worried mother of a 19 mth old toddler

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I WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE HAS EXPERIENCED THIS KIND OF SITUATION WITH THEIR LITTLE ONE AND OFFER SOME ADVIVE ON WHAT I CAN DO.MY SON IS 19 MONTHS OLD HE ATTENDS A DAYCARE EVERYDAY FROM 7AM TILL 3PM AS I WORK AND SO DOES MY HUSBAND. IT SEEMS WHEN I DROP MY SON OFF HE CRYS AND DOES NOT WANT ME TO LEAVE BUT THEN WHEN PICKING HIM UP I NOTICE THROUGH THE WINDOW HE IS DOING FINE PLAYING NICE AND SEEMS TO BE DOING WELL AS SOON AS HE SEES ME HE THROWS WHAT EVER HE IS PLAYING WITH THROWS HIMSELF AROUND CRYING AND JUST DISPLAYING ANGER AND DOES'NT WANT ME AND HE STARTS DOING THINGS HE SHOULD'NT .I HAVE BECOME WORRIED AND ALONG WITH BEING EMBARREST I AM AT A LOSS TO WHAT MAY BE CAUSING HIM TO ACT LIKE THIS THE TEACHERS SAYS SHE NEVER SEES MY SON ACT LIKE THIS ONLY WHEN WE SHOW UP. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP I FEEL LIKE I HAVE FAILED AS A MOM AND THIS IS MY FIRST AND ONLY CHILD. THANX

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This is classic separation anxiety. Ask an experienced daycare provider what you should do, and follow his or her instructions.

I care for others' kids, this is what I have to offer:

~ Do what you must to spend quality time with him every morning before he goes to daycare.
~ Plan your morning so that you don't rush him.
~ DO NOT make a big fuss or make bribes when transitioning to or from to daycare. DO give him a warm focused hug.
~ Make some rules. Make sure he knows you're alpha.

This is a choice you have made (daycare), you need to do it, he needs to deal with it. If you feel guilty, he will pick up on it and try to manipulate you. Try to keep your stress about the whole thing under wraps.

<and as a curtesy to us here, please don't type in all-caps>

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Thank-you so much for your reply.I will follow the tips you have given and we will see if my son has any change during this transition. I will try to keep you posted. Oh i'm sorry for using the caps in the near future i will try not to.

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I agree with littleK. Many children do this. They panic when mommy leaves only to become completely at ease when she is out of sight. I worked as a governess when I was in college and every time the mother went to work the youngest boy would throw a tantrum. As soon as she was out the door and in the elevator he would turn to me and say "what are we going to play today Nanny Green Witch?" in the most normal happy little boy voice. It was like a light switch being turned on and off. Today he is charming, socially popular lawyer and part time musician, so I guess his childhood did him no harm.

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Lil K knows her stuff and has excellent advice in this area.

I'll just add my 2 cents:

This is kinda backwards sounding, but it's amazing what kids pick up on and over hear without parents realizing they are listening. If he knows you and/or Dad are anxious or feeling guilty he may be behaving this way to "comfort" or reassure you that he loves you best. He may think it would hurt your feelings if you saw him having fun with another "parent."

Again, this is very normal behavior.

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And! The longer you prolong the tantrum/goodbye, the longer it takes for your child to calm down.

Squinney - not at all backwards. We're doing stages of development right now and we covered that territory.

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some thoughts and input from a dad. My little guy is now 3 and I have been gone for almost half his lige. My wife said that he was very much a crier when she dropped him off. When I was home on leave he handled me taking him to day care just fine. Each child will be different but the main thing is to make the good bye's firm and not wishy washy. As soon as they know that they have control, your sunk.

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There is always a difference in good-bye drama depending on whether mom or dad is the 'leaver'. But, it goes either way.

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Yeah, my cousin was having this same problem with her son and it is completely normal. I think asking your daycare provider is the best way to go about it. I am sure they see this sort of thing all the time...oh, actually ahve you checked out the tv show called Surviving Motherhood? I have mentioned it before and they actually have done a show on working mothers and daycare. A girl from work was talking about that episode and how helpful it was...you should maybe check that out.

Good luck!

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worried mother of a 19 mth old toddler

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