I am an expert in that field - and I say that she is an oasis of sanity in a mad world.
Wassamatter? cat got your mouf?
...smegging bloo boogers....
Monger wrote:jespah wrote:Dear Monger:
Do computers have souls?
Signed, Curious in the land of 40 days and 40 nights of endless freakin' rain
Dear Curious:
Yes. Ever since Microsoft purchased Evil from Satan, all new PCs come with state-of-the-art, digitally signed souls of fallen angels. Experts are divided whether this has been a particularily good thing.
Dear Monger:
I was unaware you could purchase Evil. And here I've been hand-crafting it for over 4 decades! Is it possible that Microsoft's bought and paid for Evil (manufactured on an assembly line, I'll wager) is what's been putting this cottage industry of homemade evildoers out of business? I demand Evil Rights!
Oh, and my next question: how many digitally signed souls of fallen angels can dance on the head of a 32-pin connector?
Signed,
Homegrown evildoer in the land of one-nice-day-in-thirty-so-we'll-all-really-appreciate-'em
PS Thank you.
Ah, this entire discussion of evil puts me in mind of Edward Gorey (do you recall the illustrations for the PBS series Mystery?):
To his club-footed son, said Lord Stipple
As he sipped his post-prandial tipple
"Your mother's behavior
Gave pain to our Savior
And that's why he's made you a cripple!"
I am a HUGE Edward Gorey fan....unfortunately, his estate pulled most of the good stuff off the net, so you still need to hunt down the books. I have a couple....hilarious...this is one link I found that still has The Gashlycrumb Tinies complete with illustrations. You have to click for each page, which is a tad annoying, but so be it.
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Canvas/9700/gorey.html
great link, Boss, thanks . . .
jespah wrote:Dear Monger:
I was unaware you could purchase Evil. And here I've been hand-crafting it for over 4 decades! Is it possible that Microsoft's bought and paid for Evil (manufactured on an assembly line, I'll wager) is what's been putting this cottage industry of homemade evildoers out of business? I demand Evil Rights!
Your demand is a reasonable one. Unfortunately, if we tried to boycott Microsoft's monopoly on evil it would create a fundamental paradox of good vs evil, in that we'd be doing a good thing while increasing our own percentage of the evil market.
My advice to you "homegrown evildoers" is to just carry on as you always have. Evil is an attitude & a lifestyle! Make no excuses. Support no ideology. Never explain. You're evil. Just do it.
jespah wrote:Oh, and my next question: how many digitally signed souls of fallen angels can dance on the head of a 32-pin connector?
Just enough.
Love,
Monger
Yes, but how many is "enough"?
If you must know, it's six hundred three score and six.
Binary. Sure. Either on or off. So I been flippin the light switch for five minutes now. How come they ain't addin an' subtractin'?
Dear Monger:
Thank you for your clarifications re evil, angels and Microsoft. When angels dance on the head of a 32-pin connector, which type of dance are they performing? Is it the cha-cha, the lambada, or perhaps the hokey pokey? Was it the Electric Slide in the '70's?
Many thanks for your expected elucidations.
Love,
jespah
Bluddy 'ell!
'E gonna pop a gasket over that one, or not?
Jespah, fallen angels don't really dance so much as they just sorta spin their terrible heads around all spooky like. They generally avoid dancing as it often leads to such frieghtfulness as cuddling, twinkles in their red crusty eyes, and getting all frolicsome and such.
((((((((((((((((((((((MONGER)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Heehee!
Monger wrote:As evil as they may be, computers are all yellow-bellied cowards when it comes to a kick boxing showdown. I frequently kick my computer, even when it's working great, just to show it who's bosh..
dlowan wrote:Monger, Monger, Monger - violence is NEVER the way.
I swear this is a true story: About 3 years ago, before I bought the computer I'm using now, my previous PC was constantly freezing for no reason. I thought maybe it was the power supply, but one day I got pissed at it and kicked the damn box. Voila! It actually snapped out it, incredibly enough. Whatever the reason, it was funny as 'ell to see that PC jump to life whenever I'd beat the crap out of it. Gradually it got harder & harder to kick-start though so, inevitably, I had to give up on the poor dear.
So there, ya love-toting bunny!
LOL! I once had a friend who owned a car, whose fiendish habit it was to stop dead suddenly - preferably while turning through heavily trafficked major intersections.
What worked, we finally ascertained, after experimentation, was to give it a smart rap on some particular place in that weird mess under the bonnet with the heel of a stiletto heeled shoe.
We kept a particularly nasty specimen of that sort of shoe in the car and, with well-oiled precision, when the car stalled, one of us would step from the car, to the vocal derision of passing men, armed with the spiky beast, coolly open the bonnet, zap the smegger in the whatsit with the heel, get back in the car, and roar off looking smug.
i dearly need a photo of a smug, fag in hand bunny whacking off under a bonnet.
