disscus:In modern times ,parents always spoil their children

There's nothing "always" about it. Some parents spoil their kids, some don't. This is the way it's been since we were cave people.

This is a very loaded topic. I don't think a child ever benefits from getting whatever they ask for, especially if it is at the expense of the family's finances. It is easy, however, to get caught up in the marketing hype every time a new toy comes out or a holiday season rolls around. Parents instinctively want to provide for their children and sometimes have difficulty setting limits or distinguishing needs from wants -- an inability that gets passed on to their children. Also, many homes in these times have two working parents who might feel guilty about not spending enough time with their kids, and overcompensate with material things.

I do have a theory about this, and for a while, I was guilty of it.

As society has shifted to the two income family, it has created at last two contributory factors to the "spoiling of children"-- more money, and guilt re children, who are either made to be latchkey or stuck in day care.

One way this guilt is assuaged is to subconsciously pay the kids off with a glut of toys/technology.

I'm wondering if we can define "spoil."

Lavishing love and attention on a child does not "spoil" the child. Even lavishing material gifts will not "spoil" a child.

Rewarding temper tantrums can certainly cause behavioral problems, however.

Lavishing gifts can spoil children if it follows the "I want, I get" model. Kids who don't ask for much, but receive much, are probably none the worse for it. Kids who get everything they ask for grow up with a sense of entitlement.

I agree with Lash's take but with a qualifying statement. I do think it's possible to raise healthy, well-adjusted, nonspoiled kids in a two-earner household. But I think it's easy to fall into the trap she talks about.