After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
~Will Rogers
Another priceless Will Rogers' quote, chatoyant. Thanks!
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
~ Will Rogers
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx
"I once made love to a woman for an hour and ten minutes. It was the night they set the clocks back." --Gary Shandling
"I know you're not two-faced, because otherwise you wouldn't be wearing that one." --?
"If given a choice between saving a baby and catching a high fly ball, a woman will save the baby every time; without even considering whether there are men on base or not" --Dave Barry
'Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.'
~ Lily Tomlin
I'm not into exercise. I figure, no pain- no pain.
--Stephen Wright, I think
You're right, Equus ~ it's Stephen. Man! That guy makes me laugh!
Oh yeah! Stephen Wright, one of my favorites! Here's some more:
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
My absolute favorite Wright joke is
"I got a full body tattoo of myself, only taller."
You can lead a horticulture,
But you can't make her think.
~D. Parker
Mark my words when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall
"Laughter is the best way to make somebody's heart beat."
~ Robert Holden ~
New Quotable Comment;
"Living dangerously" is eating "Smarties" in the dark.........
when you can't tell what colour they are!!!!
"I was so nervous that in the scene where my robe's in my hand I dropped it ... That meant I had to bend down to pick it up. And my rear was to the audience. Ugggh, don't ask. I nearly died. I was a wreck. I heard one guy in the audience suck his breath in."
--ROSIE PEREZ on her nude scene in the play "Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune," quoted in the New York Post.
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
-- Rita Rudner
An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.
-- Alfred A. Knopf
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
-- Dave Barry
Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.
-- Evan Esar
These quotes are excellent!!
'What is mind? No matter. What is matter?? Never mind...'
~ Homer Simpson
Lol!
