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Comedy

 
 
Rae
 
Reply Thu 3 Oct, 2002 07:18 pm
'Duct tape is

like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.....'

~ Carl

Zwanzig

'Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.'

~ From The Last Goon Show of

All

'I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.'

~ Oscar Levant
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 12,187 • Replies: 77
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Craven de Kere
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Oct, 2002 08:12 am
Laughing Laughing

Laughing
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Oct, 2002 06:42 pm
'Reality is a

crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.'

~ Lily Tomlin

'The way to fight a woman is with your hat.

Grab it and run.'

~ John Barrymore

'The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether

you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.'

~ P. G. Wodehouse
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Oct, 2002 07:22 pm
'There is a fine

line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.'

~ Steven Wright
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Oct, 2002 07:52 pm
'Giving birth is

like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.'

~ Carole Burnett

'Life is like an ice-cream

cone.....you have to lick it one day at a time.'

~ Charlie Brown

'When late morning rolls around and you're

feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry, you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish.'

~ Winnie the

Pooh

'The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some

pretty annoying virtues.'

~ Elizabeth Taylor

'When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one

I've never tried before.'

~ Mae West
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Oct, 2002 02:26 pm
" I would never

join a club which would have me as a member"~ Groucho Marx
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Oct, 2002 02:34 pm
Laughing Laughing

Laughing
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Oct, 2002 07:57 pm
'I once wanted to

become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.'

~ Henny Youngman
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Oct, 2002 08:21 pm
'Women and cats do

as they damned well please, and men and dogs had best learn to live with it.'

~ Alan Holbrook
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Nov, 2002 08:53 pm
'Time's fun when you're having flies.'

~ Kermit the Frog
http://sc.communities.msn.com/tn/9A/10/TheRavensRealm/48/10c0.jpg
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2002 06:38 pm
'Do not try to solve all life's problems at once ~ learn to dread each day as it comes.'

~ Donald Kaul
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2002 06:47 pm
'We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged all the furniture.'

~ Robin Williams

'It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.'

~ Joan Rivers

'Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's a pretty good one.'

~ Woody Allen

'I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wear helmets.'

~ David Edison

'Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?'

~ Steven Wright

'It's not enough to succeed. Others must fail.'

~ Gore Vidal

'If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?'

~ Linda Ellerbee
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Nov, 2002 06:53 pm
'When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why God? Why me?", and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."'

~ Stephen King

'I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.'

~ Rita Rudner
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Nov, 2002 06:03 pm
'When you were quite a little boy, somebody ought to have said "hush" just once.'

~ Mrs. Patrick Campbell, to George Bernard Shaw
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Nov, 2002 06:41 pm
'If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.'

~ Katherine Hepburn (attagirl Kate! Drunk )
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Dec, 2002 07:16 pm
'We're not lost. We're locationally challenged.'

~ John M. Ford

'The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clear enough.'

~ Bill Maher
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Dec, 2002 07:22 pm
'In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death.'
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Dec, 2002 07:24 pm
'I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.'

~ Unknown (thankfully so)
0 Replies
 
Rae
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Dec, 2002 07:34 pm
'Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.'

~ Fran Leibowitz
0 Replies
 
chatoyant
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Dec, 2002 09:45 pm
An inferiority complex would be a blessing if only the right people had it.
~Alan Reed

The secret in life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
~ Groucho Marx
0 Replies
 
 

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