activities or costs to be funded with grant amounts under this subsection; and

`(C) has submitted an application to the Secretary for a grant under this subsection in accordance with such requirements as the Secretary shall establish.

`(3) TREATMENT OF MORTGAGE INSURANCE- Notwithstanding any provision of this section or of any contract for mortgage insurance provided pursuant to this section, an eligible FHA-insured hospital (or a portion thereof) that is subject to a mortgage insured pursuant to this section may be converted using grant amounts under this subsection. The Secretary shall provide for the uninterrupted continuation of the mortgage insurance coverage for the hospital that is subject to the conversion activities for the duration of the original term of the mortgage insurance contract.

`(4) DEFINITIONS- For the purposes of this subsection:

`(A) ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY; NURSING HOME- The terms `assisted living facility' and `nursing home' have the meanings given such terms in section 232(b) (12 U.S.C. 1715w(b)).

`(B) OTHERS- The definitions in section 202(k) of the Housing Act of 1959 (12 U.S.C. 1701q(k)) shall apply.'.

SEC. 4. FUNDING OF GRANTS FROM SURPLUS AMOUNTS IN FHA INSURANCE FUNDS.

(a) GENERAL INSURANCE FUND SURPLUS- Section 519 of the National Housing Act (12 U.S.C. 1735c) is amended by adding at the end the following new subsection:

`(g) AVAILABILITY OF SURPLUS AMOUNTS FOR GRANTS FOR FHA-INSURED HOSPITALS-

`(1) IN GENERAL- The amount of any negative credit subsidy that is determined for any fiscal year, for purposes of title V of the Congressional Budget Act of 1974 (2 U.S.C. 661 et seq.), and is attributable to the programs referred to in paragraph (2) shall be considered to be new budget authority and shall be available, without fiscal year limitation, for grants under section 242(i).

`(2) COVERED PROGRAMS- The programs referred to in this paragraph are the programs under this Act for insurance of mortgages and loans that, on page 515 of the Appendix to the Budget of the United States Government, Fiscal Year 2001 (H. Doc. 106-162, Vol. II), in the table entitled `Summary of Loan Levels, Subsidy Budget Authority and Outlays by Program', are classified under budget account number 86-0200-0-1-371 and are referred to as `FHA Full Insurance for Health Care Facilities (plus 241/232)', `Health Care Refinances', and `Hospitals'.'.

(b) MUTUAL MORTGAGE INSURANCE FUND SURPLUS- Section 205 of the National Housing Act (12 U.S.C. 1711) is amended--

(1) in subsection (e), by inserting `or for use for grants pursuant to subsection (i)' before the comma;

(2) in subsection (h)(1), by inserting `may not make grants pursuant to subsection (i),' after the 4th comma; and

(3) by adding at the end the following new subsection:

`(i) AVAILABILITY OF SURPLUS AMOUNTS FOR HOSPITAL CONVERSION AND REINVESTMENT GRANTS- Any amounts in the Mutual Mortgage Insurance Fund that are determined by the Secretary to be surplus to the amount required to meet the operational goals under subsection (h)(2) shall be available, without fiscal year limitation, for grants under section 242(I).'.

SEC. 5. REGULATIONS.

Not later than 120 days after the date of the enactment of this Act, pursuant to the authority in section 211 of the National Housing Act, the Secretary shall issue any rules and regulations necessary to carry out the amendments made by this Act.
END

Killjoy . . .


I want details, i got some neighbors i would like to see locked-up, and all i need is a plausible pretext . . .

(Pssssttttt . . . Bobsmyth, the Onion prides itself on never producing an scintilla of truth in its articles, thereby upholding the most venerable traditions of American journalism . . . )

I've been meaning to talk to you about your fun philosophy. It smacks of frivolity no less. As a no nonsense guy I find you sadly lacking in the more dull aspects of life. Less laughing. More plodding. That's what's needed.

Sorry, Boss, i'll try to straighten up . . .









































in a pig's eye . . .

heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee . . .

*snork*

Not a prayer have you, me boyo!

Hey sozobe! That was my thread you just started! Stop thinking my thoughts now!

You know, the spooky thing about Bush administration parodies is that you never really know if they're parodies or not. Did you see this article on "John le Kerry" in May 19's New Yorker? It was about a Republican smear campaign against John Kerry and his alledged connections to France. I got all upset in the beginning until I finally realized, half-way through the article, that this was a parody! Here's an excerpt for the non-readers of the New Yorker:

"Secretary of defense Don Rumsfeld today said that Senator Kerry, when he was a lieutenant in the US Navy 'probably' went to Vietnam for the purpose of winning the country 'back to the French'. 'I'm not saying he wasn't brave', Rumsfeld said, 'Oh my goodness, no. But was he really there to fight against Communist aggression, or was it to get back at the North Vietnamese for the loss of Dien Bien Phu? I think that's a perfectly legitimate question.' "

Sounds uncomfortably realistic, doesn't it?

-- Thomas

Yep, I saw that in the New Yorker and thought the same thing.

Do you have the current New Yorker yet? One article is VERY interesting -- you'll probably be able to figure out why. (Can I just say, once more, for the record, there is no such thing as objective journalism. )

Unfortunately not. This week's New Yorker in Germany is last week's New Yorker in America. But I'll buy the new issue as soon as it hits our shops and keep my eyes open for that article. Thanks for the heads-up!

-- Thomas

I can't recommend TheOnion enough, I'm really unhappy that my work PC has the site blocked. It is aways spot on with its targets and the mock-journalistic style is brilliant. Did you catch the 'Zoloft for everything' story last week?

Or even better, the 'Satan rules amongst Harry Potter fans' story they ran a few years back. Piss funny.

Oh yeah, I look forward to the weekly dispatch in my e-mail I have posted many an Onion link here....

Sozobe -- the New Yorker just hit the shops here. Were you talking about the Fox article?