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Employee Performance Evaluations

 
 
mac11
 
Reply Fri 21 Apr, 2006 12:51 pm
For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are supposedly actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3 "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Apr, 2006 12:58 pm
I once wrote a performance evaluation on an employee who was really a nice guy, but a complete doofus.

I wrote something like, "------------- has exhibited that he is beginning to become competent at his job."
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Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Apr, 2006 01:12 pm
Laughing

i just e-mailed that to a bunch of people...
0 Replies
 
urs53
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Apr, 2006 05:04 pm
That's great! I work in HR... ;-)
0 Replies
 
mac11
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Apr, 2006 09:03 pm
Very Happy I received it in an email today... geez, I hate the whole performance evaluation nonsense.
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Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Apr, 2006 05:10 pm
report cards for grown-ups...
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Stray Cat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Apr, 2006 04:56 pm
I always had this fantasy that one day I'd hit lotto, buy the company I worked for, and then evaluate my bosses.
0 Replies
 
 

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