More than $1000 a couple for a High School Prom?

Ah, yeah, I remember my prom. Sitting in the dirt by a fire with a case of beer and some recreational pharmaceuticals. (Thousand bucks? Man...)

Noddy 24-



Why does a kid, going to a prom, need SPECIAL UNDERWEAR?

I'll stand right behind you on the old fogie line!

Well, if the kid is in Utah, or parts of Idaho, Washington, Oregon, or Northern California, there's a decent chance they already have special underwear.

Otherwise, Phoenix, I'm sure you know the answer to your question. (Gabby t'day, I yam....)

How about $10,000 for a Bar Mitzvah?

What makes underwear fall into the category of "Special"?

Phoenix, New Haven--

Ladies, Ladies.

Obviously if you are buying your first knock-'em-out, drop-dead slinky black little frock (and I remember my mother's opinion of unmarried women gussying up in slinky black frocks) cotton panties and a sports bra don't provide an adequate foundation.

I'm sorry for the ambiguity. Did you think I meant "special underwear" for a ritual (or symbolic) deflowering immediately after the last waltz? The mind boggles. I am humbly contrite.

Noddy24- Slinky black??? Now THIS is my idea of a prom dress!



The only thing that I can figure, is that now to the middle class, the Prom is the equivalent of the old fashioned debutante ball for the rich!

How could anyone see underwear, special or not, under all the cloth of that dress?

Phoenix, that's a lovely gown. :-D

Egad, $1,000/couple? That's just plain nuts. Don't these parents and/or kids have other expenses coming up like, I dunno, college, weddings, trade school, down payments on houses, High School graduation parties or the like?

New Haven, $10,000 for a Bar Mitzvah is different and actually pretty dang cheap.

If you invite 50 people, a nice luncheon or dinner (it's got to be kosher, don't forget, and that costs more) will easily run $75/plate if not more. Plus the mashgiach (the guy who makes sure everything's kosher): $250. Plus a nice suit (this is a boy we're talking about). Add $250 for the suit and accoutrements. Rental of the hall (even synagogues will cost something): at least $2,000 and very likely a lot more. Mom's dress, Dad's suit = another $500. Professional photographer: $500. Flowers: $250 or more. Band: $2500.

And this is only 50 people. How many people have only 50 people in their family/circle of friends? The good news, though, is that the plates and the hall size are probably the only variables if the affair is larger than 50 people. Weddings are routinely at least $20,000 these days; Bar Mitzvahs would, naturally, be about half that.

But the prom??? That strikes me as unbelievably excessive. It's not a religious or family occasion. It's not much of a milestone, particularly if you go to one for more than one year of High School. Plus, it doesn't make sense in terms of bang for the buck. The 50-person Bar Mitzvah I budgeted above works out to $200/person, all told. But the prom figure would be $500/person. The only way the Bar Mitzvah would ever hit that kind of cost/person would be if 20 people were invited but you paid for food for 50 people for some bizarre reason, plus you hired a hall, etc. (for an affair that small, you'd do better to have the party at home or at a kosher restaurant).

My head is spinning.

After paying all that money, no wonder the parents are having troubles coming up with the $$ for college!

New Haven--

Bra Straps! No one wants to go to The Prom in a strapless dress with bra straps showing. Have you priced strapless bras lately?

Phoenix--

You and I (and my dear departed mother) agree that that blue confection is much more appropriate than slinky black.

I'm positively enchanted with your idea that The Prom has evolved as a substitute for The Debut.

The Prom marks an End of Childhood rather than a Launching into the Marriage Market. Parents are not particularly welcome at The Prom, although they are essential for The Debut, but this is the American Way, venerating youth and independence.


Jespah--

Your thoughts on the Bar Mitzvah made it very obvious that The Prom is not a family affair but a celebration of independence--and very American in both the symbolism and the glitz.

After all, we don't venerate education and intellect or we'd put more oomph in the graduation ceremony. We value youth and beauty and conspicuous consumption.

Noddy:

No I haven't priced strapless bras lately. Do you know why?

Agreed. There's very much of a feeling that the kids are on their own on Prom Night. It's hardly a family affair unless the parents take photos of the couple (and even then that's not the real photo - a professional takes that) or drive the couple to the Prom (oops, can't have that; not stylish enough - must have a limo!).

I must have missed the idea of the Prom as a sub for the Debut. That's an interesting idea. One thing I wonder: my wedding made me feel like a princess (and was designed to do so), but in particular because I'd never had anything like that before and haven't had it since (I declined my then-boyfriend's invitation to the Prom - neither of us had the school spirit or the $$). What do girls who've had the all-out Prom experience do for a wedding? Does it mean as much if you've already been there, done that?

PS I take it you don't wear too many strapless gowns in the lab, New Haven.

Rite of Passage! The Prom--particularly for those kids who have a ho-hum workaday life after high school--is a Rite of Passage. Rites of Passage (particularly no-holds-barred secular Rites of Passage) mean, "Damn the expense, full speed ahead."

Of course, college bound girls may be afflicted with tuition-minded parents who not only see Life After High School but Tuition Payments in September.

Jespah--

At the prom, every girl is a member of the nobility. For a wedding, only the bride is royality. At one time a woman's wedding day was her last chance to be the focus of all eyes and the recipient of general admiration.

You are undoubtedly modest in your hankering for the spotlight as a Symbol of Womanly Glory. Eschewing the mob scene at the prom, you were a Classic Jewish Princess on your wedding day. Believe me, I've known prom-weary women who have had spectacular first weddings--and spectacular second weddings.

Rites of passage, unto the second and third set of eternal vows.....

The mind boggles.